If you’re in a long-term relationship (married or not), how’s it going? Be honest. No one’s watching.
If the answer is just so-so, I hear you. I’ve been there, but let’s not make this about me. Let’s focus on you.
So-so means something’s missing. For one reason or another your relationship isn’t quite as fulfilling as you’d like it to be, but it isn’t terrible. Gotcha.
You look around at other relationships and think, “wow, mine could be so much worse.” And with that simple observation you decide that not terrible is good enough.
The house is nearly paid for. Your kids are healthy and happy. Your partner’s nice and your relationship is relatively free of drama. All in all, it’s not too bad.
So what if you spend more time engaging with your Instafriends than you do with your partner. So what if you don’t laugh together quite as often as you used to. So what if you haven’t had sex in six months.
“It is what it is,” you tell yourself.
It is what it is. Oh, how I dislike that phrase.
Granted, it has its place, like when you’re in a massive lineup at the grocery store and there’s nothing you can do about it if you want cream for your morning coffee.
The thing is, though, we tend to throw that phrase around as a rationale for accepting things we’d never say yes to given the chance to start over. And if you were to start your relationship over, would you be satisfied with the situation you find yourself in today?
If the answer is yes, I’m genuinely happy for you. If the answer is no, however, ask yourself this: at what point in your relationship did you decide that it was no longer reasonable (let alone important) to ask for what you want?
Here’s the thing. Whether you’re 30, 40 or 50, you potentially have decades of life ahead of you. We’re talking 30, 40 or even 50 more years. That’s a long time. A really, really long time to live a life of mediocrity – especially given the alternative is a life of joy.
Consider what might unfold if you were to stop saying it is what it is and start acknowledging that it could be something greater.
Imagine what your future might look like if you were to say so long to so-so and hello to the possibility of something greater.
Can you see it? Awesome. Now you have two options. Sweep it under your living room rug and pretend you didn’t see it OR start taking steps to make your vision your reality. Which do you choose?
If you aspire to better than so-so but can’t quite picture what better looks like, contact me to book your free discovery call. We’ll talk about steps you can take to get really clear about what you want so that you can get yourself on the path to true fulfilment.
Viv Singer is a life coach with a passion for helping women navigate relationships while remaining in true alignment with their most authentic selves. In addition to her 10-week coaching program, she offers a Visibility Assessment to help women understand why they’re feeling invisible in their relationship and discover actions they can take to become more visible – because we all deserve to be seen. You can connect with Viv at vivfortoday.com, or by following her on Instagram and/or Facebook.
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