If you’re reading this, chances are you feel much like I did 18 months ago—overwhelmed, overworked, underappreciated, and disconnected. You go through your days managing your life and everyone else’s, rather than truly living it.
Does it ever feel like no matter how much you accomplish, it’s never enough? Do you find yourself giving endlessly to others, but feel drained and disconnected when it comes to your own needs?
The title of this article likely caught your attention because, deep down, you’re ready for a change. You want to break free from this vicious cycle of operating in survival mode and start shifting your reality. Am I right?
One of the most common questions I hear from women seeking transformation is: “Where do I start?”
No matter their circumstances, my answer is always the same: Start with personal accountability.
What is Personal Accountability?
Personal accountability is about stepping into ownership of your experiences in life. It’s recognizing that you have the power to choose how you respond to the events and situations you face and understanding that those choices shape your reality. It’s about shifting your mental narrative to one that supports the life you desire, rather than one that reinforces powerlessness.
At its core, personal accountability is the foundation of SELF-leadership—a crucial skill for anyone looking to live with alignment and intention. While we won’t dive into SELF-leadership in this article, it involves intentionally guiding your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in alignment with your core values, purpose, and desired outcomes.
Now that we understand personal accountability and why it matters, let’s look at 6 simple strategies you can start applying in your life today.
We can’t change what we aren’t aware of or willing to accept; real transformation starts with self-awareness. Begin by identifying the areas of your life where you feel stuck or unsatisfied.
Once you’ve identified these areas, ask yourself the following questions:
Once you identify the areas where you feel stuck and recognize some underlying root causes, you can take intentional steps to break the pattern. Personal accountability begins with recognizing where you need to make a change.
When you embrace personal accountability, you move from feeling like life happens to you, to realizing that life is something you actively create. Often, we become stuck when we identify with our past experiences, instead of shifting our focus toward intentionally taking action to create the life we desire.
Remember: Our current reality is the result of our past decisions, and our future is actively being shaped by the choices we make today. Every day presents a new opportunity to create the future you desire. Start now.
To take this a step further, the next time you feel stuck, instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” ask, “What is this teaching me? How can I respond in a way that aligns with the outcome I want?”
Our thoughts are powerful and have so much influence over our reality. This step is about noticing when you fall into negative thinking patterns, such as “This is just the way things are” or “I have no control over this.”
When this happens, pause and reframe. Ask yourself, “Are these thoughts actually based in truth?”
Then, choose thoughts that empower you: “I have the power to respond differently” or “I can influence the change I am seeking by rewiring my thoughts.”
Learning to shift your mental narrative is essential to taking responsibility for the life you want. It requires the willingness to recognize limiting beliefs, challenge them, and let them go.
Taking responsibility for your life means prioritizing choices and taking actions that align with the version of yourself you want to become. It’s about showing up, day after day, especially when it’s uncomfortable, and making decisions from a place of empowerment, rather than fear or discomfort.
When and only when you are willing to accept that you are the only one who has the power to shape your life, you reclaim your agency and become empowered to keep moving forward.
Personal accountability isn’t about perfection; it’s about making progress. By building a habit of compassionate self-reflection, you’ll stay committed to the process of creating the lasting changes you desire.
At the end of each day, ask yourself: “Did I make choices that align with the person I want to become?” rather than “Did I accomplish my goal?” Learning to move away from black-and-white thinking and pausing to celebrate all wins, big or small, builds the momentum needed for continued personal growth.
Many of us become so focused on the “goal” or “desired outcome” that we lose sight of the journey itself—and all the growth that happens along the way. I know firsthand the importance of fully embracing the journey, approaching it with a beginner’s mind, and detaching from desired outcomes. The real magic and alignment happens when we remain flexible and committed to ourselves from a growth perspective, rather than an outcome-driven one.
Part of the magic of living in alignment with your true self is trusting the process and believing in something bigger than you.
If there’s one key takeaway from all of this, let it be this: Surrender control, detach from expectations, embrace the journey, and watch the magic unfold.
The Path to Joy and Abundance Begins with Personal Accountability
To create the life you truly desire—one filled with joy, abundance, and purpose—the first step is to take full ownership of your experience. When you do, you’ll start to see that every choice you make will either bring you closer to the life you want or keep you further from it. The choice is yours.
I hope this article has inspired you and sparked the motivation to start applying these personal accountability strategies in your life today.
If you found this article helpful and want to dive deeper, I’d love to connect! Join me at my Downtown Toronto Happy Healthy Women events, visit my website, or follow me on Instagram for more resources and support on your journey!
Emily Zhuang is a Certified Health Coach, Lifestyle Transformation Coach, and creator of The Balance and Thrive Method. Emily specializes in empowering purpose-driven female entrepreneurs to define their self-worth and gain the confidence they deserve, so they can create the life they truly desire. By guiding women to realign their time, energy, and resources inward, Emily enables them to live in alignment with their true purpose, and experience a life of freedom and true fulfillment. Her client-centered approach focuses on whole-person health, addressing the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual states of being, utilizing sustainable lifestyle shifts rooted in her Core Pillars of Health to deliver lasting results.
Hello dear HHW Global community!
As we greet the rejuvenating season of spring, I find myself reflecting on growth - not just the blossoming around us, but our personal journeys of expansion and transformation. Let's explore this together, through the lens of my own story and the wisdom of Ayurvedic elements.
Consider a thriving plant. When it outgrows its pot, we don't hesitate to transplant it into a larger one, giving it room to flourish. This simple act of changing containers is a powerful metaphor for personal and professional growth. Just like the plant, we too need space to expand, to reach our full potential.
When I first embarked on my solo journey as a Reiki master teacher, the world of business was uncharted territory for me. I felt like a seedling in a small pot, yearning for space. Joining the HHW community was my way of stepping into a bigger container. This leap not only nurtured my growth as a Reiki practitioner but also as a solopreneur. It was a transformation that resonated deeply with the essence of Reiki - flowing with life's energy and embracing change.
Ayurveda, often referred to as the sister science of Yoga, is an ancient holistic healing system from India. It emphasizes the balance of body, mind, and spirit through the understanding of the five elements – Earth, Water, Fire, Air, and Ether. These elements represent different aspects of our existence and align with specific chakras, reminding us that growth is multidimensional. For instance, 'Earth' grounds us in stability, 'Water' nurtures our adaptability and emotional well-being, 'Fire' fuels our ambitions and transformative energy, 'Air' symbolizes movement and change, and 'Ether' connects us to the expansive, spiritual aspects of the universe.
This spring marks a special time in our collective journey - an opportunity to embrace the spirit of renewal and growth, aligning ourselves with the natural rhythm of the universe. As part of our Spring Awakening series, we will embark on a profound exploration of these Ayurvedic elements, each linked to specific chakras and meditations. This is more than just a learning experience; it's a transformative journey, allowing us to find our larger pot, where our roots can delve deeper and our branches can stretch higher. For more details about the series and how to be a part of this elemental harmony, please click here. Join us every Wednesday at 7:55 pm, from April 3rd to June 19th, as we embrace the renewing energies of Earth, Water, Fire, Air, and Ether, fostering holistic growth and balance.
As we each navigate our path towards a larger container for growth, let's draw inspiration from the Ayurvedic elements. These ancient elements guide us in fully embracing our potential, reminding us that growth is a harmonious blend of understanding and aligning with the natural forces within and around us. In our 'Spring Awakening' series, we'll explore this synergy between the timeless teachings of Ayurveda and the enduring wisdom of Reiki. Together, these practices offer a holistic path to growth, balance, and well-being. Join me in this journey as we transcend our boundaries and flourish in this season of renewal and awakening. Here's to growing together in harmony and wisdom!
Nasreen, a Reiki Master Teacher and founder of Japan Reiki Studio, is also the Canada chapter head of the Japan Reiki Association. She introduces women to self-care and energy work through her Wellness Reiki Circle, a first step in their transformative journey. With a philosophy of 'me first, then everyone else,' Nasreen emphasizes self-healing as essential for empowerment. A former skeptic turned passionate practitioner, she dedicates her life to teaching, healing, and life coaching, aiming to elevate vibrations and spread resilience and positivity.
In the tapestry of femininity, there exist four archetypes that reflect the diverse phases of a woman's life. These archetypes—Maiden, Mother, Queen, and Crone—guide us through different stages of our lives, each offering its own unique wisdom and lessons.
Many of us, in our 40’s-60’s, find ourselves in what society calls a Midlife Crisis! Chaos and a feeling of unbearableness may be our constant companions. Understanding that you may simply be embodying the Queen archetype at this stage of your life may go a long way in a deeper understanding of yourself. When I learned this I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t going crazy after all!
Let’s dive in to understand these archetypes a little more.
The Maiden archetype, which we often see as a young girl into her early 20’s, embodies autonomy and a magnetic charm. She belongs solely to herself, free from the need to answer to anyone. With an open heart and positivity, the Maiden attracts new opportunities into her life. She is willing to take leaps of faith, sitting in the receiving mode, accepting all that life offers.
The Mother archetype is the grand nurturer. She does not have to have her own biological children to be in that mothering phase of her life. She brings a mothering energy to the world, offering care and compassion to all people in her life. She gives life to children, new ideas, projects and relationships. The Mother embodies self-sacrifice, focusing on meaningful purpose in her family and community. She sits in offering, giving of herself to others and the world.
This time of our lives when we are embodying the Mother archetype can feel like we have so many commitments to others that we feel we lose ourselves. For some they move from this archetype after their children leave the nest, but many remain here for the rest of their lives.
The Queen archetype is highly sensitive and intuitive, feeling the need for solitude to explore her inner world. She may experience irritability and question the constructs of her life and beliefs. She feels unhappy and unfulfilled with some areas of her life and longs for something more. In this phase she may begin to question everything: her relationships, her career, her beliefs, her purpose. The Queen's focus shifts to her spiritual path and soul's journey, tearing down societal myths. She begins to seek out her own inner power and challenges the status quo. She longs for a return to her authentic self, sitting in the space of awakening. It’s not a crisis but rather an awakening!
The Crone archetype is an observer, open to messages from her soul. She embodies deep wisdom and no longer feels the need to achieve, granting her a sense of freedom. Her intuition and introspection lead her to a profound awareness of her own being-ness. The Crone sits in the realm of knowingness.
These four feminine archetypes—Maiden, Mother, Queen, and Crone—guide us through the various stages of womanhood, offering insights and strengths unique to each phase. Embracing the gifts and challenges of where you find yourself on the journey, will lead you to a deeper understanding of yourself.
In today's world where women are redefining boundaries and shattering glass ceilings, the value of confidence cannot be overstated. But what is often missed in this narrative is the expansive freedom that confidence can bring into our lives. As women invested in health and wholeness, it's essential to understand how cultivating confidence can lead to holistic well-being.
Here's a glimpse into the freedoms unlocked by confidence:
1. Freedom of Expression
Confidence empowers women to voice their unique opinions, beliefs, and feelings. It paves the way for genuine communication, free from the constraints of societal judgments.
2. Freedom to Pursue Dreams
Every woman has dreams and aspirations. With confidence, the horizon expands, making it possible to chase those dreams, take calculated risks, and step into uncharted territories.
3. Freedom from Fear
Confidence serves as a shield against the fears of failure, rejection, or criticism. It emboldens women to act decisively and reclaim their narrative.
4. Freedom of Authenticity
There's a raw beauty in being genuine. Confidence lets women shed facades, encouraging them to embrace and celebrate their true selves.
5. Freedom from Regret
Decisions made with confidence, even those leading to mistakes, eliminate the burden of perpetual "what ifs".
6. Freedom in Relationships
Confidence builds the foundation for healthier relationships, enabling women to set boundaries, articulate needs, and foster mutual respect.
7. Freedom from Limiting Beliefs
Every woman carries the power to challenge internal barriers and self-imposed limitations. Confidence is the key that unlocks this potential.
8. Freedom to Learn and Grow
Instead of viewing setbacks as defeats, confidence transforms them into invaluable learning experiences, promoting growth and resilience.
9. Freedom of Self-Love
At the heart of confidence lies self-acceptance. It's about liberating oneself from relentless self-criticism and embracing self-love.
10. Freedom from Dependency
Confidence breeds self-reliance, reducing the constant need for external approval or validation.
11. Freedom to Innovate
Creativity flourishes in the face of confidence. It encourages women to challenge the norm, think unconventionally, and birth new ideas.
12. Freedom to Lead
Confident women often rise as torchbearers, inspiring and guiding others with their vision and passion.
The journey of confidence is deeply personal. While these freedoms might resonate with many, each woman's experience with confidence is uniquely her own. As we embrace health and wholeness, let us also open our arms to the incredible freedoms that confidence can bring into our lives, recognizing it as an integral component of our holistic well-being.
Karen Vaile is a Confidence & Life Coach and Founder of Karen’s Coaching Korner. She helps businesswomen create the confidence they need to take the bold action necessary to achieve all their personal and professional goals.
Karen's mission is centred on transforming uncertainty, self-doubt and apprehension into assertiveness and decisive ambition. Through her 1:1 coaching program “Create Your Confidence” she tailors her approach to each client's unique needs helping each one to reach her fullest potential, attain her goals, embrace boldness and embody confidence and grace in every aspect of life. Karen can be reached via DM.
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Karen is happy to be a Happy Healthy Women Toronto, ON Trailblazer.
Have you ever stopped to think about the ideas and beliefs that guide your life? We all carry a treasure trove of thoughts, viewpoints and beliefs that make us who we are. Most of them have been there before our eighth birthday. But guess what? Some of these beliefs are not serving you, they are actually keeping you stuck and preventing you from creating a life you love.
Let’s dive into the world of programmed beliefs or paradigms – those habitual thoughts, housed in our subconscious mind, that shape our lives without us even realizing it. Let's explore how questioning these beliefs can be your passport to creating a life you love!
Programmed beliefs or paradigms are like the computer software of your mind – they dictate your thoughts, feelings, actions and results, often without your conscious approval. Some of these beliefs are moving you forward, while others are keeping you stuck. Because these beliefs have been a part of you since a very early age you think that they are set in stone but they're more like clay that you can mold and reshape. Many of the beliefs you hold are not even rooted in truth. They are things you have come to believe about yourself and the world, but they were actually put there by someone else. Your parents, your teachers, your culture, your religion, society, traumas or experiences you have had as a child have all shaped the beliefs you now hold.
These programmed beliefs that are housed in your subconscious mind, have incredible power in your life. They determine and affect every aspects of your life, creating a ripple effect:
The great news is we can reprogram subconscious beliefs! We can choose new beliefs, those that support us in creating the life we desire. We can transform our lives through rewriting our beliefs and making them a part of our subconscious program. Here are the steps to begin that transformation:
Embrace this journey of curiosity and transformation. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you may encounter some challenging thoughts and beliefs along the way. Continue asking yourself questions. Those questions will lead you to the new beliefs you need, to create what you desire. Remember, everything you need is inside you. As you peel back the layers of old ideas and beliefs, and begin to reprogram your subconscious mind, you're making room for all the potential and possibilities that live inside you!
Kelly-Anne Appleton is a Mindset & Manifestation Coach who helps women 40+ stop settling and create a life they love! Through 1:1 and group coaching Kelly-Anne helps women reprogram the beliefs that are keeping them stuck, rewrite their self image and amplify their results. She shares meaningful insights and tips to help you live a life you love on Instagram and Facebook.
“This is just who I am. I can’t change now.”
Have you ever said those words?
Is it true? Are you destined to be the same person, with the same personality forever? Most of us think so.
Well, get ready for a paradigm shift!
It turns out that our personality, our consistent attitudes and behaviours are not set in stone, contrary to what we've been led to believe.
Most of us believe that our personality is innate, like an unchangeable fingerprint, defining who we are and how we behave. It's as if we were assigned a fixed set of traits at birth and are stuck with them forever. We believe our personality is our real, authentic self. But hold on tight, because that view is being challenged by the research!
Our personality is not set in stone, it has been programmed and conditioned by our past. Each person and experience in our lives, especially as children, has shaped our thoughts, attitudes and behaviours and that programming has played on repeat in our lives. That programming has become so automatic that we have come to believe this is just who we are… We are just like our mom, or our grandma, and there is nothing we can do about it.
The research and my own personal experience is telling us that we can absolutely change our personality and create a new identity. We can choose to become more confident, more optimistic, more compassionate, more creative if we believe we can. Your personality is a work in progress!
For most people, the idea that you can imagine and create yourself and your own personality sounds like magic. It may feel like magic but it is possible!
Your personality can actually be chosen by you!
You can design your identity, behaviour and environment to serve the future you want to create. What goals do you wish to achieve? Who do you want to be? You can choose your personality based on the person you desire to be and the goals you wish to achieve.
When we set worthy goals that are fuelled by our desires, we have to grow into the person who can achieve those goals. Maybe you want to write a book… What are the personality traits of an author? Committed, determined, focused, ambitious, creative?? Ask yourself “What would an author do right now?” and then begin to act “as if”. The more you repeatedly choose a thought, an attitude or a behaviour, the more it will become a part of you and begin to become part of your personality.
“Your personality should come from your goals. Your goals shouldn’t come from your personality.” Paul Graham
In a nutshell, the idea that our personality is fixed is being challenged by a growing body of research. So, let go of the notion that you're stuck with the same old traits forever!
Embrace change, adopt a growth mindset, and believe in your ability to shape your personality. With intentional effort, open-mindedness, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, you can unlock your full potential and become the best version of yourself. Get ready for an incredible journey of self-discovery and personal growth!
Kelly-Anne Appleton is a Mindset & Manifestation Coach who helps women 40+ stop settling and create a life they love! Through 1:1 and group coaching Kelly-Anne helps women reprogram the beliefs that are keeping them stuck, rewrite their self image and amplify their results.
She co-hosts a weekly show, Raw & Unscripted on YouTube and she shares meaningful insights and tips to help you live a life you love on Instagram and Facebook.
Earlier this year, I did a masterclass for Happy Healthy Women on the 3 Phases of Growth where I compared the mind to a garden and how our growth can shape shift and take on different nuances. In short, we are either in a Dormant, Rooting or Blooming phase, and depending where we’re at, our goals, thoughts, feelings and ensuing actions will look very different.
The Rooting and Blooming Phases are exciting in that this is where we step into our full potential and into a creative stream that changes our trajectory.
The Dormant phase, however, might look like something we want to avoid entirely at first blush because it looks like it’s somewhat counterproductive and even destructive. That’s true…and false.
Even though the Dormant phase might otherwise be known as the “Dark Night of the Soul”, or burnout, or irretrievably stuck, it’s also an amazing opportunity to regroup, review existing goals, and rewrite the next chapter.
Having been a visitor to this state a number of times, here are my top recommendations for maximizing the Dormant phase where you can come out of it the champion you were born to be.
Take Stock
It’s often easy to overlook what makes us truly powerful and unique, even in the best of times. This is where a journal and a pen (not a pencil - there’s a difference) come into play. Using a variation on the mind dump from The Artist’s Way (by Julia Cameron), write down everything and I mean EVERYTHING that makes you, well,... YOU. Don’t overthink, just dump out everything that pops into your mind in 5 minutes. The key here is to keep the pen moving
Ask the following questions:
Where Have I Seen This Before?
What lessons keep coming back, but in different clothing? For the better part of my career, I was riddled with Impostor’s Syndrome - sometimes in crippling proportions.
With every new job, the pattern was the same - euphoria at the start, learning everything I could, then making sure I was contributing to the greater good. I’d look like a rock star initially, then when the honeymoon appeared to be over (my own perception), Impostor’s Syndrome would creep in.
In hindsight, I can now see clearly how I was Upper Limiting myself (as per Gay Hendricks). Ultimately, I would go dormant - either leaving the job or being released - running away, essentially, only to wind up in yet another toxic environment. Rinse & repeat.
It wasn’t until I intercepted an email from a VP intended for my director at the time that I fully received and registered the final punch to the head from the Universe. Not surprising, since I had ignored every single nudge up until that point. Long and short of that email - “... I thought we agreed she doesn’t bring any value…”
Ouch… and thanks.
This was ultimately a gift because I had to look, once and for all, at what MY role was in this pattern. I took a hard look at what I could control and what I could not. I always blamed corporate politics and how I didn’t play well, but the fact of the matter was, I played an active role in creating that environment. I taught people how to treat me. It’s not their reaction I could control, it was my own self-image, my own self-worth - my self-talk. I finally had to get my head around the fact that no one does ME better than ME.
Ask the following questions:
What Is One Thing I Can Do Today?
Action - any action - kills doubt. The fastest way to start shaking up the dormant ground loose is to go do something nice for another human. Make the call, send the note, pay a sincere compliment, pay for the next person in the coffee line. Instant dopamine hit.
If you have daily rituals, make sure you keep them in a dormant phase. If you don’t, then start (slowly at first - you want them to stick). More importantly, make these non-negotiable. That is, if sweating it out at the gym isn’t your strong suit (hello, doppelganger), then make a simple daily walk non-negotiable.
Conclusion
Let’s get clear, a Dormant state is not a bad thing, it’s actually needed in some instances so you can step back and reassess. However, it can turn into a bigger challenge if it’s not appropriately addressed and you aren’t giving yourself the grace needed to uncover and move through the lessons so you can get to the Rooting, and ultimately the Blooming phase (your new normal).
If any of this is resonating, let me know. I’d love to hear about your own go’tos.
About Carole
Carole Filion is a Mindset Coach who helps women in or approaching their 60’s rediscover their magnificent selves and plan and live out their next chapter with excitement, grace and a whole lot of fun!
Follow her on Instagram @carolejfilion
Join her Facebook group Badass Revolution - Kicking Ass while Staying Heart-Centered
Are you winning your day? Your week? Your life?
Do you know where you are going and setting small actionable goals to get there?
Are you setting yourself up for success?
Are you doing consistent daily practices to help you grow, evolve and expand as an entrepreneur?
GROWING A BUSINESS AND YOURSELF = DAILY PRACTICES
Yep, I said.. you need to develop daily habits that will support your mindset, your emotional state, your self-esteem, your state of being.
You see I used to dabble.. A LOT.. with daily practices.
I would start my daily work and then things would get better, so I would stop and eventually go back to my old ways and then I’d regress. Then it would take me a while to realize that I had done it again so I would start my daily work, get better and stop again and regress… It was such a vicious cycle.
One thing that I have learnt in the last 8 years of being an entrepreneur is that if you don’t do the daily work, you stay stuck. Your old habits that you worked so hard to get rid of take over and you are right back where you started.
I have been doing consistent daily work for years now. Why? Because…
I have a clear idea of the person that I want to be and the goals I want to achieve and by doing the daily work and taking care of myself, I show up ready, with confidence and with knowing AND my business grows.
I take some time for myself every day to do the things that will help me become a better version of myself, that will help me show up and set myself up for success.
This time is NON-NEGOTIABLE for me. It keeps me grounded, keeps me focused and helps me grow everyday.
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Start making time for yourself every day, get focused, do the work and start becoming a better version of yourself.
Carve out some time in your agenda for YOU. May it be 10 min a day or an hour, what capacity do you have? White that out in your calendar for YOU TIME.
Honour yourself enough to keep this time for you. You are worth it! Most of us tend to not take this time seriously and if something comes up we easily give it up. DON’T DO THAT!
Take some time to breathe, meditate, read, journal, listen to a podcast, whatever you are being called to do to pour back into your own cup and to help you become a better version of yourself. Elevate your state of being.
Taking a step back and giving yourself the space you need opens up your intuitive channel and helps you live a life aligned with who you are and want to be.
You got this!
Much love,
Rachel xo
Rachel Benton is a Licensed Life & Embodiment Coach and a ThetaHealing Energy Practitioner. She helps women step into the essence of who they are so they can build a business in complete alignment with their truth, intuition & integrity and guides them to create a soulful life that FUELS and IGNITES them!
Rachel is also the branch director for Happy Healthy Women - Cambridge (https://www.facebook.com/groups/1761666377428793)
Connect with her today:
Website: https://rachelbentoncoaching.com/
Instagram: @wildroserising
Have you ever noticed that you live from a place of rejection and/or betrayal on a daily basis?
Let me explain.. Fear of rejection and betrayal are 2 of the most common fears that humans have. Every time we make a decision or take action, our fears come up and we decide from this place. Our minds go into full gear: 'how have I experienced these emotions and fears before and how can I avoid going through that again'? No matter the situation, this is your bottom line. Will I be rejected and/or will I be betrayed?!
For example:
You want to start a business or apply for a new job. Your first reaction will be to go through all of the ways this could go wrong and then start doubting yourself and feeling that you aren't good enough. You reject and betray yourself before you even begin because you don't want others to do it first.
You message a friend, a co-worker, a family member and they don't respond, you automatically think it's you, you've done something wrong or that they are mad at you. You go into feelings of rejection and/or betrayal because that is the story that runs in your mind. Those are the emotions you associate with.
You hide behind labels (wife, mother, CEO, etc.) and masks (perfectionism, good girl, over-achiever, etc) when you encounter people in your life. These become anchors to make you feel like you are somebody in case you get rejected and/or betrayed. They become the barriers you set for protection.
What if we started interrupting these thoughts and beliefs and replace them with loving and accepting thoughts? Wouldn't that be more pleasurable? Wouldn't that make us want to show up for ourselves more often?
What if every morning when you get up, you choose how you want to show up that day?
What if every day you become more and more curious about who you are?
What if you get to decide who you want to be in every moment?
What if you remind yourself of the good that you bring to this world?
What if you concentrate on the things you are proud of?
What if TODAY YOU CHOOSE a different way, a different life?
This is how you start changing the negative patterns.
Be AWARE of the fears and how they are subtly showing up in your life.
INTENTIONALLY reach for new positive and empowering beliefs
CHOOSE to act differently
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Write these down and say them every day, truly feel the energy they bring and spend time in state:
I am capable of achieving all that I want.
I deserve to love and to be loved.
I am worthy because I exist.
I ACCEPT who I am and where I am at this moment
Get to know who you are without the fear of rejection and betrayal, without the masks and the labels, without the barriers of protection.
WHO WOULD THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUL BE?
WHO COULD SHE BECOME if she started accepting herself where she is flaws and all?
HOW WONDERFUL would it be to show up from this place?
I know she exists within you, she just needs a little help to emerge!
Lots of love,
Rachel xo
Do you ever feel discouraged?
I do. And when I feel discouraged, I feel it as a heavy, sticky, dark feeling in the pit of my stomach that weighs my heart down and closes me off from empowerment. In fact, discouragement is the opposite of empowerment. The word discourage comes from the French origin “des”, meaning “to take away”. So in discourage, courage is being taken away. In addition, I also think empowerment, enthusiasm, confidence, and joy are all being taken away when we experience discouragement.
It takes courage to be empowered. It takes courage to be confident. It takes courage to be enthusiastic and joyful. It takes courage to show up in the world authentically, day after day. When we feel discouraged, all these things are taken away too.
But underneath the discouragement, courage and confidence and purpose are still there. And it’s a matter of remembering that and then deciding to choose empowerment over disempowerment, joy over victimhood, enthusiasm over apathy, confidence over fear, and courage over discouragement.
I’d like to share my ‘Discouragement Dissipation Process’; a process I developed for my Accelerate Your Inner Wisdom coaching program. I encourage you to use this process next time you feel discouraged.
Step 1
When you feel discouraged, sit with the feeling and the energy of discouragement. How does it feel? Where do you feel it in your body? What other emotions are associated with it? (i.e., do you also feel anger, frustration, jealousy, or sadness?).
Don’t judge what you’re feeling. Just sit with it and let the feelings be. You may find it helpful to put your hand to where you feel it in your body.
Don’t push it away or resist it.
Imagine having an open heart as you feel what you feel.
As you’re doing this, use your intellectual mind to know two things:
1) Sitting with discouragement is challenging and will feel hard.
2) The feeling will dissipate and release.
Step 2
After a few minutes when the feeling dissipates (and it will) and you’re feeling lighter, take out your journal and reflect on the following questions:
Step 3
Reframe and redefine the discouragement.
Discouragement comes from the thought or story that something “is not working”. This is a victim mindset and our brain likes to point us to all the evidence that supports this (incorrect) thought.
Take yourself from a victim mindset and towards a more empowered energy by journaling on the following questions:
Step 4
Review your “how things are working for me” list from Step 3. What do you see? What patterns are emerging? This is valuable information as to where you need to be spending more time, more energy, and more resources to create more opportunities for the things that are working.
Step 5
Brainstorm ways to do more of the things that work for you. Create action steps that will move you in the direction of empowerment, courage, joy, and purpose.
Step 6
Keep track of how the Universe opens up and responds to your new definition of what’s working, your reframed thoughts, and your inspired action steps.
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I love seeing my clients move from discouragement to courage, confidence, and fulfillment. When women know what is most important to them and they feel empowered to go after what they desire, they can create so much positive change.
I can help you, too. In my 3-month coaching accelerator I'll show you how to move into confidence, purpose, and fulfilment. Book a call with me today and let's get started! Apply to work with me today.
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Vera is a Life Coach whose mission is to help women shine their light more brightly. Her signature program accelerates her clients’ connection to their inner wisdom, aligning them to their purpose, confidence, and inspired actions they can rely on, so that they can live a genuine and fulfilled life. Apply to work with Vera.
Vera hosts a podcast, Practical Wisdom from a Life Coach, which can be found on all podcast platforms.
She is also a Trailblazer with Happy Healthy Women.
Connect with Vera on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn and learn more about her at her website.
Are you experiencing lots of different feelings, all at the same time? Is your brain overloaded with thoughts constantly running through your mind? Do you feel overwhelmed?
I think most people are experiencing some level of overwhelm right now. There’s just so much going on in the world, and in your personal life too.
One of the ways to reduce overwhelm, is to make time to sort through all your thoughts and feelings.
This requires SPACE.
Space in your heart for curiosity.
Space in your mind for reflection and retrospection.
Space in your body for the emotions to flow.
Space means physical space, digital space, and energetic space.
Physical space
Don’t underestimate the impact of your physical environment on your emotional and mental wellbeing. If you’re anything like me, clutter gets your heart rate up and you may not even be able to start making dinner until the kitchen is tidied up and clean.
This is true for most people, even if they don’t realize it.
There has been a lot of research on the impact of clutter and disorganization on our stress. Scientists have found that people’s cortisol levels go up when they see clutter or a mess in their physical environment. Cortisol is the hormone that is secreted when we experience stress, and too much cortisol is detrimental to physical health, most notably causing weight gain if it’s in our systems for extended periods of time. Decluttering can actually be part of your weight management strategy!
Think about your physical environment.
Is it cluttered or disorganized?
Does it feel good, or stressful?
What is the energy like – light or heavy?
Think about a space that makes you feel good. What is it that makes it feel good? It’s probably because its organized and tidy and clean.
Organized and tidy doesn’t need to mean sparse or minimal if that is not your style. But it does mean a space in which everything is intentional and where everything has a purpose.
Marie Condo, in her book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, advises us to ask, “Does this bring me joy?” for each knickknack, artwork, and piece of furniture that is part of our physical space.
Take a look at the spaces in which you spend the most time in.
Do you love everything in it?
Is there something that can be given away or sold?
What can be decluttered, filed, thrown away, moved or tidied up?
Is there a way to bring more joyful items into the room?
A few suggestions:
Another tip for physical spaces is to create a habit of regular tidying up, instead of waiting until its overwhelming. This could look like scheduling 30 minutes on Friday afternoon to tidy up your office, do your filing, organize your books and papers, etc. For closets and bedrooms, go through and declutter and organize when the seasons change (i.e., in the spring and in the fall).
Digital space
This is a space that can get cluttered up very quickly but something that most people ignore. As with physical clutter, clutter in your digital world will also increase stress, feelings of overwhelm, and a general feeling of being disorganized.
Here are some tips for decluttering your digital space:
1. Organize all your apps on your phone. These tend to get piled up until you have multiple home screens and you need to constantly scroll around to find what you’re looking for. Take a few minutes tonight or this weekend to organize all your apps. Start with deleting the ones you don’t use. Put all similar or like apps into categories and label these categories with what makes the most sense for you. Examples of categories are Fitness, Social Media, Entertainment, Health, Travel, Productivity, and Loyalty Cards.
Energetic space
Energetic space is the energy we give to others and to our commitments. Think about all the ways in which you give of your energy. To your family, your children, your colleagues or team members, the committees or boards you sit on, the volunteer activities you participate in, all the times you hold space for friends, the energy you utilize to keep yourself healthy by working out or preparing healthy meals. All these activities require energy.
Take a look at your calendar with all your commitments.
Are all of these serving you?
Do all your commitments and activities bring you joy?
Which commitments feel like they are cluttering up your energetic space?
Is there something you can back away from or maybe stop altogether?
Where are you focusing energy that maybe can be directed elsewhere where it will serve you more and allow you to bring more of yourself of?
Hopefully some of these suggestions spark ideas for you on how to create more space in your physical, digital and energetic environments, to allow more mental space and more heart space to listen to yourself, sort through your thoughts and feelings, and reduce overwhelm***
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If you are looking for support with creating space for your thoughts and feelings, I can help. I invite you to work with me and learn about how I can help you live a genuine, fulfilled, and aligned life. Apply to work with me today.
***
Vera is a Life Coach whose mission is to help women shine their light more brightly. Her signature program accelerates her clients’ connection to their inner wisdom, aligning them to their purpose, confidence, and inspired actions they can rely on, so that they can live a genuine and fulfilled life. Apply to work with Vera.
Vera hosts a podcast, Practical Wisdom from a Life Coach, which can be found on all podcast platforms.
She is also a Trailblazer with Happy Healthy Women.
Connect with Vera on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn and learn more about her at her website.
