Collective Blog

Confidence has a funny way of turning into overconfidence, and nowhere was this more evident to me than the day I walked into the local Police College gym. As a seasoned marathon runner and a new triathlon enthusiast, I was no stranger to physical challenges. My legs had pounded more miles of pavement than I could count, and my lungs had weathered the burning winds of exhaustive cross-training. But as I sized up my competition that day, among the 40 women there, many of them younger than my 40+ years, I was about to get a lesson in humility — and eventually, in grit and resilience.

The Wake-Up Call:

The physical test I faced was a far cry from the long, steady burn of marathon running or the varied paces of a triathlon. I had scoffed at the idea of it being challenging, equating it to a mere half marathon — a distance I could usually cover with my eyes closed. That complacency was my undoing. The test demanded raw, explosive power: scaling walls, sprinting stairs, heaving weights, and dragging a 150-pound dummy. It was a gruelling gauntlet that left me spent, far behind the necessary completion time. My confidence crumbled. The sprint that followed was a testament to my drained reserves — I simply couldn't hit the required speed and time. I left the gym that day with a bruised ego, and my dream of becoming a police officer seemingly dashed to pieces.

Grit Rises from the Ashes:

But here's the thing about hitting rock bottom — the only way left to go is up. The next day, as the sun of defeat set and the dawn of determination rose, my true grit sparked to life. This was more than just physical strength; it was about mental toughness, the kind you don't know you have until quitting looks like the only option. I laid out a battle plan with a simple, unyielding objective: nail the physical test.

Every morning found myself at the high school track before the first rays of light crested the horizon. I sprinted to the soundtrack of shuttle run beeps, each step a defiant stomp against my previous failure. In the privacy of my office, with the door closed, I marked every hour with push-ups, starting from scratch and climbing in reps. My journey wasn't just about physical training; it was a mental transformation — from the inside out.

Confidence Rebuilt:

With each push-up, sprint, and bead of sweat, my confidence — true, hard-earned — began to rebuild. It wasn't the false assurance of past achievements but a new, solid belief in my current capabilities. It was confidence with a foundation of resilience, knowing that if I could push through this, adapt, and overcome, I could face any challenge.

A month later, the gym walls that once witnessed my defeat now echoed with the sound of my triumph. Not only did I complete the test, I crushed it. It was a victory not just for my physical abilities but for the indomitable human spirit that refuses to be defined by a single setback.

Grit and resilience aren't just about enduring; they're about redefining the boundaries of your potential. And confidence? It's not a trophy you're awarded; it's a medal you forge in the fire of your own will. That day, I didn't just pass a test — I redefined what I was capable of, and I've carried that lesson with me ever since.

To anyone standing before their wall, feeling spent and defeated: let this story be your starting gun. The race isn't over. It's just beginning.

There was a time when the world thought the 4-minute mile was impossible. Now go climb that wall!

Embrace boldness. Embody confidence.

As entrepreneurs we often feel like we must be doing all the things, and always be 'on'. Which often can lead to burnout... 

The importance of slowing down has been the biggest lesson I have learned over my past few years of entrepreneurship. It was also the main topic of my mastermind last week. 

The truth is if we are always running, rushing, and filling our time with tasks, we will burn out. Especially if we are filling our calendars with tasks that don't energize us. We have to make space in our days to slow down. 

My best ideas come from the slower moments. My energy comes from the slower moments. I attract more when I slow down! 

Learning to prioritize the slower moments is one of the things I would attribute my success to. In fact, last year I earned far more money and worked far less than previously years. I took more time to be intentional, to slow down, to spend more time with my kids and continued to take inspired action. I moved away from the hustle and the grind and found more joy in my days and in my work. 

This is what is meant by working smarter and not harder. And it works! Listening to what you need, knowing that there are seasons, and learning how you need to work through each of your seasons - that is what is going to help you the most!

My old paradigm told me that it was all hard work that would move me towards my goal - but that is just not true. Hard work is not the answer.  

So, schedule more time for slowing down. Make sure you do something every day to fill your own cup. You will be surprised at how much more you can accomplish!

 

We get to make the decision of how we are going to face our life, is it going to be through well-being or suffering. The choice between light or heavy. What we choose to carry out in the world and spread around. Choose joy. There are simple ways to connect to joy and even in the darkest of times there is a sliver of joy somewhere.

 

How to live a joy FULL life: 

1. Practice presence. Connect with your breath, you are alive.
2. Awareness of your surroundings. What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you smell?
3. Take time to be still and ask your heart to connect to the joy you have within.
4. Acknowledge the preciousness that each day brings.

 

There are times of difficulty in life but choosing what we put our focus on can change our perspective and outlook. Be still, do the work. These were words spoken to me a long time ago from a spiritual healer and they impacted my life profoundly. We can get so caught up in living our life and it unfolds in ways that we did not intend related to the needs of our family or whatever rents space in our head. We can forget to be still and tap into the joy we have in our heart space. Remember that the sun rising is a gift and the day offers you tremendous opportunity.

 

You have probably heard of flax seeds, but do you know all of its benefits? First let’s look at what they are made of. Flax seeds are rich in soluble fibre, lignans (which are a phytoestrogen that mimics estrogen), protein, and alpha lipoic acid (which is a type of omega 3 fatty acid). Let’s break these down a bit more;

• We need fibre every today to help us feel satiated, support regular bowel movements, support the growth of beneficial bacteria in our gut, assist in our detoxification process, reduce cholesterol levels, support heart health, and so much more! As a fibre rich source, it binds to toxins in the body and helps eliminate them through the detoxification process. When we are not passing bowel movements effectively, those toxins can stay in our intestines, which can increase the likelihood of them being reabsorbed in our body again, and that can have negative effects on our overall health.
• As a phytoestrogen, they are considered to be a “mild estrogen”. Flax seeds can help balance estrogen levels in the body by affecting estrogen metabolism. In perimenopause, 2 tablespoons of ground flax seeds have been shown to reduce vaginal dryness and hot flashes. But it doesn’t stop there! Flax seeds can also be helpful in other reproductive health conditions such as PCOS, where they can reduce androgen levels.
• Flax seeds are a great source of protein and fibre, which are both needed to promote satiety. This can help reduce cravings, prevent over eating, and help support weight loss goals.
• Its use in chronic conditions has been well known for years. Having a chronic condition can make activities of daily living hard and can affect your quality of life. There are many treatment options available, but flax seeds can play a huge role! Flax seeds have been shown to support blood sugar management in diabetes, reduce blood pressure, reduce cholesterol, reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, reduce the risk of heart attacks, lower the risk of breast cancer, and reduce the severity of arthritis symptoms.

It is best to prepare flax seeds as a grounded powder. I often recommend to grind flax seeds at home (you may grind enough for the whole week if that is easiest), and keep it in the fridge to prevent them from going bad. If you buy flax seeds pregrounded, ensure you look at the expiry date and don’t buy sources that have been on the shelves for multiple days.

If you don’t know where to start to add ground flax seeds into your diet, let me give you some tips;

• Add it on top of your oatmeal or yogurt
• Add them into your recipe for baking cakes and bread
• Incorporate them into your nutrient dense smoothie
• Add a tablespoon on your toast with nut butter

Let’s show some love to flax seeds!

Dr. Ishani Patel is a board certified Naturopathic Doctor who has a clinical focus in women’s health, hormones, digestive health, and autoimmunity. She is dedicated to helping her patients determine the root cause of their health concerns, help them find balance in their life, prevent disease or a worsening of their health conditions, and help them live their optimal state of health.

You can connect with Dr. Patel through her website drishanipatelnd.com, by email at ishanipatelnd@gmail.com, or reaching out to her on Instagram @drishanipatel.nd.

There are many approaches used in detoxification, but let me bust a myth for you. Detox does not have to be hard. You don’t have to take a bunch of supplements, be on a juice cleanse, or do cold plunges. 

How do you know if you need to detox? You may be experiencing;

• Acne
• Fatigue
• Eczema
• Food sensitivities
• Brain fog
• Headaches
• Anxiety
• Digestive issues 

 It can be easy to do with these 5 steps; 

1. High fibre diet: Eating a high fibre diet, with whole grains, vegetables, and fruit will help support your digestive health and reduce the toxin load in the body. Fibre specifically helps bind to toxins and eliminate them from the body, which reduces our toxin load. We also need to pay attention to removing foods that can affect our body’s ability to detoxify, such as processed/refined foods, alcohol, and caffeine. These foods make it hard for our body’s detoxification pathways (ex. liver) to eliminate toxins and chemicals from the body. Start off by focussing on foods that you should be eating; nutrient dense whole foods, fibre rich foods, vegetables, fruits, and whole grains.
2. Regular bowel movements: Our bowel movements are a major route of toxin elimination. Our body eliminates toxins, chemicals, and waste products through our stools, which not only supports our digestive health, but many other parts of the body. When we are not regularly passing stools, these harmful toxins are sitting in our large intestines, which increases the likelihood of reabsorption. If toxins are reabsorbed, it can cause inflammation, oxidative stress, increase toxin load in the body, and affect organ functioning. Lifestyle factors that can affect stool regularity can include a low-fibre diet, sedentary lifestyle, stress/anxiety, inadequate water intake, and a poor sleep quality. One way to add fibre and support regular bowel moements is through ground flax seeds; Try consuming 2 tablespoons of ground flax seeds with a sufficient amount of water.
3. Movement: When we exercise, we quickly notice an increase in our breathing and heart rate, which helps promote blood and lymphatic circulation, as well as sweating. As blood and lymph are moving through our vessels quicker, our body is able to move the waste products and toxins out of our body more effectively. Did you also know that exercise increases glutathione activity, which is a key factor in our detoxification process. As a bonus, if you walk outside it provides a great source of oxygen to our cells and support lung health; our lungs are also involved in detoxification, so don’t forget to support our lungs.
4. Adequate hydration: Keeping up with your hydration everyday is crucial in supporting natural detoxification pathways through your kidney and bowels. The kidneys help remove toxins in the blood, as well balance mineral and electrolyte levels. Your bowels help ensure you are eliminating waste and toxins regularly. Generally, adults are recommended to drink 2-3 L/day. If you are having trouble keeping up with your water intake, use a measurable water bottle to help you keep track, or try adding lemon or basil to your water to make it more enjoyable!
5. Supplements: Supplements can be great, but they will never replace a bad lifestyle. If you are considering supplements, it is important to utilize them under the supervision of a health care provider to ensure they are safe for you to take. There are many supplements that can help support the natural detoxification process, as well as support all of the organs involved in detoxification (skin, lungs, digestive tract, kidneys, and liver). Some supplements that I have utilized in my clinical practice have been N-acetylcysteine, Glutathione, B Vitamins, and Vitamin C. In the day and age we live in, our detoxification processes may need a bit of help. Start off by listenening to your body, getting advice from a health care practionner, and picking options that work the best for you.

Dr. Ishani Patel is a board certified Naturopathic Doctor who has a clinical focus in women’s health, hormones, digestive health, and autoimmunity. She is dedicated to helping her patients determine the root cause of their health concerns, help them find balance in their life, prevent disease or a worsening of their health conditions, and help them live their optimal state of health.

You can connect with Dr. Patel through her website drishanipatelnd.com, by email at ishanipatelnd@gmail.com, or reaching out to her on Instagram @drishanipatel.nd.

First, answer these questions for yourself:

• If you used to have a routine that worked for you, what was that?
• What are the main things that are stopping you from reinstating that habit?
• Do you need a new routine or habit due to retirement, career, or work schedule changes?

Second, I must confess I refuse to acknowledge the idea of writers' block.
In her book Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert suggests you indulge in an affair with your art. This comes from her sage advice not to make your art pay for your life. That will take the joy out of your creative time. However, stealing time to be with your mistress or your mister, a.k.a. your art, can reinvigorate you on a regular basis. Treat this captured time with your mistress as a sacred ritual and treasure every moment.

To begin anew with the writing routine, draw a very simple three-box chart with coloured markers or crayons. Above each box, write “I promise to write for at least five minutes.” For now, you’ll leave each box empty inside. Choose three days that will be unobstructed for the times that you choose. Some of you will be morning or evening writers or coffee shop afternoon writers. Set out your tools or prepare your desk if you’re writing at the computer. Make sure your journal and favourite pen are where you will first go in the morning, whether for coffee, tea or water. Nestle into your writing spot or your office chair. Fulfil the promise you made to yourself. If you need to use a timer, go ahead. It’s best if any timer you use is separate from your phone, which is always full of distractions.

Remember, you can always write more than five minutes. Assure yourself that you only have to keep your pen moving or your fingers tapping for five minutes. Once you’ve done your five minutes or optional extra time, you must raise your hands up in the air gloriously. Imagine that you’ve just won a gold medal. Now celebrate with a large woohoo!!! This activates the dopamine in your own brain as a reward. This is a vital part of fulfilling the promise to yourself. This is superior to a temporary dopamine hit from buying an item, even if essential. Most people find that the joy of a purchase fades away quicker than dust motes under a cloud obscuring the sun.

The next important step is to be honest with yourself. If you have a vicious or harsh internal critic, immediately put your writing away without looking at it for a minimum of five days. After a long dry spell of not writing, I promised myself to leave the phone in the kitchen at night and not touch it in the morning until I had written. It took me about 16 days before I liked anything I had written. As this was more than six years ago, I do not remember if my internal critic showed up or if writing simply felt like work after so long being away from a writing routine. I do remember that I often went to my journal those mornings empty-minded. I now swear by routines, making regular writing a muscle memory, and the words just flow.

After you successfully meet your promise of writing for three days, you can renew your promise, three days at a time. If you need a break between, take no more than one or two as long as you promise to renew until you reach that magic number of a cumulative 21 days. I can almost guarantee you will be well on your way to a writing routine if you’ve never had one or a renewed vigour for your writing.

What do I mean above by empty-minded? Now, I never go to my writing time
unprepared. Gather some prompts that inspire ideas or match your guidelines, plot, storyboard or memoir goals, blogs, or whatever you want to write regularly. Facing theblank page can be a little bit like the divine being before the earth was populated with all the wonders of today. To assist with those first prompts, I will leave you with some of my favourite trigger prompts I have used more than once.

• Two or three things I know for sure…
• What historical event would you like to have witnessed?
• Packing for the future ( Lorna Crozier poem title, great prompt )
• Awakened by silence…
• Imagine the moment of your conception
• Write a letter to yourself from a character in the past when they are your current age. For example, if you are writing from your mother, imagine her writing a letter to you when she was the age you are now. (I promise this has often resulted in one or more epiphanies, deep forgiveness, and healing for me.)

If you want to know more about cultivating a writing habit or squashing writer’s block, reach out. Click here for an expanded Habit Creation Program to create a writing routine. There is also the Monday Writing/Co-working Space. Click here for a short video where I talk about bending prompts to your will and subject matter.

Rusti L Lehay, a global editor and book and writing coach, created over 40 articles guiding writers to authordom. Witnessing writers find and speak in their own voice to serve the real boss, the audience, not the editor, is one of Rusti’s greatest joys. She offers bi-monthly online writing STAY-Treats and monthly lounges and teaches weekly creative writing classes. Her primary mission is to inspire, provide value and make writing fun and easy.

Learn more about Rusti

It was the beginning of March 2023. I was in Las Vegas for a mastermind—a powerful mastermind that would change my life. I was elevating, stepping into a newer version of myself... and then I had a few too many drinks, and old ways of thinking crept back in.

The next day, I wasn’t hungover. I felt shame—an awful feeling.

It wasn’t as though I had a drinking problem; it had been quite a while since the last time I lost control. But there was one thing in common: shame that I felt the next day. Embarrassment.

I dug into this emotion. Why was this coming up? I hadn’t done anything wrong. I hadn’t done anything bad. I just indulged a little too much.

The shame came from parts of my past that I thought I had forgiven myself for. Turns out, I hadn’t. The thoughts in our subconscious minds have a way of presenting themselves.

The shame also came from my perception of who I was being in those moments versus the woman that I was trying to embody—the old me versus the new me. The resistance.

This is a part of the story that I haven’t openly shared before. But as I am coming up on my one-year anniversary of deciding to be a woman who doesn’t drink alcohol, I think it is important to share.

March 11, 2023, was the last time alcohol passed my lips. And it was the easiest decision of my life.

I want to flash back to about 6 months before I made this decision because I think this is important too—no matter what decision you may be avoiding.

I had the idea that the person I wanted to become didn’t drink. And she definitely didn’t drink more than one glass of wine with a meal. That was the image I had in my mind of myself with my goal achieved. This was personal to me because of who I wanted to be and what I needed to let go of from my past. I was struggling to step in to her. One glass sometimes would turn into two. There were a few times where I did lose control.

But I didn’t make the decision to stop completely because of the stories I held onto.

That story about ‘it's only one glass of wine.’ That story about ‘will people understand.’ That story about ‘if I give up alcohol, they will think I had a drinking problem.’ That story about ‘what will I do at parties.’

Those stories were all BS. Completely.

Once you make a decision that is aligned with the person who you desire to be, aka your higher self, everything works out.

No one questioned my decision. People were incredibly supportive. I inspired other people to make the same decision, which in turn has changed their lives for the better. I have been attracting more and more people who also have made the decision not to drink into my life.

The morale of the story - no matter what decision you face, if it is going to align with your higher self, the person you want to be, and help you step into your self-image and become the person who is achieving your goals, you owe it to yourself to eliminate the BS stories that you are creating. This is your life. These are your goals. The truth is, if you think people will judge you, that is on them, not on you. And what will likely happen is if you make a committed decision and stick to it, you will find that you are so incredibly supported.

If there are decisions that you are struggling with, or you aren’t sure of the image you want to step into of your next level self, reach out. I would be happy to hop on a complimentary discovery call and see if I can help you with some clarity and direction.

To your limitless potential and stepping into who you desire to be,

Kayleigh Kennedy is the Founder and Mentor of Limitless Coaching. Contact Kayleigh at hello@kayleighkennedy.com or follow her on Instagram @thekayleighkennedy

Hello dear HHW Global community!

As we greet the rejuvenating season of spring, I find myself reflecting on growth - not just the blossoming around us, but our personal journeys of expansion and transformation. Let's explore this together, through the lens of my own story and the wisdom of Ayurvedic elements.

Embracing Growth: The Plant Analogy:

Consider a thriving plant. When it outgrows its pot, we don't hesitate to transplant it into a larger one, giving it room to flourish. This simple act of changing containers is a powerful metaphor for personal and professional growth. Just like the plant, we too need space to expand, to reach our full potential.

My Journey of Expansion:

When I first embarked on my solo journey as a Reiki master teacher, the world of business was uncharted territory for me. I felt like a seedling in a small pot, yearning for space. Joining the HHW community was my way of stepping into a bigger container. This leap not only nurtured my growth as a Reiki practitioner but also as a solopreneur. It was a transformation that resonated deeply with the essence of Reiki - flowing with life's energy and embracing change.

 

The Ayurvedic Elements:

Ayurveda, often referred to as the sister science of Yoga, is an ancient holistic healing system from India. It emphasizes the balance of body, mind, and spirit through the understanding of the five elements – Earth, Water, Fire, Air, and Ether. These elements represent different aspects of our existence and align with specific chakras, reminding us that growth is multidimensional. For instance, 'Earth' grounds us in stability, 'Water' nurtures our adaptability and emotional well-being, 'Fire' fuels our ambitions and transformative energy, 'Air' symbolizes movement and change, and 'Ether' connects us to the expansive, spiritual aspects of the universe.

Spring Awakening: A Time for Elemental Harmony:

This spring marks a special time in our collective journey - an opportunity to embrace the spirit of renewal and growth, aligning ourselves with the natural rhythm of the universe. As part of our Spring Awakening series, we will embark on a profound exploration of these Ayurvedic elements, each linked to specific chakras and meditations. This is more than just a learning experience; it's a transformative journey, allowing us to find our larger pot, where our roots can delve deeper and our branches can stretch higher. For more details about the series and how to be a part of this elemental harmony, please click here. Join us every Wednesday at 7:55 pm, from April 3rd to June 19th, as we embrace the renewing energies of Earth, Water, Fire, Air, and Ether, fostering holistic growth and balance.

As we each navigate our path towards a larger container for growth, let's draw inspiration from the Ayurvedic elements. These ancient elements guide us in fully embracing our potential, reminding us that growth is a harmonious blend of understanding and aligning with the natural forces within and around us. In our 'Spring Awakening' series, we'll explore this synergy between the timeless teachings of Ayurveda and the enduring wisdom of Reiki. Together, these practices offer a holistic path to growth, balance, and well-being. Join me in this journey as we transcend our boundaries and flourish in this season of renewal and awakening. Here's to growing together in harmony and wisdom!

 

Nasreen, a Reiki Master Teacher and founder of Japan Reiki Studio, is also the Canada chapter head of the Japan Reiki Association. She introduces women to self-care and energy work through her Wellness Reiki Circle, a first step in their transformative journey. With a philosophy of 'me first, then everyone else,' Nasreen emphasizes self-healing as essential for empowerment. A former skeptic turned passionate practitioner, she dedicates her life to teaching, healing, and life coaching, aiming to elevate vibrations and spread resilience and positivity.

Learn more about Nasreen

February, the month of love. Valentine’s Day has passed and with it the roses are drying, the chocolates are consumed, and the jewelry is worn or it’s found a home in the jewelry box. Lovely, but all temporary things. In life we see events unfold in our personal sphere and we cannot always control it all. What we can control is how we handle it. Lead with love. How do we do this?

 

1. Demonstrate love and kindness for yourself.
2. Take pause before speaking to others and see if what you are about to communicate is coming from a place of encouragement and support.
3. Praise others when you see a job well done, or the effort they have put into their work.
4. Avoid gossip and the need to compete.
5. Be quick to forgive wrongs done.

 

Remember, you are your most valuable asset and it is essential to invest in you. Take personal inventory of what you like and don’t like then show yourself compassionate acceptance. Next to grace, make an honest plan on how you can nurture yourself in all parts. Understanding the importance of developing self love and acceptance is key to moving forward in life and business. It enables you to be firm in your boundaries and to identify what is acceptable in other relationships. Love that genuinely comes from deep within automatically flows out and spreads to others. As leaders and entrepreneurs leading with love will build a stronger community.

 

Christie enjoyed a long career in nursing and is now pursuing her passion in self development. Wellness Haven and Health offers Life Skills Coaching, Happiness Coaching, and Neurodynamic Breathwork. Encouraging self empowerment for all clients with a focus on the seven principles of wellness.

Learn more about Christie

How do you stand out in a world saturated with images? As business owners, we have to navigate the strange digital space where young girls eating spaghetti on camera go viral while we struggle showing up in a professional and engaging way. For many of us who are used to be behind the camera, the prospect of putting ourselves in the spotlight can be downright daunting.

As a seasoned portrait photographer specializing in headshots and glam portraits for camera-shy women, I'm in awe of the transformative power of embracing one's unique beauty. Time after time I watch people going from shaking at the idea of being photographed to standing up a little taller, a little more confident at the end of the process. At the risk of sounding pretentious, I’ll say that professional photography can truly change your life.

So what’s the significance of capturing individuality in headshots and how it can be a game-changer for those who prefer to stay behind the scenes?

IMAGE: Melissa Pancini - Nutritional Consultant - Metabolic Balance

Finding Your Superpower

In headshots and personal branding portraits, the goal is not to conform to societal expectations but to celebrate the unique features and qualities that make you one of a kind. From the subtle lines etched by time and every gray hair to the captivating stories reflected in the eyes, the confidence of embracing these distinctive elements is what sets you apart.

Personal branding journey is a long one, and it takes both time and money to nail it down. When you’re ready, hiring an expert to help you discover your USP (unique selling point) is a great investment. If you’re not ready yet, you can simply ask your friends: what am I really good at? Why do they like being around you?

People might have different answers and different perspectives, but it will surely give you some food for thought. You can get clarity on what qualities to focus on, and how to bring them forward through imagery and copy.

The Power of Individuality in Personal Branding

Your personal brand is an extension of who you are – your story, your values, and the essence of what makes you you. Capturing individuality in portraits for your business goes beyond showcasing a polished exterior; it's about conveying authenticity, relatability, and the genuine essence of your personality.

Figuring out your USP can be a revelation – especially if you don’t like being on camera. Knowing you don’t have to act or pretend to be someone you’re not is liberating. When you’re aligned with your authenticity, showing up online – and on camera – suddenly becomes fun instead of a burden. You can see personal branding portraits as an opportunity to step into the spotlight on your own terms. It's not about conforming to a preconceived notion of beauty; it's about boldly asserting one's identity and owning every facet of it.

 

IMAGE: Jennifer Beale – Connector, Community Builder, Award Winning Networker

The Reasons Behind Camera Shyness

As a logical thinker, I always try to understand the underlying reasons behind people’s feelings and actions. As a photographer, understanding why some individuals shy away from the camera is crucial in creating a comfortable and empowering photography experience. At the end of the day, not liking photos of oneself is rarely just a matter of personal preference – more often, it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Here are some common deep-seated reasons that contribute to camera shyness.

Distorted Self-Perception: Many people struggle with their self-image feeling like they don't meet societal standards of beauty. Comparing yourself to others and the fear of being judged can be difficult to battle if one struggles with their self-esteem.

Perfection Paralysis: We can be unnecessarily hard on ourselves trying to live up to unrealistic expectations of being perfect. Then, we get caught in a trap of excuses that we’re waiting for the perfect moment that is unlikely to come. “When I will lose a few pounds…”, “When I’m less busy…”

Negative Reinforcement: Sadly, many of us grew up in less than perfect environment where we were made to question our looks and self-worth. A random mean comment made in high-school can be more detrimental than we realise – something to unpack and to deal with. If not for photography, then for your own well-being.

“Cheese” orders: please don’t make your kids smile and say “Cheese!” when they don’t want to! Parents forcing their kids to perform on camera is one of the most common reasons for people to develop a distaste for being photographed in adulthood.

The Outdated Beauty Standards Conundrum

For two years, I’ve been running a photography campaign – the 40 Over 40 project – where I photographed women 40+ of all backgrounds, shapes and sizes. As a part of the process, I took interviews asking about their experience of being over 40 and how they felt about the societal beauty norms.

The answers I got were unanimous: the outdated beauty standards have plagued society for far too long. The cookie-cutter expectations of what is considered beautiful have left countless people feeling inadequate and uncomfortable in their own skin. The tide is shifting, albeit ever so slowly, to embrace beauty in a more inclusive way, accepting that it does not exist in any specific shape or size. As a photographer, I see my mission to help the change, challenging the outdated norms and redefining beauty through my lens.

Provoking Change Through Professional Portraits

As a photographer who has worked extensively with camera-shy individuals, I've witnessed the profound impact that embracing oneself can have on self-esteem and confidence. It's not just about taking a pretty picture; it's about sparking a transformative journey towards self-acceptance.

In a world that often values conformity over individuality, personal branding portraits serve as a visual rebellion. It's a statement that says, "I am more than meets the eye, and I refuse to be confined by outdated beauty standards." By taking sides against societal norms, we can provoke a positive change in how beauty is perceived and celebrated.

IMAGE: Hilda Gan – RN, MHSc, CHRL - President and Chief People Officer of People Bright Consulting

The Empowering Experience of a Photo Session Done Right

So, how does one go from camera-shy to camera-confident? The answer lies in the collaborative and empowering experience of a professional photoshoot where your X factor – your USP or your superpower if you will – takes the central stage.

If there is one important thing that will truly determine the success of your photo session, it’s your confidence and trust in your photographer. Everyone’s process is different. I personally believe that the factors below are essential pieces of the puzzle, where the photo session itself is just one part:

Consultation: a planning session before the photoshoot to discuss your personal brand, your story, and your vision sets the tone for a personalized and meaningful photography experience.

Wardrobe styling: your fashion choices help expressing your X factor, however not everything that looks good photographs as well. It’s a big relief to know that the outfits you’ll bring will help you look your best.

Hair and Makeup: for camera-shy people, it’s a gamechanger. Natural or glammed up, it’s all about making you feel more confident and camera-ready.

Guided selection: a step often overlooked, the process of selecting your images is a critical part. Being able to compare images side by side and having a second opinion from the artistic perspective ensures that you will make the best choices.

IMAGE: Nancy Gordon and Fredene Plouffe, Real Estate agents with Royal LePage

Final Thoughts

In a world where individuality is often overshadowed by societal norms, personal branding portraits offer a unique opportunity to reclaim one's narrative and capitalize on your X factor.

To those who shy away from the camera, I invite you to challenge the status quo. Step into the spotlight, not as a conformist to outdated beauty standards, but as a trailblazer redefining what it means to be truly beautiful. Your story is waiting to be told, and through the lens of professional portraits, you have the power to tell it authentically, boldly, and unapologetically.

 

Veronica is the owner of Vongue Art Photography - a full-service portrait studio in Toronto specializing in headshots and personal branding. Veronica's mission is to help camera-shy professionals look and feel their best in photos, and capture you the way you want to be seen. You deserve to have portraits that make you feel beautiful and proud!

Learn more about Veronica

It's an unsettling sensation, feeling like you're out of your depth, as though you're pretending to be someone you're not. Imposter Syndrome (IS) is that nagging voice that whispers, "You shouldn't be here. Everyone will figure out you don't belong." The irony is, often this sensation doesn't stem from others' judgment but from our internal expectations and ego.

The Myth of "Should"

Central to imposter syndrome is the notion of "should." I should know this. I should be better. I should have achieved more by now. These statements reveal more about our expectations than about our actual competencies or the reality of the situation.

When we're starting in any new field, be it a job, hobby, or life change, there's an intrinsic period of learning. We're beginners, and there's an entire journey ahead filled with mistakes, lessons, and growth. Yet, our ego doesn't always let us comfortably inhabit that beginner space. We want to skip ahead to the part where we're experts, competent and confident.

The Ego's Fear of Being a Beginner

The ego is all about maintaining a sense of identity and pride. It doesn't like the feeling of being "lesser than" or inexperienced. Consequently, when we find ourselves in a position of learning or when we're out of our comfort zone, the ego panics. It tells us we're frauds and that we're not good enough.

Everyone taking a writing course has heard the phrase, Show, Don’t Tell.
It can grate on a person. Personally, I don’t worry about it anymore. I say that at the risk of frustrating you even further – with my apologies. This might be the best tip I ever received from a favourite university professor: “Read good writing and you will absorb the skills by osmosis.”

In her book House By The Sea, May Sarton says, “Every writer has to develop a thick skin.” While I promote that focussing on positive and uplifting feedback will allow any chaff to fall away (paraphrasing and agreeing with Julia Cameron), we, as writers, must also make choices with the comments we receive. Be strong enough to allow all feedback that fails to notch perfectly into our ideas for writing to fall on deaf ears when we are finding our voice and developing our confidence. Writing, for me, if I’ve learned anything from my writing style, is a muscle that can be toned, built, and made stronger by working out regularly. Find your friendly readers who read the genre and style you write in, and teach them how to give you feed-forward comments (the kind that encourage and excite you to continue in your craft). Remember Kurt Vonnegut’s wisdom, “If you open your writing to the window of the world trying to please everyone, your writing will come down with pneumonia.” Know who your audience is and write for them.

When “show, don’t tell” irks you or leaves you confused, take heart, it is one of the most frustrating things to try to explain in words. I must show you, so how do I do that?
At the risk of hubris, I am going to attempt to show with a personal writing sample:

Telling: I spend too much time distracted and not present. I reject the demand to follow external dictates obediently and refuse medical advice. I’m a rebel. I focus on what’s in front of me. I seek a comfortable way to hold my pen. 42 words

Showing: All this conjecture on my past mistakes creates endless rabbit holes and diversions from this present moment. This moment tells me a trajectory demands a follower, and just as I jumped off the factory assembly line of medicine, I can, with a mind on the moment, choose a path I set for myself. The challenge is to keep the minutiae of life at bay and maintain a corner of my mind on the cool air on my face, my feet in their slippers touching the floor, and my hand holding this pen in a way my 63-year-old body tolerates. 95 words

I now admit I am second-guessing myself if I am really showing in the longer sample above. You tell me – where have I shown, and where are the telling statements? What have I shown you, or what can you deduce from the showing example that isn’t in the telling example? Showing invites a reader to make their deductions and conclusions.

Remember that telling is also a vital part of some writing, for certain characters for the writer’s intent. Yet showing can increase reader engagement and can stop a reader in their tracks to ponder some new enlightenment that would not have passed through to their consciousness if they were told to believe it. The best writing shows a path, a new way of thinking, or how a complex character struggles to make it through the day. Showing allows your readers to draw upon their own experience and meld it with your characters, or root for the villain when they are shown his or her backstory.

It’s like the playground teeter-totter, some showing, some telling. Now, what and how do you include more showing? One clue is the word count, but not always. Showing will usually make the writing more accessible and gripping, increasing its ability to convey a message.

Here are my top five tips for Show, Don’t Tell:

Tip #1. Dialogue, which is probed in depth in my Author #46 resource article. The dialogue tags scolded, whispered, and shouted all show the speaker's various states of mind. The action and body language of the speakers further shows the reader more about the characters in the scene. Crafting dialogue is a great tool to show when a character is angry and not just tell the reader.

Telling: “My mom was angry.”

Showing: “Rusti Lee-Anne Lehay, you will tell me the truth this instant. Did you destroy that classroom?” She glared at me without blinking. I dared not look away.

You can reveal a huge amount of backstory, create curiosity in a few words, show the character and the speakers' feelings, and convey the scene's mood.

Tip #2. Utilize all the senses. Not only is this a great tool for showing, but everyone is a different kind of learner; some are visual, many are auditory, fewer are kinaesthetic and even fewer are gustatory or olfactory. When you use language that brings in the five senses, you are engaging the reader to reach into their sensing and can evoke their memories and past sensations and bring them into the moment you create on the page. You want the readers not just to intuit what is happening but to smell, touch, taste, hear, and see the world of your characters.

Telling: The smoke alarm woke him.

Showing: Bolting up to a sitting position, groggy and momentarily confused, he identified the blaring whistle of the kitchen smoke detector. Running downstairs, coughing on the smoke floating through the kitchen doorway, he found his mother cooking, confused at her son’s anger and asking him, “What is that noise?”

We don’t need to see him getting out of bed or the room, as we can imagine that middle action. The mother’s dialogue hints at mental illness or dementia. His anger can leave you, concluding this isn't the first time or that his anger erupts out of fear, frustration, or responsibility. You choose. The writing doesn’t tell you everything but shows you enough to make your conclusions and draw you into wanting to know more.

Tip #3. Make your verbs, adverbs, and adjectives work hard to describe scenes.

Telling: My son’s father played the guitar.

A basic sentence delivering information. There is no emotion, no real sight.

Showing: My son’s father sensuously (carefully, gently, lovingly) cradled the wide-hipped Ovation hussy in his lap, his fingers alternated from plucking single strings to open-handed slapping all six to create a percussion of melodious chords vibrating through the blaring speaker.

The basic information is amplified by sight, specific verbs and adjectives to modify sound, and maybe even a bit of emotion. Did you catch the word that communicates a feeling? Discuss carefully. Does this passage need the adverb? Does sensuously add anything to the showing? Or does it add too much?

The only concrete time I have found an adverb that completely changes the meaning of the verb it modifies is this sentence: “The boy’s arm was severed. The boy’s arm was partially severed.” A gross graphic, tragic example, I know. I welcome anyone to find me a better adverb example.

Description with adjectives can be overdone, and the clue there is when it sounds like a witness report instead of a story. “He had brown, shaggy, shoulder-length hair in a black leather jacket with silver buckles, in Levi faded jeans and black cowboy boots with silver spurs.”

Tip #4. Be just a little bit obscure with enough exactness to allow the reader to pull the picture together.

If you think to tell, “I felt like this only once before,” and want the reader to guess what the feeling was like, you will most likely lose them. Sit down, focus, and describe the feeling and the scenario that created that feeling. Just know that books that show everything can be exhausting, allowing no time to relax into being told what is going on. Balance the description with some expository writing. ( I think I will ask AI for some book examples that show almost everything and books that tell almost everything and still have gained some notoriety.)

Telling: I felt tired.

Showing: I gasped for breath; my legs felt starved of air, and the forty-pound pack was biting into my shoulders and hips. Would these switchbacks never end?

There is a great book called Self-editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King, and I personally love Craft in the Real World: Rethinking Fiction Writing and Workshopping by Matthew Salesses. He includes 34 revision exercises that are invaluable.

Tip #5 Develop your setting. What are your characters doing in the setting, why are they there, and how are they interacting with their setting? Can your readers picture themselves where your character is in the scene? Give them enough, but not so much that they can’t see their own idea of the mountain.

Telling: She hiked up the mountain trail.

Showing: She tightened the hip and shoulder straps, puffing around the switchbacks with steep drop-offs, knowing a loose pack swaying at the wrong moment could throw her off balance and plummet her over the edge. She pulled her gloves on, fighting the frosty morning air.

What do you see in the showing that wasn’t in the telling?

Anton Chekhov illustrates “Show, Don’t Tell” best: “Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass.”

One more random example.

Telling: It was a cold day to be hungry. (statement)
Showing: Shivering, she crumpled up the paper and gathered some dry twigs, adding the tinder to the tiny flame; she anticipated the welcomed warmth after a day tramping in the snow, hoping one of her traps yielded something for supper. (showing, in a run-on sentence, mind you, but showing)

**
After completing the above, I asked AI to Illustrate in great detail the top five tips for “Show, Don’t Tell” in creative writing. This is what it delivered and it is unedited:

"Show, don't tell" is a common phrase in creative writing that means that instead of simply stating what's happening or what the characters are thinking or feeling, the writer should use descriptive language and action to show the reader. This technique makes the writing more engaging and allows the reader to experience the story more fully. Here are the top five tips for "show, don't tell" in creative writing:
1. Use sensory details: Instead of telling the reader that a character is happy, show them by describing the way the character smiles, laughs, or moves. Use sensory details like smells, sounds, and textures to help the reader imagine the scene.
2. Use action: Instead of telling the reader that a character is angry, show them by describing the way the character slams doors or clenches their fists. Use action to help the reader understand the character's emotions.
3. Use dialogue: Instead of telling the reader what the characters are thinking or feeling, use dialogue to show it. Let the characters express their emotions through their words and actions.
4. Use metaphor and symbolism: Instead of telling the reader that a character is sad, show them by using a metaphor or symbol to represent the character's emotions. For example, a character might be described as a "wilting flower" to show their sadness.
5. Use pacing: Instead of telling the reader that a scene is tense, show them by using pacing to create suspense. Use short, choppy sentences to build tension, and longer, flowing sentences to release it.
Remember, "show, don't tell" is all about engaging the reader's senses and emotions, so use descriptive language and action to create a vivid and immersive story.

**End of AI-generated text.**

Okay, I admit, I am a little envious and chagrined that I neglected to mention pacing. I do love talking about the variety of sentence structure and length that build a rhythm into the text and create urgency or a lull.

When is “Telling" a preferred technique?

Telling is cutting corners but is sometimes necessary to achieve your objective. There are times to expose an aspect of the plot quickly, spell out a character's motivation, or offer a big reveal that leads to a rise in action, a character shift where complexity requires you to show rather than tell. The beginning of stories might require some telling to arrive at the hook that draws the reader. I like novels like that and others, I give them 50-75 pages to hook me. After that, I will allow myself to put the book down. There are too many good books, and life is too short to waste time with poorly written books.

As stated above, it is all about balance. Do some telling, some showing, and write. If you worry about breaking rules or not meeting some externally imposed guidelines, your words will shy away from landing on the screen or page. If your writing intrigues and pulls in your audience, definitely stop worrying. Remember, writing rules are often like grandmotherly advice. Take what you can use and apply, what fits your strategic objectives for your narrative, and store away the rest when and if it ever becomes useful to you. In a first draft, you are often still finding out what your theme is, who your characters are, and what conflicts and triumphs they will have. You can practice writing, and it doesn’t have to take eight years like a medical degree; practice with dedication like the ukulele

Resource Article on Dialogue: Click here.
Debunking the 10,000- Hour myth: Click here.

 

Rusti L Lehay, a global editor and book and writing coach, created over 40 articles guiding writers to authordom. Witnessing writers find and speak in their own voice to serve the real boss, the audience, not the editor, is one of Rusti’s greatest joys. She offers bi-monthly online writing STAY-Treats and monthly lounges and teaches weekly creative writing classes. Her primary mission is to inspire, provide value and make writing fun and easy.

Learn more about Rusti