Where did my Libido go? Straight Talk for Women - Ageing, Sex, and Libido

Where did my Libido go? Straight Talk for Women - Ageing, Sex, and Libido

Sexual health and well being is our basic human right and we need safe and trusting platforms to express ourselves and to receive accurate information. As a sexual wellness coach and sexual health educator, one of the most common concerns of my clients is lack of libido.

Sexual health is an integral component of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health and its intricacies are unique to each person. Since sexual health is entwined with these four aspects of our being, changes to our sexual health are rarely the result of one factor but rather the collective combination of factors that either move us towards or away from sex.

Seeking support of a trained professional is beneficial for sexual healing, to resolve your sexual or relationship roadblocks, and achieve your own sexual self-realization.

Arousal first, desire second.

As we age and our hormones change, our desire becomes much more responsive than spontaneous. In general terms this means that the conditions and environment need to be such that we can feel aroused. This could equate to fewer or no distractions, more organized surroundings, more time, feeling rested, greater intimate connection through play and touch and a whole range of factors unique to you. These individual factors need to be identified in order make lasting changes that are beneficial. By knowing the optimal circumstances and environments to activate arousal, we in turn, cultivate desire.  This requires note only the intention but the continual openness to curiosity and the commitment to practice.

If we don’t use it, we lose it.

Our biggest sex organ is our brain so get sex on the brain! Read erotica, watch ethical porn, talk about sex with your trusted friends, hire a sex coach or therapist, find sex positive role models, listen to sexy podcasts, create a desire list, and explore the ways you like to be touched and give touch sexually and non sexually. There is no shame in being sexually proactive.

Give yourself permission for pleasure.

Explore your body - EVERY FABULOUS PART OF IT

Create a self care, self pleasure practice. Use lots of lube and find yourself a great vibrator if you have not already done so. Use a mirror and get up close and intimate with your genitals. Not only can this be humbling but it can also be incredibly empowering. Most of us had very little sex education growing up and as a result we may not be familiar with our body parts that are not easily visible.

Schedule sex - this can be sexy, trust me. If you don’t place intention around sex it will likely not happen.

Communicate with your partner and remove expectations around “the finish line” and focus on nourishing pleasure and cultivating desire. Slow things down. Spend more time with massage, foreplay and play in general and agree to including penetrative sex as one of the many ways of enjoying sex, rather than the primary focus.

Add some spice to that vanilla

Loss of desire can also be due to boredom, so it is important that this is acknowledged, and changes are made - new positions, new places, fantasy play, the addition of sexy toys and clothing – the skies the limit!

Address other factors that may be contributing to loss of libido such as stress, sleep disturbances, diet, and exercise.

Aging and a reduction of estrogen causes the vagina to atrophy and the tissues of the genitals to thin. Increasing blood flow to the region through exercise, sexual activity and use of oral and topic products will help to enhance stimulation and prolong the health of the tissues.

If pain and/or loss of pelvic floor tone is an issue, seek out the services of a pelvic floor physio therapist.

Plant Based Options

Ashwagandha: Also known as Withania somnifera, is one of the most powerful herbs in Ayurvedic medicine. This ancient ingredient is used as an 'adaptogen' and has unique anxiolytic stress-relieving qualities. Often called 'Indian ginseng', it's rejuvenating properties provide a plethora of health benefits for both body and brain.

Early research shows that taking ashwagandha extract daily for 8 weeks along with receiving support from a sexual health professional increases interest in sex and sexual satisfaction in adult women better than counseling and coaching alone.

CBD oil and CBD-rich cannabis oil may combat some of the most problematic symptoms associated with menopause, including sleep disturbances, mood changes, and aches. Anecdotal evidence and animal model studies suggest that combined cannabinoids, rather than the more readily available CBD isolate, may be better at alleviating some of the more severe symptoms associated with menopause. When high-quality CBD oil is combined with positive lifestyle changes, there may be a greater synergistic effect, though further research is necessary.

Topical cannabis oils, lubes and suppositories have been very helpful to many women. They help to increase blood flow and support prolonged orgasm.

Check out:


Other natural plant-based products such as horny goat weed and essential oils such as Ylang Ylang are aphrodisiacs and help to increase blood flow.

Life is better with lube

It takes the vagina a minimum of 20 minutes to “sweat”. If there is penetration before this time and not adequate lubrication, we can get micro tears in our vaginal wall which can cause sex to be very painful! Lube not only makes sex more enjoyable, but natural, water based, plant-based lubes specifically designed for women can help to slow the aging of the vulval and vaginal tissues.

Try Sutil Rich lube by Hathor:


Hormone Replacement Therapy as well as low dose Testosterone has been known to help some women. Schedule an appointment with you doctor to find out about what is best for your body.

No one needs to go through this alone. You can get your sexy back and to stay around for the long term! ❤️

I am here to help. Feel free to book a complimentary, confidential discovery call:


Always in support of your sexual health,


Corinne Underwood is the founder of Choices for Sexual Health. She is a Certified Therapeutic Sexual Wellness Coach, Sexual Health Educator and CBD Advisor. She works with clients to repair and strengthen the relationship with themselves and others by supporting them to heal trauma, love themselves shamelessly, embody pleasure, deepen intimacy, and utilize sexual energy to live fulfilling lives. www.choicesforsexualhealth.com www.blissforia.ca

Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.