One of the hardest truths to accept is that we are more powerful than we could ever imagine!
Instead, we often seem to hold on to the idea that we are not capable, that we are somehow flawed in some important way, or that we must simply submit to whatever is expected of us!
Believing those things can often keep us in situations and circumstances that are safe and comfortable. But life is meant to be more than simply safe and comfortable!
Life is meant to be explored and enjoyed, life is meant to give us the opportunity to grow and stretch, it is meant to give us the opportunity to see what the human spirit is truly capable of!
But that can only be our reality when we step into our power - when we realize that we are the authors of our story and the creators of our own experiences!
So how do we begin the journey of writing our own story?
We begin to write our own stories when we validate our feelings, experiences, needs, fears, and desires.
All too often we walk through life dismissing ourselves.
We say we ‘shouldn't’ feel a certain way, or we ‘shouldn’t’ need this or that.
We deny our fears by say hiding them by being busy and distracted.
We second guess our experiences by casting doubt on what we saw or heard - opting instead to believe the version others tell, making them feel comfortable and supported.
All this leads to living a life that doesn’t feel like ‘ours.’
So today begin to be the author of your own story, begin to check in with yourself and acknowledge what you are feeling, experiencing, needing, fearing, and desiring, begin by validating that anything that comes up for you as important information that you need in order to create the life you want to have!
“Great Stories Happen to those who can tell them” - Ira Glas
Own the fact that your life is yours to create - and as you observe your life and begin to tell your stories realize that you have the power to tell the story in a way that empowers you, that creates opportunities for you, that challenges you to be and do your best!
Your story can be a great story!!
XOXO
Meg
Meg is a Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, blogger and Podcast Host (The Art Of Being H(YOU)man) that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 22 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie.
To learn more about Meg visit her website www.megheppner.com
Whether it’s taking on a project like starting a blog on a new platform or implementing a new way of eating for your health, getting started can feel overwhelming. You’ve likely heard it before: “getting started is the hardest part”. But why?
The way that we think about starting something new is very powerful. Our thoughts are what create our feelings, and because as humans we act based on emotion much of the time, those sentences running through our brains carry a lot of weight. If we allow our brains to run on autopilot, the thoughts that naturally arise may not be the ones that are best for helping us move in the direction we want to go. And so, we can end up with unintentional results.
We want to think thoughts that elicit a feeling in our body that will have us take action toward our goals. The feeling of overwhelm is not one of those productive feelings.
So what kind of thoughts are causing such overwhelm? Things like:
I don’t know where to start
There are so many things to consider
I want to make sure I get it right
I don’t know the steps involved
This is going to be so time-consuming
Should I bother
Is it worth it
I don’t have the (tools, resources, expertise) that I need
I’m not ready
Maybe this can wait
Let’s break these thoughts down into a few categories:
Confusion:
Thoughts like “I don’t know” leave us feeling confused and not sure how or where to start. Confusion can lead to things like over-researching, information overload, and analysis paralysis. What confusion doesn’t do: help us move forward with confidence.
Some great questions to ask yourself when you are feeling confused:
What if I did know?
What is my best guess?
What would I tell a good friend in this situation?
What would my coach or mentor say?
These questions can get your brain focused on possible solutions.
Perfectionism:
Thoughts like: “there’s no point in doing this if I don’t get it right” are sign you may be on the perfectionist train. Perfectionism has it’s benefits, such as, producing quality work and doing a great job for our clients. However, it can be paralyzing and prevent us from getting our value out into the world.
Everyone has to start somewhere, and when we start something new, there will always be room for improvement. Having the courage to put yourself out there and do something new is where it begins.
Some useful thoughts to use when you are feeling like a perfectionist:
Even my B grade work has the potential to change someone’s life
Imperfection is relatable and can work in my favour
Indecision:
We often don’t realize that when we fail to make a decision, we are in fact deciding to stay where we are. Questions like: “should i bother?”, “is it worth it?”, or “is this the right time?” can really hold us back. These thoughts provoke feelings of anxiety or even complacency, which are not useful in brining us closer to our desired outcomes. Indecision takes up mental space and sucks our energy. Give yourself a deadline, make the decision, and relief will follow.
If you find yourself in indecision, a useful thought is:
Any decision I make will give me clarity on what I truly want
Confusion, perfectionism and indecision lead to the thought “this is too much” which creates overwhelm. You may notice that you are fidgety, unfocused, or that your breathing has become shallow. These physical signs give us insight into what is going on in our brains and the types of thoughts we are thinking.
So, what can we do about it?
Starting is the hardest part, but, if we can get our brain working for us rather than against us, then we are off to the races!
Whitney Coupland is a Certified Health and Life Coach. In her coaching practice, Whitney works with those who want to improve their health while still enjoying their life. You can connect with Whitney by visiting her website WhitneyCoupland.com, booking a free consultation or finding her on Instagram @WhitneyCoupland_
A self-audit starts with the circle of life. The purpose is to establish where you are right now in every area of your life, what you value most, and where you want to be. When you understand and address an area that needs a major change, it means you have identified a desired outcome or goal in that area.
We often audit work performance or expenses, but how often do we audit our life?
A life audit is carried out by The Wheel of Life exercise. It is a very common and effective technique used by professionals to help get a “helicopter view” of life areas. The Wheel of Life is also an effective tool to change habits. It also helps to overcome problems of stress by addressing the imbalances in a person’s life.
The eight most common main areas of life are:-
Family and friends – the relationship you have and the quality and quantity of time you spend with members of your family and extended family.
Business and career – Anything related to your career, profession, business, education, and professional vision and purpose.
Health – A broad category that includes eating, fitness, pain and disease, injuries, and mental health; anything related to your body or mentality.
Finances – Anything related to your wealth, financial situation, money matters, and attitudes and beliefs about money.
Romance – The relationships you have or want to have with romantic partners.
Personal development/growth – It is about who you are, your relationship with yourself, where you see yourself in the future, and what you need to get there. It also involves your sense of guilt or fear or purpose.
Fun and recreation – Leisure activities you do to enjoy life.
Physical environment – How you perceive and experience your living, work, and other spaces that you spend time in.
All these life areas are highly interconnected. Problems in one area can spill over and affect others. For example, when having family issues, such as a struggling relationship with a spouse, it could affect one’s work, self-esteem, time, energy and relationships with their friends, with stress and health again going hand-in-hand.
Having this in mind, go over the different areas of your life listed above and determine where you are on a scale of 1 to 10. Your first number represents your current assessment of the time and attention spent on the particular area. The second number indicates the time and attention you ideally want to spend on the same life area in the future.
The difference in the numbers implies the gap that is a gauge of the priority for change in a specific area to ensure that underlying concerns and considerations are addressed and not symptoms.
Amritha is a Forensic Scientist-turned-certified Health and Habits Coach. She helps working professionals who don’t find the time for themselves or who have lost their momentum on things they want to pursue, to break bad habits and build healthy and sustainable ones to consistently achieve their goals.
Amritha is enthusiastic about sharing her wisdom as a trailblazer at South Surrey, BC
Join her free Facebook group here where she answers your questions and you learn and grow with like-minded people.
Connect and chat with Amritha on Facebook
Or write to amrithap2108@gmail.com
It's always amazing to me, how easy it is for me to self-sabotage!
How quickly I can see what is missing and point out what I am lacking!!
Unfortunately the same is true with the amount of love I believe is in my life - too often I focus on the love I think I am missing, feeling an emptiness that I assume can only be filled by the love and validation of others.
But we all know that we find the things that we are looking for - so, when we look for what is missing that is what we find.
Every time I spend my energy focusing on my perceived lack of love I build a wall that blocks out the love that is available to me!
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi
And every time I spend my energy making others responsible for making me experience the love I crave I place a burden on my loved ones that is too heavy for them to carry. (And when others place that responsibility on me it is a burden too heavy for me to carry as well!)
Things change for me when instead of looking for more evidence of missing out on love I began to break down the barriers I had built against receiving it. I am constantly surprised at how much love my life is full of when I change my focus and when I begin to accept that I am already loved beyond belief!
Breaking down barriers starts in a surprisingly easy way!
It all starts with changing the questions that we ask!
So often we get answers we don't like because we ask questions that take us in the wrong direction.
We tend to ask:
"Why don't I deserve love?" instead of "How can I show love for myself right now?" or "Where can I see love right now?"
When we ask the question 'why don't I deserve or have love in my life' our minds simply get busy finding the answer - and the answer not beneficial! We find answers like: "I don't have love in my life because no one cares about me, or I am unlovable, or because I (fill in the blank)"
But when we ask a question like 'Where can I see love right now' we notice the kindness of a stranger, or the smile that the cashier gave us, or the small act of service a loved one did for us!
Different questions give us different answers which then allows us to see and feel different things!
So as we enter February - the month of LOVE - here is an affirmation we can use to open our hearts to the love that's already there for us to accept:
To learn more about Meg visit her website www.megheppner.com
Societal messages, both overt and subliminal, make us believe that there’s some prize for being thin and beautiful and that we should strive to meet that ideal. Society drills this message into our heads, reinforced by the beauty, fitness, and diet industries.
To feel better in our bodies, we need to remove things from our lives that make us focus on our appearance and feel badly about ourselves—things like TV, beauty magazines, and social media feeds.
1)Get rid of your scale. Removing the scale from my home was one of the best and most liberating things I ever did! If this thought makes you feel too anxious, then try just taking a break from using it. I understand this can hurt, but think of it as if you were cleaning out a wound so it can heal properly.
2) Stop using the word “fat” to describe your feelings and start articulating your real feelings. For example, instead of saying, “I feel so fat,” you might say something like, “I feel so overwhelmed.” By acknowledging your real feelings, you’re in a better place to give yourself some compassion and realize that restricting, overeating or being “thin” are not answers.
3) Connect with your body through movement compassionately and enjoyably. When we continually push ourselves to go further, faster, and longer, it takes pleasure from physical activity and can leave us injured. Skip the gym and take a walk instead. As you walk, try to notice as many pleasant things as possible by using all your senses. Enjoy the fresh air, sun, trees, the smell of freshly-cut grass, and the feeling of the earth under your feet. Take your time and enjoy it!
I’m the owner of Stephenie Farrell, Coaching & Wellness. I help empower women to create freedom, health, success, and inner peace through community support and coaching.
As an Intuitive Eating Counsellor, Coach, Energy Therapist, & Yoga Instructor, I help women reach future goals that aren’t food or body-related.
If you’re interested in exploring more of this, connect with me online:
stephenie@stepheniefarrell.com
https://www.facebook.com/CoachStephenie
https://twitter.com/coach_stephenie
https://www.instagram.com/coachstephenie/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/stephenie-farrell-coaching/
https://www.youtube.com/c/StephenieFarrellTheBodyConfidenceCoach
"The world isn't fair."
That's what we've been conditioned to believe. That life is "hard”, and you have to "hustle" to make ends meet. That's the false paradigm that keeps us stuck in a system of modern-day slavery of service to FEW, the elite.
Where is your energy going?
Worrying about money takes ALOT of your energy. It also keeps you stuck in the old paradigm of lack mindset. Money is only a form of "currency"; it flows and is abundantly available for you.
You're not required to co-opt into anything that doesn't resonate with your soul, inner guidance, and well-being. Like EVER. You have complete authorization to override this reality.
Have faith and know, that you absolutely CAN when you embody and create from your Soul, your new reality.
Tune UP your intuition.
Ground IN your wisdom.
Every single differing thought, feeling and action puts you on a new timeline.
Timeline Jumping can help you create the life situations that you want. That's why it’s so important, if you really, really, really want something, to stay focused on it and its vibration! Each time you digress from your manifestation by thinking a conflicting thought or getting triggered up into lower vibing energies, you jump onto a different timeline that affects your future.
And the resistance will always show up right BEFORE a timeline jump. Because Timelines are like bandwidths.
Think of yourself as an airplane. As you gain altitude (your ascension process) the cabin pressure inside the aircraft remains stable so you can sustain being in higher elevation seamlessly.
Timeline jumping is no different. If the energy within you isn't anchored into itself to rise with another bandwidth, you cannot sustain it and can only hold the highest frequency available to you (that's why healing work is so important).
As many of you know, I have recently moved my life, my family and my business to Costa Rica.
It has been the boldest timeline jump I have ever made and it only took six months to manifest my paradise. Many people ask me how me about how I manifest, and timeline jump so seamlessly. There's no denying that these jumps do not come without challenges!
It's the energetics of manifesting. You are the master of your manifesting mojo; if you get distracted from your intention and its energy signature, your vibration dwindles; you drop your manifestation from showing up.
There are other "you's" that are already living the life that you want to live. Everything is only a matter of WHEN and aligning with the frequency of that timeline.
Do you feel like:
-You've been living life on a certain bandwidth or loop forever?
-Or you've been manifesting a better something but it's not showing up?
-Or your manifestation DOES show up, but you can't sustain it in reality?
Every single differing thought, feeling and action puts you on a new timeline.
All possibilities exist in our Universe. Your desire is there waiting for you to focus on it and bring it into view.
MANIFEST YOUR PARADISE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE TO DO.
Join me for your most epic timeline jump yet👇
Timeline Jumping - An Embodiment Experience!
https://dorothyknightreiki.ca/timeline-jumping
Dorothy Knight, known as “The 5dmom”, is a best-selling author & embodiment coach. Her coaching programs have helped hundreds of clients heal unresolved trauma and embody their full potential. She is passionate about empowering her clients towards self-mastery, illuminating the way to fulfilling their soul mission with passion, purpose, and play.
Before becoming an entrepreneur, Dorothy got degree in Journalism New Media from Sheridan College Institute of Technology and Advanced Learning. After that, her path shifted into holistic health, and she received her teacher training in yoga. Dorothy is also a certified Reiki Master, Ohana Generational Healer and Conscious Parent Educator. As an author and Soulpreneur, she travels and teaches in some of the most beautiful places on Earth. Dorothy is still a “stay-at-home mom,” homeschooling her two children while running a successful 7-figure business and writing books.
She currently lives in Costa Rica with her husband and two children. Dorothy is the branch director for HHW Tamarindo.
Website: 5dmom.com
Instagram: @5dmom
So I don't know about you, but I haven't always been a big fan of affirmations!
I saw them as a nice afterthought, but not something that was massively impactful!
Maybe your experience has been similar to mine - I see the affirmation, I think something along the lines of "Oh I love that!" I print it up, put it somewhere, and then never look at it again.
No wonder I thought they weren't impactful!
But recently something has changed for me!
I decided to give affirmations another try - to really make it my intention to use them in a way that was impactful.
And so I created a spiritual ritual around my affirmation.
I had no idea how powerful this would be!! I had always used affirmations as something I did while I was brushing my teeth (anyone else have their affirmations taped to their bathroom mirror?) but for me, that just never worked. (By day two I was forgetting all about it and after a month I was peeling the affirmation of the mirror lol!)
Creating a spiritual ritual around my affirmation met so many of the needs that I had because it caused me to slow down and actually feel the affirmation - instead of it being something I had as a fleeting thought, slowing down and creating a space to really focus on it allowed me to feel it in my body!!
And that's when it began to integrate into who I am.
Now taking that moment to stop, pause, and reflect on my affirmation is one of the most important parts of my day!
Curious about what a spiritual ritual that includes an affirmation would look like?
Well, here's what I did:
So Soul Sister, maybe you've tried the affirmations thing and it hasn't worked for you - that's ok! But maybe you want to give it another try - and maybe you want to incorporate it into a spiritual practice. If you do I offer you the affirmation I am using this month:
I would love to hear about your experiences with affirmations and how they have impacted your life!
And if you decide to build your own spiritual ritual I totally want to hear about that too!!!
Sending you so much love,
XOXO Meg
Meg is a life coach, Hypnotherapist, blogger and event host that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg is also on the Board of Directors for Happy Healthy Women Global
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 21 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie.
To learn more about Meg visit her website www.megheppner.com
Using gratitude as a tool for happiness has been mainstream for years. Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that an appreciative attitude contributes to success in work, health, and recovery.
Fostering a deep appreciation for your body and what it can do, is a crucial step in healing your relationship with food and body image. Building body confidence is much easier when you can learn to appreciate your body for what it can do.
When you practice giving thanks for our body, instead of complaining or worrying about what you lack, you give yourself the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.
It’s a matter of where you put your focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.
There are many things to be grateful for: colourful autumn leaves, legs that work, arms that can hug, warm jackets, the ability to read, roses, butterflies. What’s on your list?
Some Ways to Practice Gratitude
Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling.
Stephenie Farrell
Body Confidence Coach
We all want to grow and learn and make a positive impact in the world.
We long to do something important with our lives and for the most part, we know that it starts with ourselves - we change the world by changing how we show up in the world and how we interact with the world.
But it can be so easy to tumble down the rabbit hole of judgment. Unfortunately, nothing stops our growth and our impact like judgment.
And that is because what we judge we can not understand.
The minute that we say "He's a liberal" or "She's a conservative" is the moment that "understanding" comes to a halt.
(Or maybe a better example right now would be "He's a pro-vaxer"/"She's an anti-vaxer!")
When we decide to place a label on someone or something, we often do so with an undertone of approval or disapproval attached to it. It becomes very difficult to understand the things (and people) that we disapprove of.
The whole idea of disapproval is that it is something foreign to you or outside of you. And we all know that is ripe and fertile ground for an "us against them" environment.
As human beings, we tend to react to things that are foreign to us or outside of us in 3 different ways:
The first way we can react is to quickly reject that person, their behavior, or their ideas. For many of us this means that we don’t want them around us, we don’t include them in our friend groups and if they are family we spend as little time with them as possible. They become the them to our us. When this get’s played out on a bigger stage we see countries going to war, we see racism, we see refugees with no place to go. And we begin to use language that vilifies and depersonalizes them until in the worst cases we are ok with their complete destruction. I know that sounds extreme but how many of us watch the news and see exactly this type of behavior.
The second way that we can react is by accepting the difference as long as it’s not brought to your awareness. It’s like saying “Ok it’s fine that we are different but I don’t want to hear about it and I don’t want to see it.” This happens when we go home for thanksgiving and we say “I’m just not going to talk to Uncle Bill about politics" or we say to our partner “Since we’re not married my parents are going to make us sleep in different rooms” even though you have been living together for years. It’s saying we are fine with people being gay but we would never be friends with them. The list goes on and on....
The third way we respond is by removing all the differences and saying, “Well we are all the same.” We saw this when Black Lives Matter came on the stage and asked us to see something we didn’t necessarily want to see...so many people responded with “Well, all lives matter.” And in removing the differences we remove anything that was uncomfortable and that we could have learned from.
Now if you respond in one of these three ways you will notice something very interesting. You’ll notice that in each way of responding you are right. In the first two, you are right and the other person is wrong. And in the third one, you’re both right. Oh yes, that ego is one tricky son of a gun.
But there is a fourth way of responding. It's a difficult one but it will provide you with so much spiritual growth and such a rich and abundant life experience. And that is to look at things and to look at yourself through the lens of the other person - with such a deep curiosity that when you look back at your own behavior it looks strange to you.
Let me give you an example in a story that I heard:
There was a therapist that was going to go work in an Indigenous community. And when he arrived he looked at how they raised their children, the children ran from house to house acting as if each house was their own, they spent most of their time unsupervised and playing outside. When the kids misbehaved every adult felt the freedom to discipline them.
And the therapist thought - “Oh this is a huge problem. These kids are not grounded in their families, they lack connection with their mothers and fathers, they are allowed too much freedom and not enough structure” and on and on.
But the longer he stayed in the community and the more he got to know the people that lived there, he began to see the world through their lens until finally, he had some understanding.
And then when he looked back at his own community he thought “How strange it is that we live so isolated from each other, that we don’t allow the influence of other people to penetrate us, that we build so many fences and so many boundaries - perhaps that is why I have always felt so alone.”
This story is so impactful not because it glorifies one way of living over another, but because it causes us to look through more than just our own natural lens to see the world through another’s eyes and to allow what we see to pierce us and to cause us to grow!
So today ask yourself - which of these four ways of responding do I normally choose? And how would I become a more beneficial person in the world if I decided to remove my judgments and to see the world through the eyes of another the best that I could. How could I gain a more clear picture of reality if I also chose to see and accept my own strangeness as well?
Want to know more? Listen to The Art Of Being H(YOU)man Podcast - Episode 8 Accepting Other
Meg is a life coach, blogger and event host that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg is also the current Branch Director of South Surrey/White Rock for Happy Healthy women.
Meg’s currently running events are:
The Self Love Series (March 2021 to June 2021)
The Art Of Being H(You)man Series (January 2021 to April 2021)
The Goddess Talks (All of 2021)
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 20 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie. To learn more about Meg and her business, visit her website realexcellentliving.com
How often do you think or feel negatively about yourself?
If you're anything like I was, I bet you do pretty often. Am I right?
Love, that it isn't the REAL you. It's your inner critic, AKA your inner "mean girl," that's talking inside your head.
If you let her, she'll drag you down in just about every aspect of your life. Believe me, I've been there too, but I overcame this, and so can you.
Here is some practical advice on silencing your inner mean girl and start channeling the real you!
When I coach women, this is just one of the things we work on. It's essential to reconnect to the REAL you.
Changing your life happens from the inside and builds the confidence to go after a life that truly lights you up.
Connect with me if you'd like to explore how we can work together so you can live that life.
XO, Stephenie
I wonder if you can relate to this - I spent a huge chunk of my life thinking there was something wrong with me.
It just seemed like I was just never enough - never smart enough, talented enough, pretty enough, successful enough, - I wasn’t enough in any area of my life.
And so I decided to go on a journey of “fixing myself.” I took classes, read books, took trainings, I practiced my craft over and over again until I got more than just good at it, I bought more expensive clothes and drove an hour to get my hair done at the best place - the things I did to try to be 'more' was just a never-ending list of to-dos!
But I had consoled myself with the fact that I at least had hope: I had this promise that if I stayed on the treadmill of self-improvement I would get to where I felt I needed to be!
But year after year I never reached that promised land and year after year I found new areas I needed to improve (hello motherhood) and new methods that I still needed to try.
And then one day I picked up a book about acceptance...not just any kind of acceptance….Radical Acceptance...and I thought well maybe I should give this a try!
And I have to be honest, I laughed through most of the first chapter - I can remember thinking - "Well this won't work! I would never do anything if I just sat and accepted myself for who I am!"
But there was a tug on the heart that made me keep reading - And I am so grateful that I did, because it turns out I had NO IDEA what Acceptance actually was!
I thought it meant giving up and giving in...a type of "It is what it is."
But Radical Acceptance is oh so different than that!
Radical acceptance has two parts:
The first part is the ability to really see what is in front of us. We might think that we have a good idea of what is happening in front of us but the truth is most of us look at the superficial circumstances and create some story about what we think is happening.
We see someone who is angry and we see someone who is out of control instead of seeing someone who is hurt. We see someone who is procrastinating and we see someone who has no drive rather than someone who is dealing with the burden of perfection.
We almost never see what really is, unless we pause and take a moment, and in that moment accept what is in front of us so that we can see clearly.
Most of the time we resist and reject what is in front of us. We see an angry person and we say "You shouldn’t be angry." We see someone who is procrastinating and we say "You should come up with a greater why."
And in saying what 'should be' we reject what is.
The second part of Radical Acceptance is to feel compassion for what we see. Normally when we look at something on the superficial level we tend to put it in the box of right or wrong - and we don’t normally feel much compassion for the things that go in the 'it's wrong' box!
But when we see what really is we can also see the pain behind the things we label wrong and when we see pain it inspires us to compassion!
And here is the good news - when we have seen what is really there and when we have felt compassion for what we see we come to a beautiful place - we come to a place where we are connected to our higher self and where we are connected to our resourcefulness and to our creativity.
Too often we see, we reject and we jump into action. And then we don’t understand why the solutions don’t bring us the joy they promised or why we still feel upset after things have technically been worked out.
We jump into action too quickly and don’t take the time to process the emotions that we are experiencing.
The truth is we are actually only ready to take action after we have practiced radical acceptance!!
Only after we truly see and find our compassion are we ready for any type of action! If we dive into action before we truly see and find our compassion we tend to react instead of act and I don't know about you but when I am reacting I am never at my best self!
So amazingly enough when I practiced Radical Acceptance in my life the quote from Carl Rogers came true when he said "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I change."
Are you curious about Radical Acceptance and how it would impact your life? Listen for more on The Art of Being H(You)man Podcast
Meg is a life coach, Hypnotherapist, blogger and event host that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg is also the current Branch Director of South Surrey/White Rock for Happy Healthy women.
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 20 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie. To learn more about Meg and her business, visit her website www.megheppner.com
One day a number of years back I was out for a walk and I happened to catch my reflection in the window of a store … it stopped me dead in my tracks! My 1st thought was “holy SH*T! How did you walk out of the house looking like that? You look awful! That top makes you look gigantic! And seriously…what’s up with your hair?” And the dialogue in my head went on and on.
I bet this has happened to you too. Why do we speak so unkindly to ourselves? Why do we, dare I say it, always feel that our bodies are not good enough? What if I told you that there’s ways to be a little kinder? Would you be willing to give it a go? Let’s talk about the 5 top ways we are unkind to our bodies and how we can put a stop to that NOW!!
Comparing – Cruel to Kind
Look at her! I’ll never have a body/hair/eyes like hers! We do this all the time…we compare ourselves to other people…especially if we are on a weight-loss journey. There is a big difference between admiring another person and comparing yourself to them. Think about the beautiful models you see on the front of a magazine...think about your favourite athlete; it’s their JOB to look like that! It’s our job to admire them not be them.
When we compare ourselves to others, we automatically set ourselves up for disappointment. The next time you find yourself comparing, try Reframing your thought. That might sound like “Look at her! I might never be a super-model but boy do I have gorgeous eyes!” Reframing allows us to look upon our thoughts with a more positive and gentler attitude.
Deprivation and Binging – to eat or not to eat? That is the Question!
Perhaps the most unkind thing we can do to our bodies when we are on our healthy living journey is to not fuel our bodies with good and balanced nutrition. It has been proven over and over again that diets don’t work! Let me say that again a little louder! DIETS DON’T WORK! No matter where you are on your journey you must always approach your nutrition from a place of kindness. You can not be kind to your body if you are depriving it of food or if you are consistently over-indulging.
Get rid of the diet plans! Throw out the diet books masquerading as cook books! Cancel your memberships from diet loss programs! Honestly all you need to do to be kind to your body is to eat the best fresh foods your budget can afford. You need Power Foods and Pleasure Foods in your diet (More on that next week!). You need to eat when you’re hungry (see my next post where we talk about the mind/hunger connection and how to determine where you are on the hunger scale!). You need to hydrate with fresh water. When you follow these simple guidelines there will be no need to neither deprive nor binge. You will feel great and your body will thank you!
But I Hate Running/Yoga/Aerobics – Be More Like Monica From Friends
Have you seen the episode of Friends where Monica is taking a tap-dancing class? She’s super bad at it (kind of like me in a Zumba class!) and the teacher calls her out in front of the whole class telling her she’s doing it all wrong. Her response to the teacher is “Yah but at least I’m doing it!”.
This is a perfect example of what it means to be kind to yourself/body when you exercise. We all know how important it is to move our bodies. Exercise keeps us healthy not only physically but mentally as well. So if this is a necessary part of our day, why would you want to do something that you don’t enjoy?
Sometimes we get caught up in the “I don’t have time to exercise” dialogue with ourselves. My motto has always been it’s the Quality not the Quantity! If you find yourself not wanting to start an exercise session because of this, remember that even 10 or 15 minutes of an exercise you actually enjoy is far better than no exercise at all! Keep that body moving and it will thank you!
Being kind to your body is never an all or nothing thing! It takes work and time! Don’t expect it to happen overnight and don’t expect it to be perfect every single day. You’ll have days that the first thought you have is more on the negative side of things; that’s ok! When you notice that, go back to the Reframing exercise we talked about earlier. Or if perhaps you’ve over-indulged on the Pleasure foods today, maybe tomorrow you decide to be a little kinder to your body and fuel yourself with lots of Power foods. I invite you to share how you are practicing Body Kindness this week. Pop over to the Perfectly Imperfect Mastermind Group on FB and share your successes!
Anne Caissie
Life Metamorphosis Coach
Branch Director, Happy Healthy Women - Guelph
Facilitator, Women’s Wellness Circle – Guelph
