“This is just who I am. I can’t change now.”
Have you ever said those words?
Is it true? Are you destined to be the same person, with the same personality forever? Most of us think so.
Well, get ready for a paradigm shift!
It turns out that our personality, our consistent attitudes and behaviours are not set in stone, contrary to what we've been led to believe.
Most of us believe that our personality is innate, like an unchangeable fingerprint, defining who we are and how we behave. It's as if we were assigned a fixed set of traits at birth and are stuck with them forever. We believe our personality is our real, authentic self. But hold on tight, because that view is being challenged by the research!
Our personality is not set in stone, it has been programmed and conditioned by our past. Each person and experience in our lives, especially as children, has shaped our thoughts, attitudes and behaviours and that programming has played on repeat in our lives. That programming has become so automatic that we have come to believe this is just who we are… We are just like our mom, or our grandma, and there is nothing we can do about it.
The research and my own personal experience is telling us that we can absolutely change our personality and create a new identity. We can choose to become more confident, more optimistic, more compassionate, more creative if we believe we can. Your personality is a work in progress!
For most people, the idea that you can imagine and create yourself and your own personality sounds like magic. It may feel like magic but it is possible!
Your personality can actually be chosen by you!
You can design your identity, behaviour and environment to serve the future you want to create. What goals do you wish to achieve? Who do you want to be? You can choose your personality based on the person you desire to be and the goals you wish to achieve.
When we set worthy goals that are fuelled by our desires, we have to grow into the person who can achieve those goals. Maybe you want to write a book… What are the personality traits of an author? Committed, determined, focused, ambitious, creative?? Ask yourself “What would an author do right now?” and then begin to act “as if”. The more you repeatedly choose a thought, an attitude or a behaviour, the more it will become a part of you and begin to become part of your personality.
“Your personality should come from your goals. Your goals shouldn’t come from your personality.” Paul Graham
In a nutshell, the idea that our personality is fixed is being challenged by a growing body of research. So, let go of the notion that you're stuck with the same old traits forever!
Embrace change, adopt a growth mindset, and believe in your ability to shape your personality. With intentional effort, open-mindedness, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, you can unlock your full potential and become the best version of yourself. Get ready for an incredible journey of self-discovery and personal growth!
Kelly-Anne Appleton is a Mindset & Manifestation Coach who helps women 40+ stop settling and create a life they love! Through 1:1 and group coaching Kelly-Anne helps women reprogram the beliefs that are keeping them stuck, rewrite their self image and amplify their results.
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