Have you ever found yourself wrapped up in a misunderstanding and you really have no idea how you got there?
You thought you were doing everything in your power to communicate clearly and yet somehow things all went wrong?
It happens to all of us, and sometimes with frustrating regularity!
Whether the communication breakdown happens with our spouse, our kids, our co-worker, our mother-in-law, or some stranger we are interacting with for the first time, very often the source of the problem is the same.
We find it difficult to communicate because we all tend to make the same unhelpful assumption.
We all assume that others see what we see, feel what we feel, and think the way we think!
Unfortunately, we are often so attached to proving our point we are unable to see how the other person sees the world in a completely different way. We can forget that we all come from different experiences and therefore have different perspectives. And as a result, we all look at the world through different lenses.
How we see the world depends on our age, our gender, our socioeconomic status, our birth order, our marital status, our past experiences, our confirmation biases and so much more!
So with all that in between us how do we ever communicate clearly?
It's important to start seeing communication as more than just getting our point across, it's important to see communication as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Communication is about sharing our worlds with each other, the only way this can happen is if we remain open, curious, and nonjudgmental.
Instead of being so focused on being "right" or proving our point, a conversation, especially is we would call the conversation a "disagreement" is the perfect place to listen, to ask questions, and be open to feedback.
If our conversations are filled with assumptions it will lead to a place of hurt, confusion, misunderstanding, and anger.
So the next time you are in a conversation and you find it's heading south ask yourself :
* What assumptions am I making here?
So often we assume that the other person has had our same experiences and therefore have the same values and viewpoints as we do. But even in a family, siblings have had very different experiences growing up. So dig deeper and ask yourself things like, how are they different than me in gender, age, background, religion, marital status, etc.
(I often have to remind myself that the people I'm talking to didn't all grow up a small town in the middle of the Bible belt!)
* How might they be seeing this from a completely different viewpoint?
Having different experiences means we value different things. This results in us we put our focus in different areas and being triggered in different ways!
Growing up in a family that struggled financially with extremely hard-working parents means I have certain ideas about things like equal wages, living wages, the standard of living, and universal healthcare. But how would someone who grew up with different financial resources view these things? How might we clash not because the other is a "bad" person, or "wrong" but simply because we grew up looking at the world through completely different circumstances? What could I learn from someone whose early development years has been drastically different than mine?
* What is causing me to have my viewpoint?
What has influenced us to have the viewpoint we have? And how has the other person's experience been different than ours? Taking a look at how we build our viewpoint can often lead to some amazing self-awareness and open us up to seeing how others might be building their viewpoints!
* Where could they be giving different meanings then what I had intended?
We often think that words all have the same meaning - but clearly this is not so! If a wife asks a husband how she looks and he says "fine" you know they are interpreting that word completely differently lol!! So ask yourself, do the words I'm using have multiple meanings? How could the other person be interpreting the words I use in a way that might not be the way I intended?
* What are some questions I could ask to clear up the assumptions that I am making?
By asking questions you open up a bridge to the other person that allows you to understand where they are coming from and causes you to grow both as a person and in the relationship! So instead of worrying about getting your point across get curious about their viewpoint and how they got it! What is their background, what experiences have they had, what are their fears, what outcomes they are looking for, what things have influenced them? The list of questions goes on and on!
So the next time you find yourself in a conversation going south, get excited! This is an opportunity for you to learn, to grow and to practice building a bridge!
Meg Heppner is a Life Coach that helps women show up in the world with more authenticity, more confidence, more awareness, and more love.
To find out more about Meg’s work and to connect with her check out her website: realexcellentliving.com or send her a text at 1.204.384.9700
So, the unthinkable has happened and we’re forced to adapt - so much change, worry and uncertainty. Who would have thought we would be living through a depression & economic turmoil. Luckily, our leaders (and lenders) have stepped up to the plate and offered assistance for those who require it most. Here’s what you need to know about Mortgages right now and how the programs help you.
#1 - Deferred Mortgage Payments - Lenders have agreed to defer your mortgage payments on a case-by-case basis for up to 3 months; however, you are required to pay the interest on the loan and you will also be charged interest at the end for the extended period of time as well. A saving grace of this deferral program is that the lenders aren’t reporting the missed payments to the credit bureau so it will not show as a missed payment once this all blows over.
#2 - Document Requirements - Lenders are seeing the added risk involved in lending, thus requesting all documents be submitted up front with the pre-approval request; you’ll need to submit a recent pay stub, job letter (current-dated) and your last 2 years’ T4/T1G - in addition, Notice of assessments for the last two years (to show you are in good standing with government accounts) as well as any Tax receipts for the current year.
#3 - The Lending rate - Bank of Canada has been lowering their lending rate to help stabilize and perhaps
recuperate the economy. But, what you need to know is that just because the BOC decides to lower their lending rate, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will reap the benefits in your bank account. However, as enticing as the lower rates may seem, home buyers (it seems) aren't jumping in with the uncertainty in the market and global economic state. Is it really a favourable market to be house buying? Depends on your level of comfort. For those who currently own, a refinance might be a benefit and may outdraw the penalties involved (which is different for each lender). Find out what is right for you - the guidance of a mortgage professional can help you make sense of it all!
Want to know more? Follow me on the following social media accounts or link to my website:
Insta: www.instagram.com/kwdreammortgage
FB: @kwdreammortgage
Web: kwdreammortgage.ca
Sharon Abrego Mortgage Agent, Mortgage Alliance
kwdreammortgage@gmail.com
Completing my Diploma of Positive Psychology and Wellbeing gave me more than an education, it gave me an opportunity to live what I was learning. I applied interventions and activities to my own life before attempting to help others. My panic attacks became obsolete, my relationships improved, and my overall life satisfaction was higher than it had been in years. I was so excited to share what I knew with the world, so excited that I may have scared a few people away. I desired to convince people so desperately to come along with me that I may have scared some away.
Today, prioritizing wellbeing is essential - it’s the only option. If we are going to survive, we need to think and behave differently. We need to adapt to rise above the pandemic of the word. Today, positive psychology offers hope and optimism during times of struggle and isolation. Today, this message will not scare people away, but bring them closer.
Current world happiness and wellbeing is decreasing. Our normal has shifted. Our physical connection to each other – gone. The chance to hug – gone. The chance to engage in sports – gone. The freedom to travel – gone. The ability to go into work – mostly gone. With so much taken away, what will happen to our wellbeing? Will the human species let their happiness be stripped away? My best answer is, no. We will learn to adapt. We will shift our perspectives and connect in new ways.
Applying positive psychology and using strategies for living abundantly is no longer optional. Positive psychology is here to help you move along the continuum from functioning to flourishing. I have put together a few starting points for those of you looking to experience your life afresh. These will help you warm up by sitting next to the kindling fire. Understand that research is not a one size fits all. Each of you is responsible for managing your own science experiment. Try something new and measure your pre and post results to find what works best for you. Find your perfect place by the fire to roast your marsh mellow just the way you like it.
Here are a few suggestions:
1. Take a Strength Assessment. There are free ones and some that charge a nominal fee. VIA Character Institute, Strength Finders 2.0, and my personal favourite – Strength Profile. Once you have your results think about how your strengths can help you work towards improving wellbeing. As a certified strengths profile practitioner, I also offer one on one debriefs using the Strength Profile.
2. Feel some Positive Emotions. Decide what you can do within your space to feel something positive. Feeling positive emotions is essential. I suggest moving three areas to stir up some positive emotions: Your Heart, Your Mind and Your Body. You can move your heart by connecting to someone or writing someone a letter or email. You can move your mind by being curious or learning something new. You can move your body by stretching or running or using your body for weights.
3. Add some Mindfulness. Do a body scan, meditate, or take three deep breathes. No matter where you are, you have your breath and you can use it to create calm and ease in any situation. Mindfulness can be experience while riding a bike, walking or running. It’s a practice that simply involves focusing your attention.
With Love and Kindness,
Josephine Tite
Positivity Speaker, Consultant and Instructor
Certified Strengths Profile Practitioner
"Positivity is Contagious. Learn It. Live It. Share It. Serve."
www.positivitycentre.com
What a time in history this is! During these uncertain times, it’s important to remember there is no right way of doing things. Your experience is YOURS to have. That being said, there are certainly things to remember to help keep you afloat. Below are some gentle reminders that may help during this time.
Whether you are physically alone, or just feeling lonely, know that you are NOT alone and that we’re all in this together. Continue to reach out to your loved ones and to your community. And don’t hesitate to reach out directly if you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. We will get through this together!
Seja Ateia is a Life Coach. She helps her clients navigate through life changes to create more wholeness in their lives from the inside out. She is passionate about empowering people to become the best version of themselves to create a life they love. You can find her on Facebook or Instagram @sejaateia or email her directly at sejaateiacoaching@gmail.com.
We often get into life’s little ruts. Sometimes life is really easy and other times life gets really challenging. I recently had a time when I felt like I sucked at everything I did. Yes, I said SUCKED! That is a powerful word and it really encompasses the way I truly felt in my life at that moment in time. You see, as a Holistic Wellness Practitioner and Advocate, I help others with things like this yet somehow, I seemed to be struggling. February typically seems to be a challenging month for so many and I am no stranger to it. I decided to take my own advice and I was able to pull myself out of that rut.
There are many things that play a part in living with a healthy mindset, some of which include: eating right, exercising, getting adequate rest and managing stress, reducing toxic load, making informed decisions, and being proactive in your medical care. Addressing these areas in your life will ultimately lead to a healthy lifestyle, but sometimes looking at the big picture can be too overwhelming. So, I break them down into easy to manage steps. First, we must address the ‘stinkin’ thinkin’’.
There are two easy ways to do this:
1) Make a list of what you are great at.
We spend too much time looking at what we need to improve upon and not enough time looking at what we are already good at, using our strengths to move ourselves forward.
Here are some examples of my list (note that I included the negative, non-serving thought and replaced it with a positive reality):
2) Take an active role in eliminating your negative thoughts and feelings.
Here is the strategy to help deal with these real feelings when they pop up:
Be conscious and mindful of the negative thoughts and feelings, recognizing and accepting them for what they are; only thoughts and feelings, not reality.
“MINDSET” {noun}
-a set of beliefs or a way of thinking that determines one’s behaviour, outlook, and mental attitude.
Change your perspective.
How do you change these negative vibrations that do not serve you well into positive emotions that can help you move forward? POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS, my friends. For each negative thought that pops up, make a conscious effort to replace it with three positive ones. Sometimes it’s a huge effort to do this, but you must remain committed to the task until you find three.
Here is an example:
Negative thought: “I suck at everything I do.”
Positive affirmations: “I am an amazing mother, wife, and business owner.”, “I make a great lasagna.”, “I am great at folding laundry.”
These simple strategies will help you move past the, ‘I suck at...’ mentality and onto the, ‘I am amazing at...’ mindset.
What do you do when you have yucky feelings about yourself?
I find my tribe of people who love me for just being me and I borrow their love for me until I can get mine back.
Do you need to borrow someone’s love for you?
Josie LoPorto Freeborn, Founder of Freeborn Wellness, is a Certified Reflexology Healthcare Practitioner, Holistic Wellness Advocate, and an Essential Oil Educator specializing in stress management. She offers consultations in person in Windsor, Ontario or via telephone (text or call) @519-792-9111. She can be found on Facebook (Josie Freeborn’s Wellness from the Earth) or Instagram @oilyfreeborn
As a Mortgage Broker, I provide financial solutions to clients looking for a home, renewing their home, or those who would like to refinance to help ease cash flow. I tailor their mortgage to their specific needs.
What ignited the spark in you to start your business venture or to make significant changes in an existing business? How did the idea for your business come about?
I’ve always been one to care about and for people, and after being an executive assistant for many years I felt I needed a change but that I still wanted to help people just wasn’t sure in what capacity. So, I took a year off, stayed home with my kids, and did some soul searching. In the end my best friend’s mom planted the seed for me and I looked into it and fell in love with how much of a difference I can make in peoples lives.
What sets you apart from other entrepreneurs/companies in your line of work?
There are many Mortgage brokers out there, just like there are many real estate professionals. It really comes down to who you know you can trust and who you jive with, really. I can say that I am much more flexible with my hours than any bank branch could be. I can tell you that I have access to 35 lenders at any time, which allows me to tailor the mortgage to your short and long-term goals. As an added bonus, we can often beat the banks interest rates, keeping more money in your pocket!
What would you say are the top three skills needed to be a successful entrepreneur/business?
The top three skills needed to be a successful entrepreneur are in my opinion, time management, good listening skills and passion/compassion. In order to truly do well in what you love to do, you have to be passionate about it and helping those who require your services. Making time to connect with people on a level outside of business is important as well – building trust within a community is a great foundation for success. Ultimately if you are good listener and understand what your clients needs are, you are much more likely to succeed at fulfilling those needs.
What book has inspired you the most? (OR What is your favorite book?)
When I was an executive assistant, we had a speaker come into a conference I organized for the executives, by the name of Steve McClatchy, called decide. It had a profound impact because of his resilience and his triumph. It is a book about decision making and how easy and stress-less it can be to simple decide to do something and do it.
What accomplishment are you most proud of? (either for you as an entrepreneur, or your company)
I am most proud of the fact that I decided to make a change in my life in order to be happy. Ultimately, we are destined for happiness, and only we can control what we have in our lives that makes us happy.
What kind of culture exists in your organization? How did you establish this?
In our organization, we have a culture of helping other and sharing. When we have a client that has a difficult situation, we brainstorm and figure out together what options we have, so that as a collective, we can make sure that every stone has been turned in order to provide the absolute best product for the client. The more heads we put together, the better.
What sacrifices have you had to make to be a successful entrepreneur?
In order to become a successful entrepreneur, I have sacrificed many weekends without my family/kids, I have spent many hours working on files. I would say, however that my family have made the most sacrifices of them all. We were fortunate enough to have parents that were willing to move in to help take care of the kids and help keep the house intact while I pursued my new adventure into the unknown. For this, I am forever indebted and grateful. Like many other entrepreneurs perhaps, I can’t say that I financially set myself up to take a year without pay, and to still need to spend money to market myself. But the rewards are showing up and things will all work out in the end.
Excluding yours, what company or business do you admire the most?
I most admire a local business called ProActive Training – I joined this group of people to get into shape and man did this man change my life. He is a solopreneur and started out in a gymnasium and at local parks – putting together fun activities to get us fit. He’s a firecracker and has such a zest for life. So much so that this group that started out as 5-10 people now is a facility in downtown Galt (Cambridge) that has upwards of 250-300 paying members. He started from scratch. His office was the back of his truck, he drove around with kettle bells, ropes, weights, etc. in order to provide his mobile service. He is a true example of caring for people will get you abundance more than caring about a paycheck.
Sharon Abrego
Mortgage Agent
FSCO Lic # M19001998
Tel: (519) 221-7402
Email: sabrego@mortgagealliance.com
Web: https://www.mortgagealliance.com/SharonAbrego
That awkward question you have to answer when meeting with a financial professional “Do you know what your FICO score is?” makes most people cringe. Here’s what a credit score (and credit report) says about you and how lenders perceive you when considering your pre-approval application.
Let’s start with the basics – here is the FICO Credit score scale (and how they get to that score) so you can see where you should ideally be when applying for a mortgage (or any credit really). Lenders all have their own preference for where they want you to be in terms of credit score, which will also be a factor with what rate you are offered. Always aim to be in the green!
How to build a good credit:
With these basics you will be well on your way to a solid foundation for home-ownership approval!
Feel free to download the free MOPOLO Credit score checker app and type in my name and you can see what your score is! Visit www.mopolo.ca for more information on that.
I hope this information will help you get the courage to check your score and build a healthy credit report – if you need guidance in doing so, I am here to help!
Take Care ladies!
Sharon Abrego
Mortgage Agent
FSCO Lic # M19001998
Tel: (519) 221-7402
Email: sabrego@mortgagealliance.com
Web: https://www.mortgagealliance.com/SharonAbrego
Today I am grateful for this place in my journey as an artist. Being a visual artist, painting is my language for expressing my thoughts and experiences. So why try to speak in a different language?
That’s where gratitude comes in. Today my heart is overflowing with JOY, and the only way to let it flow and be expressed is through GRATITUDE. I wish I could speak every language there is and spread it across the universe. That is an easy enough and enjoyable task from a place of light and joy. But how do I express gratitude at those times when the emotional landscape is bleak and full of challenges?
I turn to find expression through the language of the soul, which is my art.
I always knew I wanted to be an artist, and chose to be one, but only recently realized the true essence and power of creating art from the soul. The dialogue between the art and the artist is a channelling of messages from the Universe, Spirit, or Higher self. What we call it does not matter; it is the Source of all creation. The inspiration might be different in each work of art, but there is one common message. “Look at the whole picture, the colours of happiness, the highlights of joy, and shadows of grief. It is in perfect balance. You can think of yourself as being stuck in any spot, and it is exactly where you are meant to be at this time in your journey. You can and will keep moving through this life. The only constant is change.” This has been so true, and I gain strength from each transition and every challenge, big or small.
In the words of the great artist Picasso, “ Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.”
I have made it my mission to make art a part of everyday life and give it a prominent place in the toolkit of wellness. That is my inspiration to keep creating and teaching art. The process of fluid art that I teach lends itself to so many processes that are enjoyable, transformative and healing.
Colour energy is accessed and energized in this process to balance the energy flow.
I am grateful for the tribe of beautiful souls that support me along this path and bring me a step closer to fulfilling my mission.
I can also see that grief and joy can be present in a person simultaneously, and that the sorrow in itself doesn’t need to spoil the joy. That for me is true JOY.
That is the place from which I express my gratitude.
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Sonal Raje
Blue Amber Arts
www.blueamberarts.com
blueamberarts@gmail.com
Sonal Raje is a visual artist in Guelph. She promotes expressive art through her teachings at the Wyndham art school and various workshops.
Follow her on Instagram, Facebook and MeetUp for information about upcoming events:
Facebook
Instagram
Meetup
In my world, every day is love day …. but it’s February and we have entered into the commercial love month, and soooooo many of us are getting triggered. Many of my clients are starting to feel the pull…for some it’s even worse than the stress of the Christmas / Hanukkah season.
If you’re in a relationship and it’s not going well, you’re gonna get triggered.
If you’re not in a relationship and you want one, you’re gonna get triggered.
If your relationship has recently ended, you’re gonna get triggered.
As more and more emails come into your mailbox talking about special deals to ‘meet the guy of your dreams’ or ‘meet with a love coach’ or ‘re-ignite your passion’… you wonder if your guy is gonna make it a romantic day or will he forget… or IS there a guy to make it the romantic day you crave?... and the pressure is on! Whatever your situation, you see the isles of the shops are lined with red hearts for Valentine’s Day... and you’re gonna get triggered!
Can we relax…. just a bit…take a nice, long, deeeeeep breath…
Ahhhhh. That’s better!
YES
We are born to love and be loved… to cherish and be cherished.
We crave it… desire it… fight for it....and…. no one gave us a good roadmap. And yes, it turns out there is a recipe after all. Okay it’s NOT the same for every woman or every couple, yet there are KEY ingredients that can make or break the union.
And guess what one of those key elements are?
Loving YOU. I know we’ve heard it before and most of us believe we DO love ourselves… and I’m sure we do… but I’m here to challenge you... to love yourself EVEN more than you EVER have before… and more than you ever thought you could. ‘Cause the truth is - there is ALWAYS more love we can give to ourselves.
So, for the month of love… whether you want to attract more love into your life, or you want to up-level the love relationship you have… My question to you is this… are you EMBODYING self-love? Only you can know if you are paying lip service or you are truly, deeply and wholly loving YOU to the fullest.
You may have some ideas by now. Your intuition may be nudging you with some insights and inspirations… follow those… your inner gps always knows…
If you’re coming up blank or not sure which way to go first… don’t worry. I got you covered…
Here are some must-do’s to get you started:
- Be Present to your intuition… she’s always loving
- Practice Self Care without GUILT
- Set boundaries… say NO when you mean no (lovingly not forcefully). Don’t say Yes when you really want to say NO and then convince yourself that you really do want it when deep down you know you don’t. This is downright damaging
- Get rid of energy drainers in your life and get protective of your energy… it’s sacred!
- Forgive yourself. I know… easier said than done but it’s truly magical making when you do. If you’ve done it, you know what I’m talking about!
- Take control of your inner voice. Allowing your thoughts to run on overdrive can bring you down… fast!
- Self-love is deeply connected to living well. It influences who you pick for a mate, whether you feel respected by your man, the image you project in your work life, and how you cope with the problems in your life. It is so important to your wellbeing. And I want you to know how to bring more of it… much more of it into your life.
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Josephine Carmela
Empowerment & Relationships
Award Winning Transformational Coach
NLP Practitioner and Creator of Modern Love Project
2017 Recipient of the Body Mind Award from Brilliant Minded Women’s Organization
Creator of ‘Feminology Workshop Series’ (Embodying our Fullest Potential As Modern Women)
www.josephinecarmela.com
1. Describe your business/career/what you do in a few sentences.
I am a life coach, blogger, and host events and workshops. My work is about creating a space where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - often without them even knowing it. Things like their everyday thoughts, their habitual emotions, and the stories they have had on repeat for so long they are no longer even aware of the consequences of those things. Then we work towards showing up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion and less judgment, more vulnerability and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear and uncertainty, more energy and less exhaustion.
2. What ignited the spark in you to start doing the work you do?
I have always been passionate about helping people - I think it must have started when I was a little girl and watched my parents struggle, both personally and as immigrants in this country. It ignited in me a massive desire to help people work through their suffering and move into a future that not only is more beneficial for them, but that gives people the opportunity to contribute in a beneficial way to the world around them.
3. What sets you apart from other entrepreneurs/companies in your line of work?
There are two things that I focus on and that is crucial to the work that I do. The first is acceptance of the reality that there is no grand utopia out there that if we reach it all our problems will go away. Instead, we live in the constant tension of who we are and who we want to be. And that is good news! The point is never to get rid of your problems the point is always to upgrade your problems! The second is that the purpose of bettering our lives is always so that we can make a bigger contribution to society. To those that are hurting and marginalized. Bettering our lives is never just for us, but so that we can be a larger beneficial presence in the world!
4. What book has inspired you the most? (Or what is your favorite book?)
Oh, this is such a hard question because I love so many and have been inspired by so many books! I would say any book by or about Milton Erickson would be at the top of the list, also anything by Erich Fromm. Of course, Ryan Holiday and Mark Manson have also had a huge influence on my thinking if you are looking for modern authors!
5. How have you changed since you started your work?
I have always been an introvert - and the idea of taking a leadership role terrifying me! But life gives you the challenges you need the most doesn’t it? Being entrusted with the most intimate thoughts and feelings of my clients made me step up and be there for them. To journey with them while they transform the way they experience their lives. They rely on me to lead them through that journey and it caused me to step up in leadership and feel comfortable there in a way I would never have thought possible!
6. Excluding yours, what company or business (coach?) do you admire the most?
I am absolutely in awe of Byron Katie! The work that she does and the way she can connect with the people who come to here is something that I just can’t get enough of! I also love how she runs her business with success being measured on how many people she helps, not on the bottom line!
