“Identity is this incredible invisible force that controls your whole life. It’s invisible like gravity is invisible, but it controls your whole life.”
- Tony Robbins
Have you ever done something or said something and then had to ask yourself "Why did I just do/say that? Where did that come from and what was I thinking?"
Or maybe you have struggled with something for a long time and you've asked yourself "Why is this something I still struggle with? Why can't I just get over it, or past it, or around it?"
I know I have - and it can be so frustrating!
To feel like you are in a situation that you have no control over, where you spoke or acted before you could think it through and at the end are just left wondering what the heck happened!
We so often don't realize that we are being controlled by our identity - by how we have chosen to see ourselves.
So what is this all-powerful identity that controls us?
Part of our identity are the facts of our life:
"I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a lawyer, an entrepreneur" etc.
But our identity also runs much deeper than that.
It runs into words like worthy and deserve and good and bad.
So one part of our identity might be "I am a mother" but a deeper level of our identity is "I am a good mother."
Things like 'mother,' 'daughter,' 'sister,' 'wife' 'entrepreneur', 'employee', are all parts of our identity that come and go.
For example: Although I am a wife and mother now, there was a time when I wasn't.
But what tends to stick around and cause us some grief is the deeper identities of 'good,' 'bad,' 'capable, 'unworthy,' etc.
And here's what happens:
If we have decided to see ourselves as not good enough, we will act not good enough.
If we have decided to see ourselves as bad, we will constantly be defending ourselves. If we have decided to see ourselves as incapable, we will constantly view ourselves as coming up short.
This part of our identity is a self-fulfilling prophecy that unless we acknowledge and uproot it we can not get past.
We may say we feel like we are capable, and we may read all the self-help possible, and we may talk a good game - but if in the back of our minds (subconsciously) we have attached ourselves to a negative deeper identity then that deeper negative identity is in control.
So how do you know if you have attached yourself to a deeper negative identity?
So how do we change things? How do we give ourselves a new deeper identity?
Well, one of the quickest ways is to give yourself new evidence of who you are and what you contribute to the world.
New evidence can always be found in a new perspective!
Our old identities are built on a certain way of looking at the world, and that way of looking at the world dismisses anything that doesn't agree with that specific world view.
So if your deeper identity is that you are 'unworthy' no matter how well you do something, or how much you succeed you will only allow into your consciousness the evidence that confirms your 'unworthiness.'
In order to change our identity, we must let in other evidence. Evidence of our goodness, of our worthiness, of our capabilities.
We must ask ourselves these questions:
By asking these questions we can find new evidence for who we are - which in turn affects our deeper identity - finally giving us what we actually need in order to make the changes we want to make, show up the way we want to show up, and simply just feel good about ourselves!
XOXO
Meg
Meg is a life coach, blogger and event host that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 20 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie.
To learn more about Meg and her business, visit her website realexcellentliving.com
Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the brand-new year smell is in the air, can you sense it? The excitement, the shiny new hopes, resolutions and goals, and magical guiding focus words for the year... We’re so excited by the possibilities of manifesting something previously unreachable, that it’s making us giddy!
Is the new year really the best time to make such declarations? Hardly! Who knows, maybe it’s a part of the reason why the majority of new year resolutions and goals never come to fruition?
The new year is a man-made, artificial concept, which does not fit with the Universe’s cycles at all! There are plenty of better occasions to make new plans and set new goals, such as:
All of these natural occurrences will support you in making new goals and planting seeds for manifestation by adding a strong push of energy behind your intention, so you can create powerfully!
What happens if you fall off the wagon or if your path becomes convoluted due to circumstances beyond your control? When is the best time to get back on? Is it on Monday? On the next Full Moon? When the snow melts? Noooooooooo!
My friend, please understand (and I mean FEEL IT in your gut and in your bones, feel it until it hurts and imprints deeply on your psyche) that tomorrow is not promised to any of us! Your next breath might not come. None of us are entitled to “next week”.
Please understand that your every breath is a gift, the Universe breathes you full of exquisite lifeforce, which gets distributed to every single cell of your body. It’s a miracle!
In our illusion of “being in control” we think that we TAKE a breath, but in reality the breath enters our body passively! The exhalation requires work (the diaphragm muscle contracts, pushing the air out). When your diaphragm relaxes, the air rushes in into your body passively, due to the pressure gradient between the outside and the inside of your body.
Therefore, you receive the gift of breath, so accept it with grace and appreciation. Treasure it and use it with the deepest reverence. Treat it as the most sacred gift, because that’s what it is!
Coming back to my earlier question, when is the best time to pick up your goals, resolutions, intentions, if you still find them meaningful? Know this: your EVERY BREATH is a new opportunity! Your every inhale is a new beginning! Use that brand new opportunity every time, and never give up! Keep doing it until you succeed, because I know you will!
If you feel you need something different to gently jostle you out of your element and back towards your greatness with more vigour and energy, I want to offer you my 2021 Mind & Body Reset Bundle. It consists of 2 simple, tasty and powerful recipes, and 3 short Kundalini Yoga practices designed to keep you energised, balanced, and healthy.
Enjoy, and Happy New Breath!
With love and gratitude,
SevaRam Spronk
SevaRam serves Happy Healthy Women as the Kitchener branch director. She is a level 2 KRI-certified Kundalini Yoga teacher (RYT-500), and she shares the life-saving tools of this technology with her community through on-line classes and workshops. In her life-coaching business she helps entrepreneurial women to destroy their self-perceived limitations to reach the next level of success.
www.SRKKundaliniYoga.org
"Gratitude turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." - Melody Beattie
Nothing can change things as fast as gratitude can. We can be spinning in circles, feeling overwhelmed and out of control, thoughts bouncing from thing to thing faster than we can keep up with, and then, in walks gratitude!
All of a sudden you are opened, vast and expanded, you relax into a place of peace and contentment and best of all you are delivered to your highest self.
Gratitude is so powerful!
In fact, let's try it right now: bring into your mind someone or something that you feel grateful for. Maybe it is for your loved ones, your kiddos, or your life partner. Maybe it's the home you live in or the work that you do. Maybe you have recovered from an illness, or someone has really been there for you, or you've had an opportunity open up.
Whatever it is for you, hold it in the center of your awareness and acknowledge the gift it has been in your life. Place your hand on your chest and become aware of your heart and feel for a moment what you are experiencing when you feel grateful. Notice the openness that you feel, notice the expansive feeling, how you begin to relax, and begin to feel a sense of peace.
And notice what is most important about gratitude - that it is not the thoughts that you have, but instead it is a feeling, an explosion of sensations in your body and spirit. It is a state of consciousness, a way of showing up in the world.
So often we think of gratitude as an attitude to live by - that it's about thoughts and beliefs.
We think of gratitude as being positive, seeing the good in things, and using language that reflects that.
But gratitude is not an attitude - gratitude is a state of consciousness. It is a way of being in the world that comes from a soul level. After all, we don't experience gratitude in our heads (how often have you said "I know I should be grateful for this") we experience gratitude in our hearts.
All we have to do is bring to mind the face of a loved one and our hearts begin to sing, our bodies begin to vibrate with love, in fact sometimes when we add words our gratitude goes away (lol) as we being to think about something they said or did that didn't match the blueprint of what we wanted!
When we move from gratitude being about positivity and about our thoughts to an actual expanded consciousness that we live with we find something amazing happens: we find the quote from above actually becomes true in our lives.
We find that we move from conditional gratitude to gratitude beyond conditions!
For so many of us, we only allow ourselves to feel gratitude when things are going the way we want them to go, when people are treating us in a way that meets our needs and when our circumstances match what we want them to be. It's so easy to feel gratitude then!
But when we move from an attitude of gratitude to a gratitude consciousness we no longer need our life circumstances to match our needs to feel gratitude.
After all, sometimes the things that don't feel good are extremely good for us - and sometimes the things that feel good are not that good for us!
We are often so terrified of feeling discomfort, or unpleasantness, that the minute these feelings come up we have to do everything possible to get rid of the feeling! We have the unhelpful habit of measuring our success by if we feel good or not!
But when we instead pause with the feeling of uncomfortability we find out that these feelings are often doorways to awareness, enlightenment, and healing! What feels good and what feels bad is not always the best way to measure success! When we slip into black and white thinking or either/or thinking we believe that if we are uncomfortable then life is terrible, and if things are great then we allow ourselves to be happy.
But when we take on gratitude as a level of consciousness, as an expanded world view we can be uncomfortable and be dealing with hard emotions and still be grateful - you can acknowledge that you are unhappy and still allow your consciousness to notice and feel gratitude for the life you are experiencing!
So spend some time today in gratitude for everything - make a list that includes the beautiful things in your life and the not so beautiful! Hold each thing in your heart and allow yourself to feel grateful for it without slipping into thoughts or beliefs! At first, this may seem so difficult (trust me it was for me!) but with time and practice you will find yourself observing all the areas of your life without judgment or rational and you will find yourself being grateful for things that you thought you could never feel grateful for!
Today I am practicing the gratitude consciousness with you - today I have things on my plate that make me uncomfortable, that I dread, that cause me pain. But each time they come to mind I say to myself "I am so grateful that I get to experience life, and this is part of my life."
When my mind wants to slip into old thinking I repeat again "I am so grateful that I get to experience life, and this is part of my life." I hold each situation in my heart without judgment, I allow myself to feel whatever feelings come up and I say again "I am so grateful that I get to experience life, and this is part of my life."
And I am always surprised and delighted at how the tension in my body begins to fade, and how I can stay with the uncomfortability all enough to see it as a step on the path of lessons the universe has prepared for me.
May it be the same with you!
XO Meg
Meg is a life coach, blogger and event host that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 20 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie.
To learn more about Meg and her business, visit her website:
There are so many of us that use food for more than just nourishment, or enjoyment, or as a way to connect with our community...there are so many of us that use food in a desperate way to fill some deep emotional hole that we have.
We use food to somehow make us happy, or calm, or just plain "feel better," whatever that means to us!
For the most part, we call this EMOTIONAL EATING (Check out the blog I wrote about emotional eating here https://www.realexcellentliving.com/post/emotional-eating-been-there-donethat)
But for some of us, the eating has reached a tipping point and it's more than just emotional eating, for some of us it's become something darker and seemingly harder to overcome.
Some of us have tipped over into Binge Eating.
So what is Binge Eating?
Binge eating is an aggravated form of emotional eating. Over time, an emotional eater moves from just eating in response to emotions to MASSIVELY overeating in response to emotions once you are no longer able to get the good feeling from food that you are used to. Often you tip from emotional eating to binge eating when you have a major life trauma or upset that you can't cope with or process.
So how do you know if you have tipped over from emotional eating to binge eating?
Well, if you are a binge eater you :
So maybe you've tried everything to gain some control over your eating and maybe you have always thought you were an emotional eater...but now you recognize yourself in the description above!
Maybe why all the advice you have heard and tried has never worked makes sense now!
Maybe you have done so much work on yourself, have walked the path of self-discovery and growth, have dived into self-care, and self-image and self-esteem work, but for some reason have not been able to let go of what you thought was emotional eating.
Binge eating might have a lot in common with emotional eating, but it requires a different strategy and mindset when trying to heal from it!
The first thing I had to realize as I went deeper into my relationship with food, was that binge eating was not something I was doing wrong, it was not a weakness or a lack of self-control, it was my brain actually doing what it was supposed to be doing!
I had to realize that it wasn't that I wasn't working properly, but rather that I was working properly!
See when we are emotional eaters we are using a different part of our brain then if we are binge eaters, when we are emotional eaters we are using our limbic brain that is responsible for our emotions, but when we are binge eating it is something much more primal, we are actually being controlled by our reptilian brain, where our amygdala is stored, which is where our fight, flight or freeze response comes from. The questions that our reptilian brain asks are "Can I mate with it? Is it safe? Can I eat it?"
If you are a binge eater it feels like you have no control, it feels like something else is taking over when you eat and that is because something is...you are being controlled by our most basic survival instincts. This is your mind trying to take care of you - not trying to harm you!
But so often we are trying to solve our binging by using our limbic or prefrontal cortex which we actually don’t have access to when our reptilian brain is in control.
Hence the reason that when we come to after binge eating it seems like we were someone or somewhere else, and why we promise ourselves it will never happen again (that's our prefrontal talking) but it always does.
For so many years, I was trying to fix my binging with my logic, reasoning, higher thinking, etc that my prefrontal cortex offers (focusing on self-love, etc), never realizing why I wasn’t making a dent. All that personal growth didn't help when I was faced with the temptation of food, or when the end of the day came. My brain was too busy trying to protect me!
So how do you deal with the reptilian brain?
Your work is to address the fear and create a space where you feel safe. When you create a space where you feel safe and you address that fear you can again access your higher mind. Without creating the feeling of safety, which is what the reptilian brain is trying to create with its overeating, you can not get past the instinct and begin to function from a higher level of thinking
Almost all advice on how to deal with emotional eating makes the assumption that you have access to your limbic or prefrontal cortex -which you don't have when you are in reptilian brain mode- which is why all that advice hasn't worked. All information that we receive first flows through our reptilian brain and then moves to the limbic and the prefrontal cortex.
So how do you create a feeling of safety for your brain so that the information can naturally flow into a part of your brain that allows you again to access things like reason, logic, self-love, disciple, etc?
Here are 6 things that worked for me:
So instead of consuming more food then my body could possibly ever need, I found myself learning how to make myself feel safe, accepting myself for who I was, and learning how to grow in areas that were long overdue!
Cheering you on as you journey,
XO Meg
Meg is a life coach, blogger and event host that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 20 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie.
To learn more about Meg and her business, visit her website:
When sh** hits the fan, your go to is either to blame whatever’s happening at work or complain about your partner… which is just being human.
But why does this happen? Simple, the paradigm many of us are using is one where we see ourselves as something supported by our work and home… instead of life a cookie! Where our self is the cookie, with home, work and more as the chocolate chips!
Okay, backing up a bit – the problem paradigm.
When we use a diagram where everything is separated out, we create boxes in our lives, separating out parts of ourselves. You know this, because every time you say “Well, part of me feels like doing x, and part of me wants to do y…” we’re quite literally talking about different aspects of us. Even if we use a Venn diagram structure, there are still times when we try to be just one thing… just a worker be, just a wife / mother / daughter… and only a few times when we show up as all of who we are.
Instead, integrate all of the boxes to create your life cookie! In this model, you are the cookie dough - ever-present, encircling all of the bits that make you unique and delicious! Add as many ingredients you want, to make the perfect You Cookie – chocolate / raisins / nuts / etc.
As you move through life, yourself has access to all of the skills you have ever learned, able to draw on what you need moment to moment, easily and effortlessly.
The choice is your, keep up the strain of a life od boxes, or become a chocolate chip cookie and have access to all of your loves/skills/amazing all the time!
Want to make the switch seamlessly? Curious about how to do actually integrate your parts? Reach out!
From inner bondage to becoming a trailblazer in your own life, Shannon guides you through a compassionate process to become the Queen of Your World. Release the bonds holding your back and use the energy to accelerate you forward along the path you crave.
Contact Shannon now to connect with a tribe of empowered women, ruling their Queen-dom’s with grace and heart.
Shannon is also honoured to be the Branch Director for HHW Central Toronto, Ontario – join us Thursday mornings for Authentically Connecting – as all of who you are!
Oh, the ever elusive happiness.
Is it just a fleeting emotion? Is it something that we can reach and actually sustain?
Researchers have been studying happiness and wellbeing for a few decades now. And they have discovered some pretty fascinating things.
And although some of it has caught on in the mainstream media, (gratitude, yes, start a gratitude practice, gratitude boosts our well being and level of happiness) a lot of it hasn’t yet.
And a lot of what hasn’t really caught on yet is actually pretty transformative.
Here is an interesting fact that can shift your perspective a little bit and nudge you in a good direction, if you’re wondering why it’s so hard to just be happy.
Today’s Happiness Fact:
We’re not wired to be happy. We’re wired for survival
What does that mean? Well, it means that the “bad” is stronger and more attention-getting than the good. This is called the negativity bias. And we all have it.
You know how you can do a presentation or a project and you can receive a whole bunch of compliments and they feel, well, pretty good. But then you get that one little criticism and …OUCH!! Exactly. The bad is more attention-getting than the good. You feel the “bad” with a lot more intensity than you feel the “good.” Or you know how having something stuck in your teeth, or a tiny pebble in your shoe can practically ruin an otherwise perfectly good day?
Our minds are wired to notice and pay attention to what’s wrong around us. We evolved this way because it helped us to survive. Our ancient ancestors that noticed and tended to the potential dangers in our surroundings (what was wrong or what might be wrong) instead of just noticing what was good, were more likely to survive the tigers, the poison berries, and whatever else posed a risk in their environments.
But what does that mean for us now? Getting some negative feedback isn’t likely to affect our survival, but it definitely can affect our mood. And focusing our attention on every little thing that is wrong in our lives can leave us feeling pretty down. No wonder it’s so hard to feel happy, even when things are going well!
So what can we do about it?
A powerful thing we can do is to amp up the positive. This fits in with one of the other amazing things that scientists have learned about our brains pretty recently. Our brains are constantly changing. And we can wire and rewire our brains with our thoughts and behaviours. This is called neuroplasticity.
So focusing on what’s good around us, deliberately, and creating a habit out of it, actually changes our brain to see more of what’s good. You see, what we practice we get better at. And that includes where we put our attention. That’s a big reason why gratitude is so important and valuable for boosting our happiness and wellbeing. It counters the negativity bias and changes our brain to see more of what’s good.
What else? Savouring and mindfulness are also powerful tools you can use and actions you can take. And there are also strategies to challenge your negative thoughts head on. Learn about them on my future posts, or sign up to one of my online Flourishing Skills Groups where we do a deep dive into all of this cool stuff. And we do it while building a heart-centred community and connection, which is another key component of wellbeing and happiness.
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Lina Maria is a certified life coach and well-being educator with a background in Positive Psychology. Her drive has always been to find the most effective way to bring meaningful, positive social change to societies and the world. She combines her knowledge of the science of optimal human functioning and wellbeing with her experience in education and coaching to bring powerful and effective change to people’s lives through coaching, Flourishing Skills Groups, and workshops.
Through personal coaching, Lina Maria provides a safe and supportive space combined with powerful solution-focused questioning and reflection to support you to find clarity and direction for moving forward in the direction you want to go in your life. Schedule a free life goals assessment and coaching session. And stay up to date on my events and other cool wellbeing science-related stuff by Following me on Facebook.
Join my Facebook group
It’s easier than you think.
"What should I do with my life?"
Isn't this the most important question you might ask yourself?
Creating a life you love is a beautiful thing, and figuring out what makes you happy personally and professionally is a way to start chipping away at this ultimate life question.
Many of my clients fall into careers after college or university or succumb to parental influences or societal norms about good jobs out there. They haven’t invested in themselves to make the best choices – much less created a vision for how they want their lives to be.
Then, these clients get to a stage in life where they are bored, unfulfilled, stuck, and at loose ends. Sometimes this happens after a significant life change, like losing a job, having a child, going through a divorce, or kids leaving the nest. They know there is something out there they’d like to do – something more purposeful and joyful, but they have no idea how to uncover it.
I get it because I was once there, too. And, here’s what I learned: life is too short not to do what you love.
The good news is that figuring out how to spend your time meaningfully doesn’t have to include anything drastic like quitting your job tomorrow or spending a month in a monastery (although these could be exhilarating and soul-stirring approaches).
You could start with journaling or speaking with a trusted advisor, coach, or friend to get more insights. Quite often, you overlook thenatural talents that others see more clearly.
For help identifying possibilities, I use several tools with clients, including career assessments and personality instruments. These draw out our passions, occupational interests, information about how you like to learn, what work environment may bring out your best, and your innate preferences and ways of working. They don’t tell you precisely what you should do with your career and life; they give you something much more empowering: greater clarity and valuable options.
If you’ve tried other tactics to figure out what to do with your life without success, now might be the time to open yourself up to the possibilities that a world renown assessment and a professionally facilitated self-discovery process can bring.
Find out:
What if you could get up every morning with gratitude and excitement about what the day would bring?
When you love what you do, you feel energized and fulfilled, and ready to give your best. This is the ultimate in experiencing joy.
And the fantastic thing is, you can find that perfect job and enrich your life in ways you never thought possible once you figure out what you should do with your life.
Lisa Petsinis is an ICF certified life and career coach who works with resourceful women who want to rediscover their brilliance and create alife they love. She is a former Certified HR Leader who has worked withprofessionals for decades to chart their career development, and now she uses her coaching skills with clients more holistically -- as well as certifications in the Strong Interest Inventory® and MBTI® -- to explore new visions for their lives. Visit her website to learn about her coaching programs, including “What To Do With My Life,” and upcoming events.You can also contact Lisa for a discovery call or sign up for her newsletter for even more advice and inspiration.
Big presentation tomorrow. Networking event later today. Your boss calls you into their office. Cue the beginnings of stress - the nervous butterflies in your stomach, followed by worry and then doubt about your abilities. As this feeling washes over your entire body, you mind goes blank, what are you going to say? You look around and there's no way out! What do you do?!?
Phew, take a breath. In and Out.
The problem comes when adrenaline fires without a Saber Tooth Tiger present, when our old brain triggers the fight or flight response simple because something is new… which happens all the time.
Good news! You use this normal, neutral, natural fuel to move you forward! Instead of shutting down, learn the science of stress and how to flow with adrenaline, using it to move you and your team forward. In a matter of seconds, just 2 breaths!, run through these 2 secrets to calm your mind, block out the crazy energy and find your words, painting a different picture of your situation.
A – Grounding
B – Bubbling aka Shields Up!
So, the next time the nervous butterflies in your stomach begin, quickly spreading to the rest of your body and your hands begin to shake… Despite the roaring in your ears, both blocking out and amplifying the sounds around you… Instead of looking for a way out, wishing it would all just stop…
Ground & Bubble!
And Ace that Presentation. Stay calm and collected during conflict between team members. Speak up with confidence.
Join her on Facebook for more tips, tricks and magic wand moments to get to your more.
Shannon is also honoured to be the Branch Director for HHW Central Toronto, Ontario (where she runs the Secrets of Stress Success event 😊 )
Getting real about ‘balance’
Finding/Reaching/Attaining balance. What an out of date concept.
Nothing is ever balanced... okay, except maybe a set of scale in a clean room devoid of any outside influences.
So, let's get real. And take a timeout from the quest for balance.
Instead of striving for some impossible pipe dream of 'balance' let's switch up the conversation to something more attainable, more real.
Wholeness.
How can you fill your mind, body and spirit to live a Whole Life?
What does that even mean?
It means you look inside to identify the missing pieces and then you go our and fill them!
The beauty of a Wholeness focus? You can get to full! And then its your choice whether to be satisfied OR stretch more, expand your cup and fill even more.* This is how you get to the More that's Waiting For You. You fill towholeness and then expand and grow even more!
Forget 'balance' and switch your focus to Wholeness.
*Note: Open space is the most important element to include when filling your cup... this is what makes it possible to move between the different areas, to have choice and to set a foundation to grow from.
Okay – now how do you do this. Simple, #1 ask yourself these questions – or get a friend to ask you, as its so much simpler to be real with yourself when someone else asks you. (And I said real with yourself… you can keep your answers to yourself…)
Step #2 – Book in the time. Carve the space for them out of your schedule. Fill your ________________ (insert feeling from b) muscles so you have the juice to do all of the other things in your calendar.
A change is as good as a rest… until you’re burnt out. So, switch it up, add some you time, and rock it!
Join her on Facebook for more tips, tricks and magic wand moments to get to your more.
Shannon is also honoured to be the Branch Director for HHW Central Toronto, Ontario.
Do you have a hard time saying no?
Happy, successful people establish healthy boundaries and learn to say no to what doesn’t serve them.
Here are 4 ways to start saying “yes” to yourself and saying “no” to others:
Most successful people say “no” to practically everything, except what really matters. You probably have no idea just how many times a day you agree to something. It’s time to take notice!
For the next few days, make a list of all the things and people you’ve said “yes” to, then think about how you might have responded differently. Would you still say “yes” today? You can do this activity retrospectively, also, and reflect on the past week.
When you create a focus in your life, saying “yes” or “no” becomes effortless. And, setting priorities starts with quiet reflection and solid planning. Give yourself the time and space to dream big, then write out your bold goals for the month. Narrow these down to the week and the day and create a habit of getting clear as you start each day. You’ll have that mental reminder of what’s important to you and what you’ve committed to yourself to get done.
People who overcommit don’t do it because they want to disappoint others or become stressed out; they do it because they crave approval and fear disappointment. They think they can do it all (newsflash: they can’t, and neither can you).
Instead, when you’re asked to do something, don’t feel pressured to answer right away. Pause. Go back to your list of priorities and your calendar and see what’s reasonable. If your goals are always top of mind, you’ll have no trouble making decisions that are in alignment.
4. Perfecting saying “no” is like doing chin-ups; it takes practice and consistency. At first, it feels awkward, and it hurts a little, but then you realize how exhilarating it can be.
Try saying “no” loud and proud in front of a mirror. Then say it, and let it go. You don’t have to overthink it, worry about anyone’s reaction, or of feel guilty. Use my examples of ways to say “no” without even mentioning the word.
What are you waiting for before you’ll do it? Commit to your yeses and feel good about your noes as well.
Lisa Petsinis is a certified life coach who works with resourceful women who want to put themselves first and create a life they love – without chaos or guilt. Visit her website to learn about her coaching programs, contact her for a discovery call, or grab her free guide“5 Simple Ways To Start Turning Your Life Around Today.”
As I sit here, racking my brain for an engaging topic, thoughts of “Clean Eating 101,” “Juggling Life,” “Finding Balance in Life” or “Priority Management” all spring to mind. Then, I realize that one of the biggest obstacles I put in my own way - something that makes all these ideas more challenging on a daily basis - is … procrastinating. I mean, seriously, think about it. Do you hit the snooze button in the morning? Do you ever leave that heaping basket of clean, dry towels until tomorrow to fold? Do you put off meal prepping on the weekend and struggle to put together a healthy lunch during the week? Do you scan Instagram for hours at a time when you have other things you could be doing?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I admit it too … I procrastinate!
So, then, I’m thinking, WHY? Why do I procrastinate? Why do I put things off until later when it is probably much simpler and more efficient to do them now?
Well, what about feeling tired? Nah. I’m sure none of us is so fatigued, out of energy and just plain exhausted by the end of a full day or week that one last thing - like folding laundry - seems like the largest, most insurmountable task that anyone could think of at that given moment, are we? Well, … yes! Yes we are! We’re only human right? There is a limit! So, feeling tired. That’s one of the reasons I procrastinate.
Time. Does it ever feel like there’s just not enough time to fit everything into one day? Does it feel like you just cannot do - or even begin to do - that one job or assignment or report. It’s overwhelming and, well, let’s face it, why start something now when there’s no way you can finish it today?
Sometimes, I just, simply, don’t feel like it. Wouldn’t you rather watch that next episode of Grey’s Anatomy. You know the one where Station 19 overlaps and both casts are in the one episode? Love that episode. Actually, there are 2 in a row if I remember correctly. Can’t miss that! I have to watch it … NOW! It’s funny that,“Most of us seem to tacitly believe that our emotional state has to match the task at hand. …But that’s just not true. I have to recognize that I’m rarely going to feel like it, and it doesn’t matter if I don’t feel like it.” (Washington Post, April 27, 2016). Reality check! That is so true! I even tell my own children as well as my students that, sometimes, we have to do things even if we don’t feel like doing them right at that moment.
There are books and studies and so many articles written on this exact topic. Also, “The process of overcoming procrastination can (only) begin once you’re able to admit that. when you avoid taking action, you’re really avoiding pain. … Without realizing it, most of us instinctively retreat to a comfort zone and try our best never to leave it.” That pain may simply be that you’d much rather enjoy scrolling through Facebook than emptying the boring, old dishwasher but, think of the other side. How will you feel in the morning when you can grab a big, clean mug out of the cupboard for your morning coffee, instead of having to see that dishwasher full of clean dishes just waiting to be emptied? It would’ve been worth doing it the night before – guaranteed! So, how do I practise what I preach, as they say? Where do we start?
2.THEN, ASK YOURSELF: WHY DO I PROCRASTINATE? Once I realized that I was avoiding tasks because they were unpleasant or boring, or I just plain didn’t feel like doing them, I could start planning to overcome this lifelong habit of putting things off. Sure, being tired, feeling like I just don’t have enough time, those are all real feelings, but think of the end game. How will this change your lifeor even the next day of your life (start small😊)?
3. JUST DO IT! Even if you do feel tired and unmotivated, just do that small task like folding the laundry. Make those lunches the night before. Start that report. You’ve got this! I’ve been trying this for the past month and guess what? I feel amazing! Instead of leaving all these little tasks until tomorrow, I’m doing them right away or, at least, as soon as possible. I’m feeling calmer, more confident, more in control of my life. Who knew that making my bed every morning, folding towels as they come out of the dryer and consistently making my lunch the night before could make such a positive difference in life?! Focusing on the end result has been life-changing! Now, each “next day” is going more smoothly because I did those things yesterday. I know,it’s early days, and this will take time until itbecomes a regular habit but, so far, so good.
4. CHUNKING: Often, we procrastinate because we’re unsure of where to start, so we don’t start at all. Does that sound familiar? Try this:Look at the task, determine what the first step would be (even if it’s Youtubing a video on how to do it!:)) and begin with that first piece. You know Newton’s Laws of Motion? The Law of Inertia – an object at rest will stay at rest – or on the couch😊 – and an object in motion will stay in motion - unless acted on by an outside force – blah, blah, blah. Let’s focus on the staying in motion part. Push yourself to start and get into motion. Easier said than done, for sure, but get into motion. That is key, and the biggest hurdle I’m working to overcome.
It all sounds easy, right? Well, maybe not, but it is doable. So, where to start? Start at Step 1 and go from there.
Honestly, once I recognized that I have a tendency toprocrastinate and that I often feel overwhelmed by the one million things I have to do in a day, my life started to become less stressful and things are now getting done! On that note, I’m off to begin report cards which, by the way, aren’t due for another 3 weeks. The schedule is set to do a little each day with a day of editing at the end. Woohooo! We’ve got this!
To learn more about Liz visit: https://www.lizryan.arbonne.com
We are only here for an INSTANT in eternity -
do you want to spend that time BURNT-OUT?
More and more I'm seeing burnout everywhere. People are overwhelmed and overworked and they don't know what to do about it.
As an entrepreneur, it's easy for me to always believe that there is
ONE MORE THING to do,
ONE MORE EMAIL to write,
ONE MORE client to call,
ONE MORE task that might be the game changer.
WHEN IS IT ENOUGH?
If you're looking to beat burnout - below are my top 3 tips that have helped me navigate this tricky sucker!
1) FIND BALANCE with work and home (in a NEW WAY!)
Is your work full of extroverted experiences? Sales calls, presentations, phone conversations and meetings?
TAKE TIME TO BE QUIET.
When you finish work, read a book, take a bath, spend time doing a quiet activity like going for a walk or flipping through a magazine.
On the other hand if your work is quiet and solo, you might schedule a dinner with friends, catch up on a phone call with a loved one or go to a community event.
We all need activity AND rest. If your work is one way, balance your time off with the other.
2) SAY NO TO SOMETHING
What's one thing you can say 'no' to this week?
Maybe it's taking on a commitment on your day off, or volunteering at your kid's school. Maybe it's saying 'no' to staying at work late, perpetuating the lie that BUSY = PRODUCTIVE.
Maybe you say NO to needing to complete that one last task before you walk out the door - you know - the one that makes you late to your next commitment?
Saying NO to something allows you to say YES to yourself.
3) TAKE TIME TO SLOW DOWN
Our minds build MOMENTUM.
When we're racing through our days it's no wonder that slowing down feels impossible! Teach yourself to slow down with a few minutes of mindfulness!
Set a timer for 1 minute, and simply focus on your breath OR download the free app Insight Timer and listen to one of my guided meditations.
Warning: THIS MIGHT BE DIFFICULT! Remember it takes TIME to slow down a Mack Truck and it will take time to slow down your mind.
Life is not just one big long to do list. It’s mean to be lived, breathed, loved and experienced. I believe a 'successful' life is one filled with WELLBEING, HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.
Trish Tutton is a speaker and mindfulness teacher. Trish helps professional women stress less using the tools of mindfulness through her keynotes, workplace trainings and one on one coaching. Click here to receive Trish’s free gift “One Minute of Calm at work”
