Peggy Bundy from Married with Children was seen as lazy. She chilled on the couch, ate bonbons, avoided housework, and didn’t chase approval. That image became a cultural punchline, a symbol of what a woman shouldn't be. And yet, for many women, there was something oddly magnetic about her freedom.
She didn’t hustle for validation. She didn’t burn herself out trying to meet society’s impossible standards. She just was. And for that, she was mocked.
Now contrast her with June Cleaver from Leave It to Beaver.
The picture-perfect 1950s housewife. June wore pearls to vacuum, served home-cooked meals with a smile, and never seemed to break a sweat. She was praised as the ideal: selfless, put-together, endlessly giving. The embodiment of what a "good woman" should be.
Two opposite archetypes. One ridiculed. One revered.
But here’s the deeper truth: neither woman is wrong. The real harm lies in the shame women are made to feel for choosing one version of womanhood over another. Whether you resonate more with Peggy, June, or somewhere in between, you deserve the right to choose without apology. Especially when you’re choosing from a place of alignment, not conditioning.
For decades, women have been placed in an impossible double bind. If you do it all, you're praised, until you burn out. If you set boundaries or choose rest, you're selfish or lazy.
This isn’t just about domestic roles. It's about how we internalize worthiness.
Many of us were raised to believe our value lies in how much we give. How much we serve. How much we sacrifice. This belief system makes it difficult to rest without guilt. To say no without explanation. To choose what we want over what others expect.
This internal pressure doesn’t just live in the mind. It shows up in the body, tight shoulders, clenched jaws, anxious bellies. The more we push past ourselves, the more disconnected we become from our truth.
And when disconnection becomes our norm, shame moves in. We search for emotional healing support, not always knowing what we need, but feeling the weight of shame and exhaustion in our bones.
Shame is quiet, but corrosive. It whispers things like:
"You should be doing more."
"You’re lazy for wanting rest."
"You’re not a good mom/partner/entrepreneur if you…"
It keeps you locked in a loop of proving, performing, and pleasing. And what’s worse? Shame doesn’t motivate you to grow. It shrinks you.
True growth, the kind that transforms your relationships, your business, your self-worth, comes from awareness, not shame. It comes from reconnecting with your body, your values, and your voice. It begins when you decide to stop feeling guilty for wanting peace, space, or slowness.
Self-awareness is more than self-reflection. It’s the act of observing your inner world without judgment. Noticing the patterns you’ve inherited. Listening to the language of your body. Honoring what’s true for you in the present moment.
One of the most powerful ways to cultivate self-awareness is through mindfulness. Not the kind that demands silence or perfection, but the kind that invites you to get honest. To pause. To breathe. To check in.
Here’s a simple mindfulness practice for emotional awareness to begin:
Find a quiet space. Sit or lie down comfortably. Let your eyes close gently.
Take three slow breaths. Inhale and exhale through your nose.
Scan your body from head to toe SLOWLY. Start at your scalp and move downward: forehead, eyes, jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, belly, hips, legs, feet.
Then go back up. Reverse the scan from feet to crown.
Notice any sensations. Tingling, tightness, warmth, emptiness. Don’t label them as good or bad. Just notice.
If emotions arise, simply notice them. Are they pleasant or unpleasant? Unpleasant sensations may point to imbalance; pleasant ones may reflect harmony. Just observe with curiosity. These sensations will start to speak to you.
Stay with your breath. Let it be your anchor.
You don’t need to analyze anything. You don’t need to fix anything. Just notice. Just be.
Practicing this for even five minutes a day begins to shift your relationship with yourself. You become more attuned to when you’re acting from shame vs. truth. From obligation vs. alignment. You learn how to stop feeling guilty for resting and begin to access a new level of freedom within.
This is the foundation of emotional resilience, spiritual clarity, and authentic power.
We’ve been told that feminine power means being nurturing, selfless, and available. But real feminine power includes receiving. It includes saying no. It includes asking, "What do I need today?"
Peggy Bundy, in all her exaggerated, comedic glory, showed us a woman who didn’t bend over backwards to be everything for everyone. She had flaws, sure. But she also had sovereignty. And maybe that’s what unsettled people the most.
Being sovereign, being rooted in yourself, is threatening in a world that profits from your self-doubt.
June Cleaver modeled another kind of power. Graceful, composed, devoted. But her strength, too, must be chosen consciously, not worn as a mask to meet expectations.
Neither woman should be a blueprint. They are archetypes to reflect on, not cages to shrink into.
Your feminine power is unique to you. It might look like baking bread and hosting dinners. It might look like building a business and taking naps. It might look like all of it, or none of it. What matters is that you choose it, free from shame.
To release shame, you must first meet it, not with blame or resistance, but with curiosity.
Ask yourself:
Where did I learn that rest is wrong?
When did I start believing I had to earn love or approval?
What do I make it mean about me when I slow down?
These questions aren’t meant to diagnose. They’re meant to open. Because when you understand the roots of your shame, you can rewrite your story.
Releasing shame and finding balance doesn’t mean choosing between Peggy and June. It means making room for your own rhythm, your own needs, your own expression. It means creating your version of emotional healing support and claiming it unapologetically.
This work isn’t surface-level. It will challenge your identity. It will ask you to grieve parts of yourself that were never really you, but kept you safe.
And it will also set you free.
Once you become aware of shame, you get to choose how you respond. Maybe next time you feel guilty for sitting down during the day, you pause and breathe. Maybe you still get up and do the thing, but with awareness. Or maybe you don’t.
The win isn’t in the action. It’s in the consciousness.
From there, you can begin to make micro-shifts:
Saying no without over-explaining.
Resting before you're depleted.
Doing what you love, not what you "should."
Over time, those shifts become a life.
A life lived not from shame or pressure, but from truth.
You are not here to prove your worth by how much you do. You are not lazy for wanting stillness. You are not selfish for choosing yourself.
You are a whole, complex, powerful woman. Whether you find pieces of yourself in Peggy, June, or someone entirely different, your path is sacred when it comes from your heart.
And if shame is something you’re ready to shed, if the old stories are feeling too tight, too heavy, you don’t have to do it alone.
This work is gentle, deep, and life-changing. And it starts with a breath, a scan, and a willingness to get honest.
Let that be your beginning. You deserve to rest. You deserve to rise. And you deserve to feel free.
And if you’re looking for deeper guidance, you can work with me. As an Emotional Freedom Coach, I help women release shame, reconnect with their truth, and embody the balance they crave…in life, love, and business. Whether you're navigating shame around rest or simply learning how to stop feeling guilty for choosing yourself, emotional healing support is here and you're not alone.
The traditional approach to editing is for the editors to take the whole manuscript off by themselves, mark it all up, and make changes without any back-and-forth conversation. As I strive to connect with the author’s voice empathically, I’m careful to honour the author’s intent, narrative style, and flow.
Editing without the author can sometimes bypass or interfere with the author's voice. Authors retain their artistic copyright with the collaborative immersion approach I have been using since 2014. This way, any in-depth suggestions for changes are discussed.
If I suggest a change that the author does not feel is a fit, we then engage in a conversation factoring in the author’s strategic objectives. Also, we explore what they want to say to the reader. Another tool to reach a consensus is to ask what they want the reader to hear.
Together, we keep in mind that the reader is the real boss, not the
editor or the writer.
How do I empower authors to structure their books effectively, and how do they organize their ideas in both fiction and non-fiction manuscripts?
Trusting the first draft is always my first direction. If it is meant to come out and you create the space to let it flow, it will arrive, often surprising the writer. Follow their hearts and be instinctive. If the author has dived into their passion, they will most likely find and submerge themselves in that mysterious state called "flow".
Listen to anything online with Stephen Kottler speaking to learn more about the flow effect. With fiction, there is more leeway regarding how to structure your book.
How to Structure Your Book
You can have the plot flow back and forth sequentially, give chapters to different characters that come together in the end, or start from the future and work your way around to link up the beginning.
As long as you drop enough sticky bits at each chapter or section end to hook the readers’ attention and fill in the gaps you purposely leave to maintain curiosity, you can do just about anything. It is good to complete one mini-mystery in the plot as you progress and plant fresh ones.
Regarding memoirs, there are as many different ways to structure them as the people who write their stories. Quite often, people will structure their books in a linear style. You can utilize all the tools and structures listed above for fiction authors.
A few ideas are to leapfrog through the years by a common number. Or pick a theme like family weddings or the dresses you wore, friends you had through the years, what Sunday dinners were like, or the things you’ve learned on a specific topic or at regular intervals.
Using the “sticky bits” at the end of sections is also essential to keep your audience reading. It can be as simple as, “In the next chapter, readers will learn the most valuable step of the process…” Many of the fiction and poetic tools can be applied to non-fiction.
Metaphoric writing is a superb teaching tool that enhances reader retention of the information and makes what might be dry material engaging, thought-provoking, and captivating. For an example of non-fiction page-turners, look at authors Gabor Maté or Dean Copeland.
The best editors help writers balance preserving their unique voice while addressing areas that need improvement, such as plot development or factual accuracy.
Working as a collaborative, empathic editor and a ghostwriter, I start with everything that works well, then ask questions to inspire the author to view it from the reader’s perspective. Any feedback I offer is always delivered as suggestions, not as a must-do, which can set us both up for a power struggle where no one wins, least of all the reader.
After calling attention to everything that works well, addressing areas that may improve with slight changes seems more natural. Authors come to editors because, deep down, we all know a piece of writing can constantly be revised and that all writers need a keen editorial eye.
Working empathically with only one author in their specific genre at a time allows me to engage with their use of language, the tone they convey, and the way they create descriptions or explanations. These combined make an author’s voice unique; once I am in the flow of these aspects of personal authorial voice, I can better preserve them while suggesting changes to sections of text that can benefit from improvement.
Any suggestions for improvement are solely to strengthen the work. Sometimes, this requires structural editing, moving text around, and plot development for congruency and consistency. Again, any ideas for revision are discussed with the author from a foundation of tact and sensitivity.
It takes an enormous effort to write a complete book, and this accomplishment, while not for the faint-hearted, must always be kept front and centre in an editor’s mind. We didn’t sweat over it, lose sleep, or neglect other aspects of life to put each of those words down to create the book.
An editor’s role is to walk that fine line, preserving a writer's unique voice and addressing areas that can benefit from revision. The editor/author collaboration aims to make a more robust and polished final product.
Common mistakes or challenges writers face when trying to polish their manuscripts and some strategies to overcome these hurdles when refining their work.
Heather Robertson, a writer I admire, said writers are only as good as their editors and vice versa. We all need editors, and before an author hires one, I suggest finding friendly readers in your friend and family circle or training a friendly reader. I elucidate that latter point in my talk, “The Four Things Every Writer Needs.”
Even the thought of showing your manuscript to someone will flip a switch in your brain, and you will likely be invigorated to set aside time to revise and edit your work. This crucial stage is often missed when writers are in a rush or set unrealistic deadlines for themselves. While reviewing your work can be challenging, even for those with writing experience, setting your manuscript aside for five days and celebrating your accomplishments is a wise thing to do before digging in to find those grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors that will jump out at you after a break.
Another risk is loving your little darlings and becoming too attached to them. Paraphrasing Natalie Goldberg, author of several fantastic books on writing, who says, “We must be willing to kill our darlings.”
Many authors swear by the tool of reading their work aloud. You will quickly become aware of awkward phrasing, run-on sentences, and word favouritism (every author has their overused words or turns of phrases). These issues become readily apparent when reading aloud. Even more so if you have a friend read your work aloud. They can offer valuable feedback from an outsider's point of view.
One final tip: Though I have many more that arise in face-to-face meetings unique to each author, it is crucial to be amenable to make changes and try revisions based on the feedback you receive.
Sometimes, while feedback may feel like criticism, do your best to remember people who care enough to risk offering feedback are working with you to enhance your ability to create the best possible manuscript. Almost all revisions you can make at this point to raise the quality of your writing will only increase your potential success on your publishing journey. You will know you need a break, an editor, or when you are possibly done, when your energy wanes. If you still don’t feel a charge after a break, it is ready for the next phase.
Some key considerations to keep in mind to ensure your work stands out in a competitive distribution world when you are in the publishing
marketing phase.
To reach the marketing stage, the real work begins. I have curated successful self-published authors to speak at conferences when I was on organizing committees, and they are geniuses at marketing. This stage takes some consistent effort and thinking outside of the box.
I adore arriving at this stage with my authors and am often told I should teach courses on this aspect. When you jump from the editing to the publishing phase, hang on for the ride.
The market is competitive, and with some concerted effort, you can keep your book front and centre with contests, periodic sales, and delivering short excerpts on SubStack and similar programs. This is the time to be creatively strategic to reap an ROI.
Ask local papers if they have a lit section to do a review, have SM influencers on
GoodReads review it on their accounts, and consider investing in a book trailer. Book trailers communicate the feel of the book and can create a buzz of excitement and interest.
Another small but not insignificant investment you can make is NetGalley, which will preview your book to their list of signed pre-readers who can help create a buzz before you launch your book.
Use social media as much as possible, enlist your friends and readers to make posts, and keep your target audience in mind to leverage the platforms they hang out on to influence their purchasing decisions.
Do all of this or even ninety percent, and you can gain a competitive edge in the market and see that readers enjoy your book.
Rusti L Lehay, a global editor and book and writing coach, created over 40 articles guiding writers to authordom. Witnessing writers find and speak in their unique voice to serve the real boss, the audience, not the editor, is one of Rusti’s greatest joys. She offers bi-monthly online writing STAY-Treats and monthly lounges and teaches weekly creative writing classes. Her primary mission is to inspire, provide value, and make writing fun and easy.
“This is just who I am. I can’t change now.”
Have you ever said those words?
Is it true? Are you destined to be the same person, with the same personality forever? Most of us think so.
Well, get ready for a paradigm shift!
It turns out that our personality, our consistent attitudes and behaviours are not set in stone, contrary to what we've been led to believe.
Most of us believe that our personality is innate, like an unchangeable fingerprint, defining who we are and how we behave. It's as if we were assigned a fixed set of traits at birth and are stuck with them forever. We believe our personality is our real, authentic self. But hold on tight, because that view is being challenged by the research!
Our personality is not set in stone, it has been programmed and conditioned by our past. Each person and experience in our lives, especially as children, has shaped our thoughts, attitudes and behaviours and that programming has played on repeat in our lives. That programming has become so automatic that we have come to believe this is just who we are… We are just like our mom, or our grandma, and there is nothing we can do about it.
The research and my own personal experience is telling us that we can absolutely change our personality and create a new identity. We can choose to become more confident, more optimistic, more compassionate, more creative if we believe we can. Your personality is a work in progress!
For most people, the idea that you can imagine and create yourself and your own personality sounds like magic. It may feel like magic but it is possible!
Your personality can actually be chosen by you!
You can design your identity, behaviour and environment to serve the future you want to create. What goals do you wish to achieve? Who do you want to be? You can choose your personality based on the person you desire to be and the goals you wish to achieve.
When we set worthy goals that are fuelled by our desires, we have to grow into the person who can achieve those goals. Maybe you want to write a book… What are the personality traits of an author? Committed, determined, focused, ambitious, creative?? Ask yourself “What would an author do right now?” and then begin to act “as if”. The more you repeatedly choose a thought, an attitude or a behaviour, the more it will become a part of you and begin to become part of your personality.
“Your personality should come from your goals. Your goals shouldn’t come from your personality.” Paul Graham
In a nutshell, the idea that our personality is fixed is being challenged by a growing body of research. So, let go of the notion that you're stuck with the same old traits forever!
Embrace change, adopt a growth mindset, and believe in your ability to shape your personality. With intentional effort, open-mindedness, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, you can unlock your full potential and become the best version of yourself. Get ready for an incredible journey of self-discovery and personal growth!
Kelly-Anne Appleton is a Mindset & Manifestation Coach who helps women 40+ stop settling and create a life they love! Through 1:1 and group coaching Kelly-Anne helps women reprogram the beliefs that are keeping them stuck, rewrite their self image and amplify their results.
She co-hosts a weekly show, Raw & Unscripted on YouTube and she shares meaningful insights and tips to help you live a life you love on Instagram and Facebook.
