I don’t know about you, but more than once I have had someone say to me:
“Don’t be so emotional!”
“You shouldn’t feel that way!”
“Just get over it!”
And for so many years I felt shame when I heard it.
I felt shame about my seeming lack of control, my apparent too-muchness, and my inability to fit into the logical mindset that my surroundings seemed to prefer!
And so I did what so many of us have done - I hid!
I pretended I was always fine - and that nothing ever bothered me!
Anytime an emotion would come up I would do everything I could to push it back down. I would bury it so deep that eventually, I thought I forgot it was there!
And I thought I was walking through life the way I was ‘supposed’ to.
But there is a funny thing about emotions - they can not be denied forever. Eventually, I found myself living in duplicity - my exterior world looked fine, and people would have even described me as happy. I had become proficient at wearing “the mask.”
But my interior world was completely different - inside I felt shrivelled up, resentful, and numb. I had no idea that when I closed off my ability to feel some of the more difficult emotions of hurt, anger, and disappointment I had also closed off my ability to feel joy, contentment, gratitude, playfulness etc.
I remember first hearing that emotions were…good - that allowing ourselves to feel them was healthy and was the path to beneficial action!
I was suspicious but also strangely drawn to the idea!
The more I learned the more shocked I became - shocked that what I had thought was my weakness was actually my strength.
Imagine my surprise when I learned that emotions are the vehicle we use to travel down the path from the “problem” to the “solution.”
That they are the fuel that gives you the energy to move forward, and that they were the creators of clarity not the authors of confusion!
I learned that emotions only last an average of 6 to 90 seconds in the body - and that it is only when we attach thoughts to the emotions that we then made them last longer - potentially trapping them in our body.
And so I began to pay attention to my emotions, and I started to listen carefully to the thoughts I attached to them.
And finally, I began to ask better questions!
“What is this emotion trying to tell me?”
“What does it show is important to me?”
“What does this emotion need me to valid and witness?”
“What changes does it tell me I need to make?”
I learned to ride my emotions like a wave and that on the other side of the wave was calm clear relief and important information about what the best action would be in whatever situation I found myself in!
And so maybe today you need to be reminded that the emotions that you feel are good, even when they are hard to have, maybe today you need to be reminded that it is ok to feel them, that they are your gifts - each emotion has wrapped within it important information about what you need, what you value, what you prefer, and what brings your pleasure.
Take the time to experience all of them! Learn to talk with them and ask them questions about their purpose and about what action they are taking you to!
Give yourself the gift of fully experiencing the emotions that show up in your life! You may just find yourself pleasantly surprised by what happens when you do!!
Download your July Affirmation:
Meg is a Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, and Podcast Host (The Art Of Being H(YOU)man) that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 22 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie.
To learn more about Meg visit her website www.megheppner.com
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