If I had a dime for every time I hear older women say, “I feel invisible.”, I'd be a multimillionaire.
Having gone through this myself I empathize. It's as if once women approach menopause, we're ignored. Men no longer leer and many people develop selective hearing when we try to speak.
The irony is that as we continue to gain in wisdom, gifts, skills and emotional maturity, our bodies lose health, vitality, and attractiveness. We're on the downward trajectory toward death as we have more to contribute to life.
We're told to “age gracefully” but what does that really mean? And who defines it?
What if we want to age “outrageously”? Or “uniquely”? Or we have better things to do than to think about aging?
Of course, most of us do not want to spend what could potentially be one-third or more of our lifespan after our mid-50's just sliding toward death, nor do we want to remain invisible.
And, it's quite interesting that up until the Industrial Revolution, elderly women did neither. For millenia we were revered in our tribes as wise counselors, healers, heritage keepers, nurturers of children, spiritual guides.
The engines of industry have no use for the wise elder. But why should that mean that we should accept invisibility and bodily decay?
Here's the good news: the latest research indicates that the single biggest predictor of successful aging is mindset.
Not genetics/family history. Not socioeconomics. Not demographics.
The more beliefs we hold about aging that are positive, the more likely we are to keep expanding, contributing, and maintaining youthful vigor at any age.
The challenge is that we've been weighed down with ageist beliefs. Even children form beliefs about aging starting around 5 years old. And, you guessed it, most of those beliefs are negative.
So what are some simple steps that we can take to reprogram our mindset about aging?
1) Be very aware of our negative stereotypes as well as those of society at large.
2) As we notice them, actively question them. Do we know women who've successfully broken the age barrier? Are we contributing to our own invisibility by shrinking down into the confines of the negative stereotypes?
3) Value our bodies but don't identify with them. If we see ourselves as Infinite Beings in finite bodies we can shift focus to our soul's purpose in being in this world. Then we automatically become more of a shining presence. We don't have to wear leather and ride a motorcycle. We just have to know that we are a unique manifestation of the Divine in this world.
4) Be more connected to our bodies. If we pick up the messages our bodies are sending us – on a biological and emotional level – we feel more integrated and we're more likely to provide what we need for a long and happy life.
Ultimately, we are still creators of our lives, no matter how old we are.
Rather than becoming invisible as we age, we can make aging invisible.
Dr. Lucille is a Life Coach for women whose life experience leaves them longing for more. Through her company, “The Joy of Purpose”, she helps these women find the missing pieces of true fulfillment, meaning and joy that have eluded them despite all they've achieved.
Dr. Lucille's has spent over 30 years practising psychiatry with a focus on holistically and spiritually oriented psychotherapy. Healing root causes of her patients' distress has been her greatest reward. All that her patients have taught her informs her Life Coaching, which takes women from healing to thriving.
Her perspective is that women, especially as they age, have within them a vast reservoir of gifts and strengths, much of which lies dormant. Like diving for pearls at the seabed of the psyche, she loves nothing better than to bring them to the surface. When expressed, these gifts and strengths lead to joy and fulfillment.
And when she's not diving for pearls, she enjoys romping on the beach with her dog, dancing, singing, geeking out on human potential research, and having intimate contact with Nature.
You can check out Dr. Lucille at her website: https://www.drlucille.ca
and on Instagram: @lucillenecas
Imagine what your life would look like if you weren’t afraid, Beautiful!
Weren’t afraid of stepping up and taking action with more confidence
Weren’t afraid of owning your power & the fact that you want success for yourself
Weren’t afraid of letting your authentic self shine no matter what
Weren’t afraid of doing it your way because it felt good
Weren’t afraid of setting healthy boundaries to protect your energy
IMAGINE If you were fully confident knowing that the choices and decisions you make are fully aligned with who you truly are. IMAGINE your future and where you could be.
Can you see it?
It took me so long to be clear about what that looked like. I used to dream and then let the self-doubts, fears and limiting beliefs take over! I struggled so much in my business and spun my wheels that I didn’t know how to move forward. I didn’t know what the next step was.
There were many times that I :
We all have limits of what we think we can achieve and when we hit that limit, we start sabotaging ourselves. That’s when the comparison, the self-doubt, the fear and the negative talk comes in.
We are making sure that we stay within these limits because we subconsciously believe it is UNSAFE to achieve more! Our nervous system is on high alert making us unable to relax, to tune in, to step up into our highest potential.
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Ask yourself: What are MY LIMITS? What scares me so much that I decide to sit down instead of taking the step? Where do I start feeling the discomfort within?
These are all great reflective questions to ask to start seeing where your limits are.
Acknowledging them is KEY!
Start noticing the patterns that keep coming back.
Start noticing your triggers and how they make you feel.
Start noticing the habits that are driving you.
Start pinpointing the root of these. Go back and see where you learnt these behaviours and took on these emotions. When you can start seeing the energy of these, you can start shifting and healing.
And only then can you start expanding your limits and connecting with who you truly are!
It is time to step up in your life and take back your power. Fear is inevitable, but it is also a choice. Choose YOU, Choose GREATNESS, Choose JOY!
You got this beautiful!
Much love,
Rachel xo
Rachel Benton is a Licensed Life & Embodiment Coach and a ThetaHealing Energy Practitioner. She helps women step into the essence of who they are so they can build a business in complete alignment with their truth, intuition & integrity and guides them to create a soulful life that FUELS and IGNITES them!
Rachel is also the branch director for Happy Healthy Women - Cambridge (https://www.facebook.com/groups/1761666377428793)
Connect with her today:
Website: https://rachelbentoncoaching.com/
Instagram: @wildroserising
What on this blue and green globe am I talking about?
Okay, the Sun
Starting with sunlight, creatives need the warmth of a friendly listener, observer and reader and the tempered heat of quality feedback. How do we ask for that? When we're creating, it is most often a solitary endeavour. One friendly confidante can nurture our creative adventures in ways that feed and motivate us to continue creating. We can ask the observer, the reader, and the listener, to tell us what they see or hear from what we're sharing. What captures their attention and leaves them wanting to know more about what we're painting, composing, creating or writing?
By now, you know words are my medium. So I may default to the art of writing though I aim to speak to a broader group of creatives. Specifically with writing, when we want to recruit or find a friendly reader, we want to ask them a few simple questions. “Where did you stop or find your mind wandering? What made you think? Can you pinpoint a place you want to know more about? What words captured your attention? When we hear this type of feedback, we know, “Oh, wow, this part’s working!” Songs will work with these questions. Now with sculpting or painting and the visual arts, your questions might be, “What holds your gaze? What feels just so right in your hand? What do you ache to touch and hold? What grabs your heart and makes you gasp? Along these lines, form the questions that will spur you on in your craft. Having these friendly viewers and listeners is the sunlight that all creatives need.
Now, Good Soil
The soil is time to plant and claim stillness to sit in our creative zone of genius. The richest soil is uninterrupted time. A writer/colleague in the next city over from me panicked when his wife retired because he no longer had the house all to himself. It was like she was there, her footsteps above interrupting his thoughts. At any moment, she might intrude. Oh, no. What was he going to do? He was hilarious talking about navigating this change. He had to find a new way of being and creating for himself when she was in the house.
On a similar note, I heard this poem at New Mexico State University, almost 30 years ago, and it still sticks in my mind. I think it's because it's my love language, a sixth love language that is not typically known or even coined by the original author. I feel the truth of it. Some people, like me, need more distance and time alone. Some of you may know my story about the Palindrome, which is what I call a past lover I cohabitated with. His love language was quality time. He wanted all my time, and he wanted it all to himself. I kept very well in the pumpkin shell for nine years because I learned a lot about my gifts in that reclusive soil. He would work out for 90 minutes every morning in the room next to my little eight by four feet office cubby. During that time, I wrote and wrote, once challenging myself to write four poems a day after one a day was just too easy. Uninterrupted time is precious. And yes, I did blast out 1,460 poems in that one year.
The poem I remember from NMSU is about a man writing a love poem for his wife, and it's just amazing how it's coming together so well. His wife tiptoes in bringing him a cup of tea and a quick kiss on the cheek. Not a word to interrupt his thoughts, she goes out and closes the door. The poem was ruined. He went from being so pleased with his love poem to absolute dejection. That tea was love in a cup, and the silent kiss was love. Ironic. But I understand his dilemma. When I was living with the Palindrome, only 30 minutes a day were guaranteed mine without interruption. If he had an idea or something he wanted to share, he would walk through the door at any time and return to his next stretch. When he switched from weights and stretching, he skipped rope for 30 minutes of cardio and would not stop for anything. Only once in nine years because he had a cold and realized he couldn't breathe well enough for cardio. For nine years, I knew that those 30 minutes a day were mine and that he would not come walking through that door into the other side of my little space that I claimed for writing in the basement suite of his parents’ house.
Now the flow of water.
Water stands for a steady flow of inspiration. We have to take responsibility for that ourselves. Observe, as Natalie Goldberg says in her book, writing down the bones. We have to watch with two eyes and see everything twice. The clue something interests your muse is when you pay closer scrutiny to something, and your thought lingers before moving on. You may want to hear what somebody said again, or you want to rewind a program or re-read a page or paragraph, or the rhythm of the city’s bustle creates a melody in your brain or a scene you want to paint. Capture enough of it to return to what meaning that moment held during your next bit of quiet time. Explore different directions, play, expand and mould that inspirational moment and clue for yourself in whatever art form is yours that makes your heart sing.
It is an artist’s duty and pleasure to watch for and catch these moments. I used to carry old one-sided business cards and a pen in every jacket pocket or backpack. I would write thoughts down on the blank side. If you don't have the time to act on that inspiration right then, make a promise to your muse to capture enough of it in the moment to recall later. Ideas and inspiration are like dust bunnies; they roll away or disappear. Somebody interrupts the moment or comes along and vacuums them up. In the mornings, I would flip through those scribbles and turn them into poems.
A lawyer friend in Ontario wanted to be an artist since she was a child. Her parents wanted her to choose a secure occupation because they had grown up in tough times. So she decided on the next best thing to becoming an artist – international tax law is creative, right? In her late 50s, she started having dreams of paintings which suggests early passions in life will continue to call. It’s up to each one of us to discover your purpose, your vision and your creative zone and genius. Her dreams showed her a hand painting beautiful art but never the artist. These remarkable paintings called to her, wanting to be found. She thought they must be famous. At the Louvre in France, she felt the urgency to return to her artist self. She journaled and wrote about the paintings in her dreams. She captured, in words, every aspect of those canvases. Only when she committed to returning to her artistry did the dreams reveal that the hand painting in her dreams was her own.
All those fleeting dreams she captured in the pages of her journal are now painted and tangible outside the world of wishes and regrets. If you have a chance, visit her art studio, where she offers artists' workshops in a lovely renovated 1800s farmhouse with a luscious yoga studio and a new spacious gallery in Prince Edward Wine County outside of Toronto. One day soon, I hope to hold retreats there.
So water/inspirational flow is your responsibility. Catch those ideas that pop, moments you want to repeat to maintain the flow of inspiration, the water every creative needs. Artist dates as suggested by Julia Cameron in her book, The Artist’s Way, can fill in any gaps.
Keen attention to the rotation of the earth
And that brings me to my metaphor of the spinning globe we call home. This was the main gift I received from the Palindrome. His life and routines kept him safe and comfortable, and while it grew increasingly restrictive for me, the routine structure of our week created space for a daily habit of writing. Early to bed, we’d wake at half-past four to start our day. Then I had two glorious hours to write after a light breakfast.
In that routine of showing up every day, my muse took me seriously, and practicing my craft grew my skills. I found that going to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays built a flow to the week where the writing fit into the time allowed, but the other four days offered flexibility. I could drag out the last few minutes, expanding them with the flow effect. My preparation during the day ensured that I arrived at my desk with ideas. Metaphors came easier. My mind would play with those ideas and snippets of observations because I showed up just as the sun rises every day. If we creatives honour our ideas, they will plant themselves on the page, on the stage, on canvas, on keyboards, in your clay or the vibration of your strings. If we show up, the ideas show up. Peter DeVries said, “I write when I am inspired, and I see to it that I am inspired every morning at 9:30.” Show up, play with your art and create.
Find those warm sunny friends, guard your soil of time, create a flow of ideas, show up every day or Tuesdays and Thursdays, whatever works for you and you will find a rhythm as dependable as the sun and moon.
These are the four things every creative needs. And it wouldn't be fair of me to talk about inspiration and all of these things if I didn't offer something you might be able to bank on for your creative needs. So here it is. This will work for all types of creatives, with a bit of revision for those delving into other arts beyond writing.
Click here to receive the Habit Creation Program. It is written up specifically for writers, though anyone can replace where it says to set up your journal or writing station with setting up your easel or putting your favourite coffee cup on your piano bench or set your clay up for the morning. Or whenever it's your time to create. You get the idea. Just because I'm a morning person doesn’t mean your art will fit there. Substitute morning for evening or afternoon tea at your favourite coffee shop. You’ll figure it out. Just know that inspiration and boredom are one thought apart from your next incredible creation.
Reference links in the body of the story above:
Practicing your craft, debunking the 10,000-hour theory link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MgBikgcWnY
Habit Creation Program Link: https://forms.zoho.com/wordquest/form/HabitCreationProgram
Heather Kerr’s GRACE (George Russell Academy of Creative Expansion): https://gracedcanvas.com/
Sign up for Friday Writing Challenge Ideas and Video: https://tinyurl.com/bdd3dp4s
To Join Monday’s free Writing Room: https://tinyurl.com/mt9d8dz8
Learn more about Rusti:
Rusti L Lehay, a global editor and book and writing coach, created over 40 articles guiding writers to authordom. Witnessing writers find and speak in their voice to serve the real boss, the audience, not the editor, is one of Rusti’s greatest joys. She offers bi-monthly online writing STAY-Treats and monthly lounges and teaches weekly creative writing classes. Her primary mission is to inspire, provide value and make writing fun and easy.
Links: https://linktr.ee/rustilehay
Click here to book a discovery chat with Rusti.
Click here to join the weekly Monday co-working zoom space. We complete stuff!
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“But I don’t know what would make me happy!”
Lorena was a 52-year-old public servant and mother of 2 teenage boys who’d hired me to help her make life worth living. Her vitality was spent after years of working at an unrewarding job, raising children, taking care of aging parents and trying to keep her marriage together.
This experience is so common for middle-aged women. You may recognize aspects of your life in Lorena’s story. I’ve certainly found myself on the task treadmill wondering why all my hard work wasn’t producing the happiness I longed for. When our lives feel burdensome it’s because we’re not living in alignment with who we really are. It’s so easy to fall into this pattern.
Everything in our world puts pressure on us to conform to external expectations of what we should be doing. We’re presented with a list of pre-determined career and relationship options and expected to pick one. Do you recall anyone taking a deep interest in who you really are to determine what would make you happy? Not just what abilities and interests would match you up with the menu of job options? Did anyone support you in making a conscious choice about marriage, having children, and if or when these experiences would be right for you? If your answers are “yes”, you’ve received a gift beyond measure.
Most of us haven’t. We’ve fallen into careers and relationships without being clearly aware if they’re meant for us. Often, we’ve chosen based on what others expect of us. We give up our power to decide for ourselves.
So, what’s the answer if you’re living life like Lorena? It wasn’t true that Lorena didn’t know what would make her happy. It’s just that the answer seemed inaccessible. It had been buried in her brain under a pile of repetitive memory programming to do with work, daily tasks and caregiving.
If we accept that it’s a process of discovery and go on an archeological dig into our deepest consciousness and heart’s desires, we’ll find these 2 keys to happiness:
Life purpose and creativity.
You may be saying, “Whoa, I have no idea what my Life Purpose is.” Fear not. Don’t put yourself under pressure to come up with the ultimate answer. Anything can serve as a purpose if it gets you out of bed with a smile on your face,
looking forward to the day.
Start indulging in the smaller acts of service that light you up: volunteering to walk dogs at the local pound; teaching children how to grow food; brightening the day of an elderly friend in a nursing home; greeting everyone you meet with a smile and a “hello” ... The more you indulge in the smaller acts of purpose, the more you’ll be led you to your greater purpose and to ever-expanding happiness.
Creativity allows you to flow with vitality.
It can bring a sense of timelessness, inner peace, joy and spiritual connection. Everyone is creative. It doesn’t matter what form it takes – cooking, interior decorating, basket weaving, fine art – as long as it fulfills you.
Lorena’s archeological dig led her to memories of being happy creating stories and drawing. She burst into the smile of an excited child as she described this pastime. Eventually, she decided the vehicle for her life purpose and creativity would be writing and illustrating children’s books. Now, as Lorena performs her daily tasks, she’s happy. Her reward at the end of her day is to create stories for children to help them feel happy.
Align with your unique purpose and creative expression and happiness will arrive.
Dr. Lucille Necas is a Fulfillment Coach for women and founder of “The Joy of Purpose”. She works with mature women who’ve woken up to the fact that they’re missing out on joy and long to find it so that they may thrive, not just survive. Her day job is being a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Dr. Lucille is a Trailblazer for Happy Healthy Women in Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on Instagram @lucillenecas
By Esther Sarlo, BA, Founder | CEO | Myndful Spark of www.MyndMyself.com
As I sit at my computer today in preparation for a remote conversation with my 87-year-old mother’s medical doctor, this question drives home even more profoundly. As my mother’s Enduring Power of Attorney (in both her finances AND her health) it is my job to help her navigate the tricky terrain that arises as she continues to age.
I imagine you might be at the stage of life when you’re starting to think of what will happen with your aging parents. If so, GREAT! The sooner you start planning and preparing for this eventuality, the better. If not, I highly recommend that you start now. There is no time like the present!
Tip #1: Notice and Assess Your Own Health Status
The best way to ensure that your parents are taken care of adequately in their old age is…to MAKE SURE YOU ARE AS HEALTHY AS POSSIBLE! Trust me. If you are not as healthy as you can be, what might be a difficult task could become monumental!
But let’s backtrack for a bit here. Let’s not talk about anyone else but YOU.
If you’re 40+ (or even if you’re approaching 40), I know you’ve been noticing things about your body that you never used to have to pay attention to. Things like:
I’m sure none of these are surprising ‘facts’ for you. However, knowing that it happens to ‘those old people over there’ and experiencing some of this in yourself is an entirely different matter!
Tip #2: Setting Yourself Up for Optimal Health
Yes, it’s happening to you, too. Some of this is inevitable…However, there are lots of great things you can do to set yourself up for amazing health as you age!
As Steve Jobs said in his final essay, “The six best doctors in the world are sunlight, rest, exercise, diet, self-confidence, and friends.”
Tip #3: Taking Specific Action
For help exploring any of these actions or learning more about Complementary, Holistic, and Integrative (CHI) Health, please visit https://www.myndmyself.com.
Why do you need to do this? Because YOU matter!
As a voice for the body’s role in healing and wholeness in the universe, Esther Sarlo is an entrepreneur, facilitator, speaker, and writer who is passionately committed to making it easier for you to connect to trusted Complementary, Holistic, and Integrative (CHI) Health information and Practitioners so you can live…and speak…your most authentic life.
Have you ever wondered if your personality controls your actions, or is it your actions that define your personality?
When I was little I was SUPER shy, so when my youngest son was uber shy and only spoke in whispers, I didn’t think it was strange at all. I’d figured out myself that being quiet was peaceful and probably a survival trick, since I went to five different schools in 7 years. I remained quiet and followed the rules unless something felt unjust. It was injustice, that even as the new young shy kid, I would always speak up even when it felt uncomfortable.
I made posters when I was 8, and posted them in a local park when there was too much trash and asked people to clean up. I marched on parliament hill at 13, for disarmament and put my placard on my parent’s front lawn, much to my mom’s dismay. Today I want women to know how beautiful their body is, and that it’s doing exactly what it was always meant to do. I want all women to know that their body is simply trying to speak up.
So what are your thoughts on personalities? Are we born with them, or are they formed? I believe a little of both. I’ve watched women show up in my facebook group and membership, in leadership roles and then quietly disappear. I’ve watched other quieter women, eventually feel safe and trust the space they’re in, and they become chatter boxes and share vulnerable stories. It’s those moments that fill me with so much joy and connect us all.
I think we have a default setting and that situations either draw us out, or shut us down.
In my holistic health practice, I see the body do the same thing. Women with low iron feel weak and tired and need an afternoon nap to keep going. They often feel cold and unfocused, and tend to suffer from restless sleep. I see women grow quiet and feel an unease as their beautiful body shifts over time. I also see women tap into their strengths, rediscover their personality and feel re-energized and vital once again.
After coaching over 50 women in my holistic health practice, I can now see the patterns in health and personalities. I’ve even pinpointed the 5 personalities I see and what makes them tick. What fuels their mind and body, what makes them smile, makes them hide and what makes them feel connected to others. Want to totally nerd out with me for a minute? Awesome, let’s look at each one quickly
The Spy: She knows what she likes and doesn’t like and loves trying new things, but only if she knows exactly what she’s getting into. When it comes to cooking food she likes to follow a recipe and really wants to know what her body is saying. She’s tired of feeling guilty and confused by her 40+ body.
The Ringmaster: She’s the one who loves to take care of others but is finally ready to put herself first. She’s a master at multi-tasking and sometimes says “yes” when she really means no, but it's always because of her big heart. She feels guilty for her new desire to focus on herself, but deep down, she knows that more “me” time will ultimately make her a happier person
The Detective: She knows that knowledge is power. She has a zest and love of life-long-learning and loves to share what she knows with others. She feels both curious and impatient with her changing body and thrives on routine and habits. She’s both frustrated and impatient lately, which isn’t her normal state of being, and is ready for more solid goals and an action plan
The Magician: She’s ready to get to the root cause of how she’s feeling. She knows that self-confidence is the cure for stress, fatigue and brain fog and is an action taking woman. She’s frustrated that her body has been pushing back on her recently and is usually the talker in social settings with her friends. She too knows that with a few changes, she could feel in control of her body again.
The Wizard: She knows that her secret weapon is staying in action. She doesn’t let her changing body get her down and figures that her routines and exercise will even things out eventually. She knows that food, mindset and lifestyle, all play a part in gaining control of how her body has been showing up recently. She thrives on routines and habits and knows that they can pay off over time.
The fun part of tapping into your symptoms is that they are your superpower. They are your body’s messages and by recognizing what type of beautiful woman you are, you have the power to feel, look and sleep your best.
Try the superpower quiz and discover your superpower personality.
https://www.stephaniehw.com/quiz
Stephanie Huntjens White is a holistic health coach and wellness stylist who helps women flip their 40+ symptoms into their superpower by helping them feel confident and in control of their changing body, in a beautiful holistic way.
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@misswoods
Have you ever noticed that you live from a place of rejection and/or betrayal on a daily basis?
Let me explain.. Fear of rejection and betrayal are 2 of the most common fears that humans have. Every time we make a decision or take action, our fears come up and we decide from this place. Our minds go into full gear: 'how have I experienced these emotions and fears before and how can I avoid going through that again'? No matter the situation, this is your bottom line. Will I be rejected and/or will I be betrayed?!
For example:
You want to start a business or apply for a new job. Your first reaction will be to go through all of the ways this could go wrong and then start doubting yourself and feeling that you aren't good enough. You reject and betray yourself before you even begin because you don't want others to do it first.
You message a friend, a co-worker, a family member and they don't respond, you automatically think it's you, you've done something wrong or that they are mad at you. You go into feelings of rejection and/or betrayal because that is the story that runs in your mind. Those are the emotions you associate with.
You hide behind labels (wife, mother, CEO, etc.) and masks (perfectionism, good girl, over-achiever, etc) when you encounter people in your life. These become anchors to make you feel like you are somebody in case you get rejected and/or betrayed. They become the barriers you set for protection.
What if we started interrupting these thoughts and beliefs and replace them with loving and accepting thoughts? Wouldn't that be more pleasurable? Wouldn't that make us want to show up for ourselves more often?
What if every morning when you get up, you choose how you want to show up that day?
What if every day you become more and more curious about who you are?
What if you get to decide who you want to be in every moment?
What if you remind yourself of the good that you bring to this world?
What if you concentrate on the things you are proud of?
What if TODAY YOU CHOOSE a different way, a different life?
This is how you start changing the negative patterns.
Be AWARE of the fears and how they are subtly showing up in your life.
INTENTIONALLY reach for new positive and empowering beliefs
CHOOSE to act differently
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Write these down and say them every day, truly feel the energy they bring and spend time in state:
I am capable of achieving all that I want.
I deserve to love and to be loved.
I am worthy because I exist.
I ACCEPT who I am and where I am at this moment
Get to know who you are without the fear of rejection and betrayal, without the masks and the labels, without the barriers of protection.
WHO WOULD THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUL BE?
WHO COULD SHE BECOME if she started accepting herself where she is flaws and all?
HOW WONDERFUL would it be to show up from this place?
I know she exists within you, she just needs a little help to emerge!
Lots of love,
Rachel xo
Do you ever feel discouraged?
I do. And when I feel discouraged, I feel it as a heavy, sticky, dark feeling in the pit of my stomach that weighs my heart down and closes me off from empowerment. In fact, discouragement is the opposite of empowerment. The word discourage comes from the French origin “des”, meaning “to take away”. So in discourage, courage is being taken away. In addition, I also think empowerment, enthusiasm, confidence, and joy are all being taken away when we experience discouragement.
It takes courage to be empowered. It takes courage to be confident. It takes courage to be enthusiastic and joyful. It takes courage to show up in the world authentically, day after day. When we feel discouraged, all these things are taken away too.
But underneath the discouragement, courage and confidence and purpose are still there. And it’s a matter of remembering that and then deciding to choose empowerment over disempowerment, joy over victimhood, enthusiasm over apathy, confidence over fear, and courage over discouragement.
I’d like to share my ‘Discouragement Dissipation Process’; a process I developed for my Accelerate Your Inner Wisdom coaching program. I encourage you to use this process next time you feel discouraged.
Step 1
When you feel discouraged, sit with the feeling and the energy of discouragement. How does it feel? Where do you feel it in your body? What other emotions are associated with it? (i.e., do you also feel anger, frustration, jealousy, or sadness?).
Don’t judge what you’re feeling. Just sit with it and let the feelings be. You may find it helpful to put your hand to where you feel it in your body.
Don’t push it away or resist it.
Imagine having an open heart as you feel what you feel.
As you’re doing this, use your intellectual mind to know two things:
1) Sitting with discouragement is challenging and will feel hard.
2) The feeling will dissipate and release.
Step 2
After a few minutes when the feeling dissipates (and it will) and you’re feeling lighter, take out your journal and reflect on the following questions:
Step 3
Reframe and redefine the discouragement.
Discouragement comes from the thought or story that something “is not working”. This is a victim mindset and our brain likes to point us to all the evidence that supports this (incorrect) thought.
Take yourself from a victim mindset and towards a more empowered energy by journaling on the following questions:
Step 4
Review your “how things are working for me” list from Step 3. What do you see? What patterns are emerging? This is valuable information as to where you need to be spending more time, more energy, and more resources to create more opportunities for the things that are working.
Step 5
Brainstorm ways to do more of the things that work for you. Create action steps that will move you in the direction of empowerment, courage, joy, and purpose.
Step 6
Keep track of how the Universe opens up and responds to your new definition of what’s working, your reframed thoughts, and your inspired action steps.
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I love seeing my clients move from discouragement to courage, confidence, and fulfillment. When women know what is most important to them and they feel empowered to go after what they desire, they can create so much positive change.
I can help you, too. In my 3-month coaching accelerator I'll show you how to move into confidence, purpose, and fulfilment. Book a call with me today and let's get started! Apply to work with me today.
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Vera is a Life Coach whose mission is to help women shine their light more brightly. Her signature program accelerates her clients’ connection to their inner wisdom, aligning them to their purpose, confidence, and inspired actions they can rely on, so that they can live a genuine and fulfilled life. Apply to work with Vera.
Vera hosts a podcast, Practical Wisdom from a Life Coach, which can be found on all podcast platforms.
She is also a Trailblazer with Happy Healthy Women.
Connect with Vera on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn and learn more about her at her website.
Today’s mom is full-time in the work force and full-time in the role of mom. Often struggling to make ends meet, many moms are still nowhere near earning the true value of what they give of themselves each single day. Moms want more money to invest in family, themselves, and their passions, yet many moms struggle with their beliefs around money.
Whenever I begin energy work with moms, the heart chakra is imbalanced 100% of the time. This is where most moms have a tower moment with me and confess their disappointments, resentment, anger, guilt, and disenchantment with life. What’s more amazing is that every mom will then apologize to me for telling me how they really feel. While moms may have more freedom than ever before, they also feel weighed down with more responsibility and expectations than ever before; having to consistently and constantly “hold it together” for everyone they feel responsible for supporting.
Most moms have a strained relationship with themselves. They yearn to be happy and care-free with their kids, and their partners. They want to feel confident and be desirable. They want more time to do the things that fulfill their deepest passions. They want to feel whole again.
Every time a mom shares her story with me, I’m so amazed by her resilience, strength, and compassion. My mission is to reflect those often-overlooked qualities back at the wombman before me. That first glimpse into her Divinity is the catalyst to the journey before us as together, we return to the cradle of life that infinitely supports us.
Moms are master manifestors.
Not only are we blessed to bring forth life, but we are also well-equipped to birth realities as is our divine birthright.
Every mother can identify with these pain points, as they are pain points her mother and her mother before her.
She is the mother that will remember who she is. She is the mother to heal her generational story. She is the mother that will empower the generations that follow.
I invite you to recognize her and embody her in our work together. 1-1 coaching with me is the portal to your divine embodiment.
Yes! To more abundance
Yes! To Soulfully aligned living
Yes! To womb wisdom and wholeness.
I also invite you to unpack it all with me and your sisters in our 5D Mom 5 Day Reset. It’s free to join and it’s here for you to expand your reality into true abundance and bliss, guilt-free.
We got this mama.
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Dorothy Knight is an Author and Spiritual Coach. Her coaching programs have helped hundreds of clients heal unresolved trauma and embody their full potential. She is passionate about empowering her clients towards self-mastery, illuminating the way to fulfilling their soul mission with passion, purpose, and play. Before becoming an entrepreneur, Dorothy got degree in Journalism New Media from Sheridan College Institute of Technology and Advanced Learning. After that, her path shifted into holistic health, and she received her teacher training in yoga. Dorothy is also a certified Reiki Master, Ohana Generational Healer and Conscious Parent Educator. As an author and Soulpreneur, she travels and teaches in some of the most beautiful places on Earth. Dorothy is still a “stay-at-home mom,” running a successful 7-figure business and writing books. Dorothy is the Director of the HHW Burlington Branch. She currently lives in Burlington, Canada with her husband and two children. Website: https://www.5dmom.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/5dmom/ Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/the5dmom |
The earliest published diet book dates back to 1864 when a notable English undertaker William Banting penned “Letter on Corpulence, Addressed to the Public”.
In it, he wrote, "Of all the parasites that affect humanity I do not know of, nor can I imagine, any more distressing than that of Obesity”. The book was mainly written to espouse his success in losing weight by replacing his excessive consumption of bread, sugar and potatoes with mostly meat, fish and vegetables. Since then, dieting has been so ingrained in people’s consciousness that in the 1920s, British American Tobacco even promoted a cigarette diet with its “For a Slender Figure — Reach for a Lucky Instead of a Sweet” campaign. Thankfully, we have seen the light of day, and this campaign no longer exists. That doesn’t mean we have seen the last of fad diets, though.
Suffice to say, fad diets are nothing new; they may even be as old as dieting itself. What makes it so sinister is that in more recent times, they have been masquerading as remotely science-based. An example of this is the Blood Type Diet where they claim that your blood type holds the key to the kinds of food you should be eating. With social media suddenly turning regular teenagers into unqualified dietary experts and bombarding the internet with false claims, it’s all the more worth noting that we should be wary of them as they often present more danger.
Why don't they work?
Most of the time, these fad diets encourage deprivation – cutting down on the food you enjoy to shave off the calories. It takes a look at body weight as the only basis for being healthy. Often, fad diets even mistakenly target certain foods or macronutrients, putting you at a higher risk of nutrient deficiency. Fad diets are also highly associated with an increased risk of eating disorders. According to the non-profit National Initiative for Eating Disorders, approximately one million Canadians fall under the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders – further proof that these fad diets have the potential to do more harm than good.
What can you do instead of going on fad diets?
Get moving
Don’t believe what most fad diets claim - there are no silver bullets to weight loss. Exercising is still a vital way to shed a few pounds and keep it off. Weight Watchers suggests that the best weight loss programs are flexible enough to help you find workouts that you'll actually love, not force a workout on you. You don’t even have to wake up at the break of dawn to get some exercise or get specific equipment. You just need to have over 21 minutes of activity a day. It can even include any activity that gets your heart rate up - including a quick walk around the park and even household chores!
Think about what you can add instead of what you have to take away
Most of the people who adopt fad diets do so because traditional diets, like counting calories, focus too much on removing certain food items from your diet. What you can do differently is introduce more fruits and veggies! Aim for 4 to 5 servings daily. If that seems too challenging, start small by adding a serving to one meal or grab a fruit as a snack. Fresh produce isn’t accessible enough? You can also have canned, frozen or dried fruits and veggies – but stay away from ones with added sugar and salt.
Have your favorites
Restrictive diets normally forbid you from eating dessert, which leads to cravings, bingeing and ultimately gaining more weight than you originally lost. Allow yourself to enjoy the food you love without the guilt. The key is to have things in moderation and, if possible, substitute! Craving for potato chips? Reach for that popcorn instead. It zaps that salty craving with fewer calories and additional fiber. Switch out your candy bars to protein bars – they both taste great and banish your hunger, but protein bars fill you up, something a candy bar could never do.
Seek expert advice
The internet has made it easy for us to access information but also made it equally confusing to wade through tips from self-proclaimed experts with no real subject matter knowledge. A good rule of thumb: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Instead of spending time watching misleading TikTok nutrition trends, speak with a registered dietitian to help you set realistic goals and get sustainable dietary advice. Other good resources to have at the palm of your hand (or on your phone) are apps like MyFitnessPal that lets you add customized recipes and set your home screen to display the nutrients you care most about, like calories, carbohydrates, protein, sodium, and fiber. Another good one is Fooducate which makes it easier for you to find products that are better for you when you are not sure which brand or item to buy.
The key is consistency. Start with small dietary changes you can quickly implement to make sure you can stay on top of it. The longer you do it, the easier it gets. Once you get comfortable enough with the changes, introduce new ones.
Good luck and enjoy the journey!
Perusing the Value Village bookshelves, one title, 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire, jumped out at us. Debra Anderson, a long-time neighbour from when I lived on Alberta Avenue, laughed. “We don’t need 203. We just need one way. Breathe.” Then added, "Not that men are a lower life form.”
The male’s biological ability to procreate indefinitely is a crucial difference. Women after 50, Anderson agreed, are done. We have raised children if we had them and are now turning inward, pursuing passions beyond the boudoir.
Anderson enjoys oil painting and treasures her solitude. Beloved Canadian author Margaret Laurence wrote in Dance on the Earth; she couldn’t be a wife, mother and author, so she chose the last two. Like Anderson and Laurence, I prioritize. Beginning with writing, supporting women writers, and enjoying outdoor activities with my son. The chief complaint I hear from male friends is, “You’re so busy.” My inside thought is, Yes, with my passions, adhering to my natural rhythms.
There are as many ways to cater to that inner calling as there are women. I did not come to my present satisfaction in singlehood on a direct path. My route was littered with buffalo-sized speed bumps and torturous detours.
Married at 20 for only seven years, I slipped in and out of short-term relationships for the next two decades, driven to be coupled. I believed I was destined for a life-giving, mutually beneficial relationship in my mid-forties. After all, I had grown into a mature, confident, and vibrant woman. My confidence dived when at 48, I learned my dream partner bedded two other women on his trucking route. Facing life alone hit me hard on my 50th birthday. Mascara was not an option when dressing to attend the party for my nephew’s nuptials. After that day of tears, I moved into my single phase residing there comfortably for the last decade.
It took my 30s and 40s to revise the family and societal expectations of coupledom and discard my mother’s statement to me after my divorce at 27. “Find a man before you’re too old and ugly and no one wants you.” In talking with women over 50, many of us find one thing in common. If we ever did, we no longer capitulate to solely meet or fulfill others’ needs, some of us prioritizing our interests for the first time.
Now and for the past eleven-plus years, I want me. I am the only one to be irked if my kitchen table has become my second office utilizing a speedy acquisition flat surface filing system. I prefer my terminology over one partner labelling my technique, “flat surface disease.” My bedside table is littered with a bright light, three or more books and a scratchpad to capture middle-of-the-night inspiration.
Speaking with certainty for several of my peers, we are not into being a nursemaid without the previous investment of a shared life together. In a coffee club for singles over 50, women commiserated they were only meeting needy men who wanted nurses or caregivers for their grandchildren. There are different options for intimacy if so desired. Many older singles define coupledom differently by maintaining separate residences. That may appeal to even a hard-core loner like me, provided the one who wants to be significant in my life enjoys solitude and different pastimes. That is one way I might consider coupledom now.
Reference links in the body of the story above
St. Claire Book: https://www.amazon.ca/203-Ways-Drive-Man-Wild/dp/0517595338
Margaret Laurence Book Link: https://www.amazon.ca/Dance-Earth-Memoir-Margaret-Laurence/dp/0771047479
Learn more about Rusti:
Rusti L Lehay, a global editor and book and writing coach, created over 40 articles guiding writers to authordom. Witnessing writers find and speak in their own voice to serve the real boss, the audience, not the editor, is one of Rusti’s greatest joys. She offers bi-monthly online writing STAY-Treats and monthly lounges and teaches weekly creative writing classes. Her primary mission is to inspire, provide value and make writing fun and easy.
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Whether you’re a service-based provider, coach or consultant, if you’re running a business where you’re in service to others, you have a process or a series of processes you follow to deliver that service.
Documenting these processes is often undervalued by entrepreneurs, especially solopreneurs. They often have so many things to work on in their business, that this type of documentation takes a back seat to other forward-facing tasks.
When you document your process, you’re capturing on paper or in an electronic format, the series of steps or actions taken in a specific order to create a particular outcome.
Processes can include everything from onboarding clients or customers to more complex business operations like marketing and sales funnels. The number of processes in any business will vary by business type, business owner, and team size.
If you’re an entrepreneur who hasn’t yet started documenting your processes, here are reasons you should start today.
When you have an operational blueprint, you free up a ton of mental energy when executing specific business-related tasks. This allows you to have more cognitive bandwidth to put towards more creative parts of your business.
Having an estimate of what’s involved, allows you to better set project timelines. This provides you with a better estimate of your capacity to serve and take on more clients. This prevents those providing the service from taking on more work than they can handle.
When you know how much time, energy, and resources are involved in delivering a particular service, you can have more confidence in setting your prices.
Quite often when you don’t have a process documented you’re often delivering the service by memory. This leads to skipping steps, taking shortcuts, and sometimes experimenting with new methods which can slow down your delivery. When the process is documented and followed you can guarantee the quality of your service and take pride in knowing that you will have a satisfied customer every time.
When we reflect on our process and write it down, we often recognize missed opportunities to increase efficiency and improve quality. It also allows others to give us feedback and ask us questions that lead to improvement.
As you scale in your business you will onboard various team members. Having documented processes will save you time training someone else on your business operations and increases the productivity of your team overall.
Often overlooked, taking the time to document your processes starts the process of knowing what you need to cover in a course or program you may want to offer. The process offers you the opportunity to intimately know your own process so you can teach it to others.
For more reasons and tips for documenting your processes, take a listen to this interview I had with Mallory Petersen on EP 12 of the Scale Your Course Podcast.
If you’re not already, I bet you’ll be inspired to get started documenting your processes and eventually saving more time and money in your business.
Tracy Sherriff is a Certified Director of Operations and Curriculum Expert who helps coaches, service-based professionals, and other business owners successfully scale their business online with high-quality, high-impact courses and programs. You can connect with Tracy by visiting her website tracysherriff.com, or finding her on Instagram @tracy.sherriff
