What Is Empowerment? by Shelby Avann

If we go by the Merriam-Webster definition, this is what it says. “Empowerment means giving people the power, right, or authority to do something. It is the process of growing stronger and more confident, taking control of life, and claiming important rights.”

I don’t think that one person can give someone their power. It is innately owned by ourselves. But the right people can help to guide you back to your power and reclaim it. This is what I do in all of my work.

Empowerment to me means helping women to understand themselves better. To embrace their passions, their desires, their emotions. To be vulnerable and soft as well as boundaried and strong.

If you don’t understand or trust yourself, how can you find your power?

Here are some common empowerment issues I come across with my clients.

I can’t be a dancer because I was told my body isn’t the right type for dance.
I’m not strong enough, coordinated enough, or creative enough to dance or do choreography.
I can’t hear, or I don’t trust my intuition.
No one understands me.
I keep getting rejected from communities.
I can’t charge that amount! I won’t get any clients.
I don’t get a lot of pleasure during sex.

Every single one of these statements is a disempowering belief. They all have come from lived experiences or consistent stories from others we care about.

In order to reclaim your power back, you need to change the story. You need to WANT to change the story. Some people aren’t at all interested in changing and want to stay in a victim mentality because it can feel good to have others feel sorry for you and say that you were wronged. It can feel validating and supportive in a way. But ultimately it keeps you from growing and experiencing a different story. We have to take accountability for the way that we are living our lives. We are the only ones who can ultimately change it.

Let me give you some better beliefs from the above examples.

Bodies are meant to move, and mine can; therefore, I can dance and be a dancer if I want.
It is possible to build the strength and the skills to dance and be able to do a full choreographed routine; I just need to be consistent and compassionate with myself.
I’m beginning to build a relationship with my intuition again, and I can hear and feel it a little more each day.
I am learning to understand myself more so that I can clearly express myself to others so they can better understand me.
My communities have served me for the time I needed them. I grow quickly, and sometimes that means I outgrow spaces. I know I am capable of making new friends and joining new communities because I am a friendly person and I have done it before.
When I charge a higher amount for my program, it attracts clients that are serious about doing the work. It also prevents me from feeling resentful because I know I will give my clients my all.

The sex point is getting its own paragraph. When it comes to sex, we begin talking about one of the most vulnerable topics. It can mean different things to different people. It can represent feeling loved, desired, wanted. It can also just be a form of release. I believe sex to be deeply intimate. And while we are here, let’s also talk about the word intimacy.

Here is the definition from Verywell Mind: “Intimacy means a close, warm, and deep connection with another person. It involves trust, sharing true feelings, and feeling safe. While it often includes physical touch or sex, it also means letting your guard down so someone truly knows and understands your inner self .”

The only part of this definition I disagree with is that intimacy often includes sex. Intimacy and sex are not one in the same. They are used interchangeably, and my issue with it is that it really seems to dilute what intimacy really is. It is emotional connection. The deep conversations. Showing vulnerability. Giving and receiving. Showing support. Allowing yourself to be seen, and this can be in expressing yourself with words in a conversation, or this can be through your art. Dance, painting, music, your business. These things can really show what we are passionate about and are incredibly intimate things that we share with the world.

So when we come back to sex, the intimacy of the day is what can make the sex good. Building intimacy with self in the sense of really taking the time to understand yourself, your needs, desires, your nervous systems, how you respond when you are stressed or in a certain emotional state, and how you share those things with your partner will all affect sex. The way that your partner responds will also affect this. AND although it is not in your control of how your partner responds, it is in your control to express your needs. If you feel dismissed, say so. If you feel like you have something on your heart that you want to share before getting naked, then share that.

Everyone needs deep intimacy. And this is the main key to re-empowering yourself.

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Are you a good fit for me?

If you are a woman who :

Wants to reclaim her relationship with her sexuality and body
Is capable and knows she is meant for more but feels blocked by self-doubt, procrastination, or patterns holding her back
Is a dancer who wants to find the fun in dance again instead of focusing on perfection or performance
Identifies as an empath and wants more grounded work to help with creating better protection and boundaries with self and others
Has lost touch with herself and wants to rebuild her confidence, boundaries, and sense of identity.