Have you ever wondered if your personality controls your actions, or is it your actions that define your personality?
When I was little I was SUPER shy, so when my youngest son was uber shy and only spoke in whispers, I didn’t think it was strange at all. I’d figured out myself that being quiet was peaceful and probably a survival trick, since I went to five different schools in 7 years. I remained quiet and followed the rules unless something felt unjust. It was injustice, that even as the new young shy kid, I would always speak up even when it felt uncomfortable.
I made posters when I was 8, and posted them in a local park when there was too much trash and asked people to clean up. I marched on parliament hill at 13, for disarmament and put my placard on my parent’s front lawn, much to my mom’s dismay. Today I want women to know how beautiful their body is, and that it’s doing exactly what it was always meant to do. I want all women to know that their body is simply trying to speak up.
So what are your thoughts on personalities? Are we born with them, or are they formed? I believe a little of both. I’ve watched women show up in my facebook group and membership, in leadership roles and then quietly disappear. I’ve watched other quieter women, eventually feel safe and trust the space they’re in, and they become chatter boxes and share vulnerable stories. It’s those moments that fill me with so much joy and connect us all.
I think we have a default setting and that situations either draw us out, or shut us down.
In my holistic health practice, I see the body do the same thing. Women with low iron feel weak and tired and need an afternoon nap to keep going. They often feel cold and unfocused, and tend to suffer from restless sleep. I see women grow quiet and feel an unease as their beautiful body shifts over time. I also see women tap into their strengths, rediscover their personality and feel re-energized and vital once again.
After coaching over 50 women in my holistic health practice, I can now see the patterns in health and personalities. I’ve even pinpointed the 5 personalities I see and what makes them tick. What fuels their mind and body, what makes them smile, makes them hide and what makes them feel connected to others. Want to totally nerd out with me for a minute? Awesome, let’s look at each one quickly
The Spy: She knows what she likes and doesn’t like and loves trying new things, but only if she knows exactly what she’s getting into. When it comes to cooking food she likes to follow a recipe and really wants to know what her body is saying. She’s tired of feeling guilty and confused by her 40+ body.
The Ringmaster: She’s the one who loves to take care of others but is finally ready to put herself first. She’s a master at multi-tasking and sometimes says “yes” when she really means no, but it's always because of her big heart. She feels guilty for her new desire to focus on herself, but deep down, she knows that more “me” time will ultimately make her a happier person
The Detective: She knows that knowledge is power. She has a zest and love of life-long-learning and loves to share what she knows with others. She feels both curious and impatient with her changing body and thrives on routine and habits. She’s both frustrated and impatient lately, which isn’t her normal state of being, and is ready for more solid goals and an action plan
The Magician: She’s ready to get to the root cause of how she’s feeling. She knows that self-confidence is the cure for stress, fatigue and brain fog and is an action taking woman. She’s frustrated that her body has been pushing back on her recently and is usually the talker in social settings with her friends. She too knows that with a few changes, she could feel in control of her body again.
The Wizard: She knows that her secret weapon is staying in action. She doesn’t let her changing body get her down and figures that her routines and exercise will even things out eventually. She knows that food, mindset and lifestyle, all play a part in gaining control of how her body has been showing up recently. She thrives on routines and habits and knows that they can pay off over time.
The fun part of tapping into your symptoms is that they are your superpower. They are your body’s messages and by recognizing what type of beautiful woman you are, you have the power to feel, look and sleep your best.
Try the superpower quiz and discover your superpower personality.
https://www.stephaniehw.com/quiz
Stephanie Huntjens White is a holistic health coach and wellness stylist who helps women flip their 40+ symptoms into their superpower by helping them feel confident and in control of their changing body, in a beautiful holistic way.
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@misswoods
Have you ever noticed that you live from a place of rejection and/or betrayal on a daily basis?
Let me explain.. Fear of rejection and betrayal are 2 of the most common fears that humans have. Every time we make a decision or take action, our fears come up and we decide from this place. Our minds go into full gear: 'how have I experienced these emotions and fears before and how can I avoid going through that again'? No matter the situation, this is your bottom line. Will I be rejected and/or will I be betrayed?!
For example:
You want to start a business or apply for a new job. Your first reaction will be to go through all of the ways this could go wrong and then start doubting yourself and feeling that you aren't good enough. You reject and betray yourself before you even begin because you don't want others to do it first.
You message a friend, a co-worker, a family member and they don't respond, you automatically think it's you, you've done something wrong or that they are mad at you. You go into feelings of rejection and/or betrayal because that is the story that runs in your mind. Those are the emotions you associate with.
You hide behind labels (wife, mother, CEO, etc.) and masks (perfectionism, good girl, over-achiever, etc) when you encounter people in your life. These become anchors to make you feel like you are somebody in case you get rejected and/or betrayed. They become the barriers you set for protection.
What if we started interrupting these thoughts and beliefs and replace them with loving and accepting thoughts? Wouldn't that be more pleasurable? Wouldn't that make us want to show up for ourselves more often?
What if every morning when you get up, you choose how you want to show up that day?
What if every day you become more and more curious about who you are?
What if you get to decide who you want to be in every moment?
What if you remind yourself of the good that you bring to this world?
What if you concentrate on the things you are proud of?
What if TODAY YOU CHOOSE a different way, a different life?
This is how you start changing the negative patterns.
Be AWARE of the fears and how they are subtly showing up in your life.
INTENTIONALLY reach for new positive and empowering beliefs
CHOOSE to act differently
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Write these down and say them every day, truly feel the energy they bring and spend time in state:
I am capable of achieving all that I want.
I deserve to love and to be loved.
I am worthy because I exist.
I ACCEPT who I am and where I am at this moment
Get to know who you are without the fear of rejection and betrayal, without the masks and the labels, without the barriers of protection.
WHO WOULD THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUL BE?
WHO COULD SHE BECOME if she started accepting herself where she is flaws and all?
HOW WONDERFUL would it be to show up from this place?
I know she exists within you, she just needs a little help to emerge!
Lots of love,
Rachel xo
Do you ever feel discouraged?
I do. And when I feel discouraged, I feel it as a heavy, sticky, dark feeling in the pit of my stomach that weighs my heart down and closes me off from empowerment. In fact, discouragement is the opposite of empowerment. The word discourage comes from the French origin “des”, meaning “to take away”. So in discourage, courage is being taken away. In addition, I also think empowerment, enthusiasm, confidence, and joy are all being taken away when we experience discouragement.
It takes courage to be empowered. It takes courage to be confident. It takes courage to be enthusiastic and joyful. It takes courage to show up in the world authentically, day after day. When we feel discouraged, all these things are taken away too.
But underneath the discouragement, courage and confidence and purpose are still there. And it’s a matter of remembering that and then deciding to choose empowerment over disempowerment, joy over victimhood, enthusiasm over apathy, confidence over fear, and courage over discouragement.
I’d like to share my ‘Discouragement Dissipation Process’; a process I developed for my Accelerate Your Inner Wisdom coaching program. I encourage you to use this process next time you feel discouraged.
Step 1
When you feel discouraged, sit with the feeling and the energy of discouragement. How does it feel? Where do you feel it in your body? What other emotions are associated with it? (i.e., do you also feel anger, frustration, jealousy, or sadness?).
Don’t judge what you’re feeling. Just sit with it and let the feelings be. You may find it helpful to put your hand to where you feel it in your body.
Don’t push it away or resist it.
Imagine having an open heart as you feel what you feel.
As you’re doing this, use your intellectual mind to know two things:
1) Sitting with discouragement is challenging and will feel hard.
2) The feeling will dissipate and release.
Step 2
After a few minutes when the feeling dissipates (and it will) and you’re feeling lighter, take out your journal and reflect on the following questions:
Step 3
Reframe and redefine the discouragement.
Discouragement comes from the thought or story that something “is not working”. This is a victim mindset and our brain likes to point us to all the evidence that supports this (incorrect) thought.
Take yourself from a victim mindset and towards a more empowered energy by journaling on the following questions:
Step 4
Review your “how things are working for me” list from Step 3. What do you see? What patterns are emerging? This is valuable information as to where you need to be spending more time, more energy, and more resources to create more opportunities for the things that are working.
Step 5
Brainstorm ways to do more of the things that work for you. Create action steps that will move you in the direction of empowerment, courage, joy, and purpose.
Step 6
Keep track of how the Universe opens up and responds to your new definition of what’s working, your reframed thoughts, and your inspired action steps.
***
I love seeing my clients move from discouragement to courage, confidence, and fulfillment. When women know what is most important to them and they feel empowered to go after what they desire, they can create so much positive change.
I can help you, too. In my 3-month coaching accelerator I'll show you how to move into confidence, purpose, and fulfilment. Book a call with me today and let's get started! Apply to work with me today.
***
Vera is a Life Coach whose mission is to help women shine their light more brightly. Her signature program accelerates her clients’ connection to their inner wisdom, aligning them to their purpose, confidence, and inspired actions they can rely on, so that they can live a genuine and fulfilled life. Apply to work with Vera.
Vera hosts a podcast, Practical Wisdom from a Life Coach, which can be found on all podcast platforms.
She is also a Trailblazer with Happy Healthy Women.
Connect with Vera on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn and learn more about her at her website.
Perusing the Value Village bookshelves, one title, 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire, jumped out at us. Debra Anderson, a long-time neighbour from when I lived on Alberta Avenue, laughed. “We don’t need 203. We just need one way. Breathe.” Then added, "Not that men are a lower life form.”
The male’s biological ability to procreate indefinitely is a crucial difference. Women after 50, Anderson agreed, are done. We have raised children if we had them and are now turning inward, pursuing passions beyond the boudoir.
Anderson enjoys oil painting and treasures her solitude. Beloved Canadian author Margaret Laurence wrote in Dance on the Earth; she couldn’t be a wife, mother and author, so she chose the last two. Like Anderson and Laurence, I prioritize. Beginning with writing, supporting women writers, and enjoying outdoor activities with my son. The chief complaint I hear from male friends is, “You’re so busy.” My inside thought is, Yes, with my passions, adhering to my natural rhythms.
There are as many ways to cater to that inner calling as there are women. I did not come to my present satisfaction in singlehood on a direct path. My route was littered with buffalo-sized speed bumps and torturous detours.
Married at 20 for only seven years, I slipped in and out of short-term relationships for the next two decades, driven to be coupled. I believed I was destined for a life-giving, mutually beneficial relationship in my mid-forties. After all, I had grown into a mature, confident, and vibrant woman. My confidence dived when at 48, I learned my dream partner bedded two other women on his trucking route. Facing life alone hit me hard on my 50th birthday. Mascara was not an option when dressing to attend the party for my nephew’s nuptials. After that day of tears, I moved into my single phase residing there comfortably for the last decade.
It took my 30s and 40s to revise the family and societal expectations of coupledom and discard my mother’s statement to me after my divorce at 27. “Find a man before you’re too old and ugly and no one wants you.” In talking with women over 50, many of us find one thing in common. If we ever did, we no longer capitulate to solely meet or fulfill others’ needs, some of us prioritizing our interests for the first time.
Now and for the past eleven-plus years, I want me. I am the only one to be irked if my kitchen table has become my second office utilizing a speedy acquisition flat surface filing system. I prefer my terminology over one partner labelling my technique, “flat surface disease.” My bedside table is littered with a bright light, three or more books and a scratchpad to capture middle-of-the-night inspiration.
Speaking with certainty for several of my peers, we are not into being a nursemaid without the previous investment of a shared life together. In a coffee club for singles over 50, women commiserated they were only meeting needy men who wanted nurses or caregivers for their grandchildren. There are different options for intimacy if so desired. Many older singles define coupledom differently by maintaining separate residences. That may appeal to even a hard-core loner like me, provided the one who wants to be significant in my life enjoys solitude and different pastimes. That is one way I might consider coupledom now.
Reference links in the body of the story above
St. Claire Book: https://www.amazon.ca/203-Ways-Drive-Man-Wild/dp/0517595338
Margaret Laurence Book Link: https://www.amazon.ca/Dance-Earth-Memoir-Margaret-Laurence/dp/0771047479
Learn more about Rusti:
Rusti L Lehay, a global editor and book and writing coach, created over 40 articles guiding writers to authordom. Witnessing writers find and speak in their own voice to serve the real boss, the audience, not the editor, is one of Rusti’s greatest joys. She offers bi-monthly online writing STAY-Treats and monthly lounges and teaches weekly creative writing classes. Her primary mission is to inspire, provide value and make writing fun and easy.
Links: https://linktr.ee/rustilehay
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If you are anything like me, your logical mind leads most of the time.
Your head dictates your next action, writes out the to-do list and tries to figure everything out on its own. Right?!
We have such a hard time just being in this moment, in the NOW.
One of my favourite philosophies from my mentor Louise Hay is "THE POINT OF POWER IS ALWAYS IN THE PRESENT MOMENT".
I absolutely love this saying and remind myself of it daily because for me it means a do-over.. a reset. At any point I have the choice to choose a different feeling, and this choice will change my state of being, change this moment, even change the future.
In this present moment I get to create new beginnings, new outcomes and a new life.
Which is why I wanted to share a few practices with you, to help you on your journey! I use these in my day to day to help me come back to this moment and get me out of my thinking mind.
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Put an alarm on your phone and have it ring every couple of hours, to bring you back to the present moment. Choose one of these practices or both and take a quiet moment for you.
RESET your thinking and CHOOSE your new state of being. How do you want to feel in this moment?
BREATHE into it and fully embody this shift. And go on with your day!
The more you do this, the more you will quiet the mind and just be in this moment. It only takes a few minutes, it will help you reduce the chatter, the stress and the worry and help you connect to your intuition, your body and your soul.
REMEMBER: This moment is the only one you have so it's so important to be here, to experience it and to feel it.
Have you ever written yourself a love letter?
I stumbled on this letter I wrote to myself last Fall after going through huge growth and expansion, and I wanted to share with you as it made me smile.
When I wrote this love letter, my intention was to clarify:
~ What I wanted to work on within me,
~ What I was ready to face, and
~ What I wanted my next level to be.
As I read through the words, lots of emotions come up as I realize how far I have come. I have opened up spaces within me and released emotions that were so locked up and stored in my body they were holding me back without me even knowing it.
There has been so much healing within me and so much still left to do. And this letter is a huge confirmation of the work that I am doing on myself and the journey I am on.
It all started with an intention to transform and ended up being so much more.
______
Dear Beautiful Rach,
I am so proud to be standing in your shoes today.
We have come a very long way and still have so much to accomplish and so many versions to become. You just keep getting better and better! I am in awe!
As we embark on our next journey there are a few things we need to look at.
1. Who do we choose to become for this next level?
2. What will becoming this bring us?
As we keep growing and evolving, our next step is to fully embody our authentic self.
This means that we will stand in our truth always and feel all the feels. The high positive emotions and the low negative ones as well. We will feel all of them.
Going forward, all emotions are a go. No more dissociating to protect yourself, we will keep pulling back the layers and identifying the blocks, the hurts, the pains that caused you to completely shut down. The more you can feel the hurt, the more you can feel the love. We are ready for this next level.
By embodying these emotions, I am giving you permission to feel, to take the time you need with each shadows and each light. We are opening ourselves up to expand even more and remember, with each breakdown comes a breakthrough.
You are strong and courageous beautiful and when you doubt, look back at all of the challenges you have overcome and all that you have accomplished. You are a divine warrior queen!
Let this strengthen your connection to your source within and your intuition, let it guide your every move. You are diving into the sensations and what it means to be completely in alignment with your authentic self and your truth.
Being your highest self means being in your fullest expression, that is our next level of this beautiful life.
I am so blessed to be doing life with you!
I love you
xo
______
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Pull out your journal, find a quiet space and think about the person you want to become in 3 or 6 months from now. Who is this beautiful being? And what do you need to start changing to embody and grow into her? Write yourself a beautiful love letter, letting the pen flow and your heart lead. What do you want to say to yourself? Be open and raw! You are the only one reading this letter!
I am so holding you tight right now and sending you so much light!
Much love,
Rachel xo
Rachel Benton is a Licensed Life & Embodiment Coach and a ThetaHealing Energy Practitioner. She helps women build their business in complete alignment with their truth and intuition and guides them to create a soulful life that FUELS and IGNITES them!
Rachel is also the branch director for Happy Healthy Women - Cambridge - Join the Facebook Group
Connect with her today:
Website
Instagram: @rachelbentonlifecoach
I don’t know about you, but more than once I have had someone say to me:
“Don’t be so emotional!”
Or
“You shouldn’t feel that way!”
Or
“Just get over it!”
And for so many years I felt shame when I heard it.
I felt shame about my seeming lack of control, my apparent too-muchness, and my inability to fit into the logical mindset that my surroundings seemed to prefer!
And so I did what so many of us have done - I hid!
I pretended I was always fine - and that nothing ever bothered me!
Anytime an emotion would come up I would do everything I could to push it back down. I would bury it so deep that eventually, I thought I forgot it was there!
And I thought I was walking through life the way I was ‘supposed’ to.
But there is a funny thing about emotions - they can not be denied forever. Eventually, I found myself living in duplicity - my exterior world looked fine, and people would have even described me as happy. I had become proficient at wearing “the mask.”
But my interior world was completely different - inside I felt shrivelled up, resentful, and numb. I had no idea that when I closed off my ability to feel some of the more difficult emotions of hurt, anger, and disappointment I had also closed off my ability to feel joy, contentment, gratitude, playfulness etc.
I remember first hearing that emotions were…good - that allowing ourselves to feel them was healthy and was the path to beneficial action!
I was suspicious but also strangely drawn to the idea!
The more I learned the more shocked I became - shocked that what I had thought was my weakness was actually my strength.
Imagine my surprise when I learned that emotions are the vehicle we use to travel down the path from the “problem” to the “solution.”
That they are the fuel that gives you the energy to move forward, and that they were the creators of clarity not the authors of confusion!
I learned that emotions only last an average of 6 to 90 seconds in the body - and that it is only when we attach thoughts to the emotions that we then made them last longer - potentially trapping them in our body.
And so I began to pay attention to my emotions, and I started to listen carefully to the thoughts I attached to them.
And finally, I began to ask better questions!
Questions like:
“What is this emotion trying to tell me?”
“What does it show is important to me?”
“What does this emotion need me to valid and witness?”
“What changes does it tell me I need to make?”
I learned to ride my emotions like a wave and that on the other side of the wave was calm clear relief and important information about what the best action would be in whatever situation I found myself in!
And so maybe today you need to be reminded that the emotions that you feel are good, even when they are hard to have, maybe today you need to be reminded that it is ok to feel them, that they are your gifts - each emotion has wrapped within it important information about what you need, what you value, what you prefer, and what brings your pleasure.
Take the time to experience all of them! Learn to talk with them and ask them questions about their purpose and about what action they are taking you to!
Give yourself the gift of fully experiencing the emotions that show up in your life! You may just find yourself pleasantly surprised by what happens when you do!!
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Meg is a Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, and Podcast Host (The Art Of Being H(YOU)man) that is passionate about walking with people who want more out of life than just the status quo!
She believes that life doesn’t have to work out exactly the way we think it “should” in order to be enjoyed and that people don’t have to be perfect in order to be loved.
She believes that we all have the voice of truth inside of us but sometimes it can be hard to hear. And most importantly that we must live between the tension of accepting the things we cannot change and taking massive action on the things we can!
Meg creates spaces where women can slow down and process all the things that are influencing and controlling their lives - their everyday thoughts, emotions, and the stories they have been telling themselves.
Spaces where they can look at their inner world, gain valuable insight and then reclaim their personal authority, and make conscious decisions that transform the way they experience their lives!
Through one on one coaching, group coaching and workshops Meg helps women show up in the world with more love, and less ego, more compassion, and less judgment, more vulnerability, and less shame, more emotional agility and less fear!
Meg lives in BC with her husband of 22 years, two teenage boys and their little dog Charlie.
To learn more about Meg visit her website www.megheppner.com
Have you ever embarked on a soul journey? A journey that has completely cracked you open and shifted the course of your life?
I have been on this journey these last few years and it has taken me to different depths of myself, meeting my ego every step of the way.
Trying to surrender but controlling the outcome.
Feeling my emotions but resisting at the same time.
It's definitely been a process of letting go and stepping more and more into my truth.
What is the difference between your ego and your soul?
Your ego is that part of you that likes to control. It is the voice in your head and the chatter that you hear all day long. Its driving force is fear and it will do everything in its power to keep you "safe" from what it believes is harmful to you. It doesn't realize that it keeps you suffering and keeps you stuck. It so doesn't want you to feel pain that it binds you into fear so that you can't move forward and you stay within your comfort zone.
Your soul is that part of you that makes your heart beat, it's that life force within you that wants the best for you. You hear your soul in-between the ego when you find peace, that split moment of quietness between the chatter. It is the whispers that you hear with the great ideas that come out of nowhere, that feeling of knowing that you could be doing something or the guidance you get, encouraging you on your journey. Its guidance system is our emotions, it's the vibration we feel on a daily basis that guides us towards our best path forward.
As I embarked on this journey, I realized how powerful my ego was. Fear guided me every step of the way and I listened. Its voice was so much louder than the whispers of my soul and the doubts just gave it so much strength.
It truly was a 3 step forward, 5 step back kinda dance!
My intention behind it was to strengthen my soul and my intuition, to really get connected to that part of myself and let it rise within me and lead me forward.
I wanted to flow with life rather than struggling through it!
And as I took the time to tune into my heart and listen to how my soul communicated with me..
It awakened the feminine part of myself that loves to dance, flow, nurture and create!
It unleashed a part of me that wants to be seen and heard!
It healed parts of me that kept me playing small!
As I grow this part of myself, I am realizing more and more how it is so powerful and so important to take the time with your soul and build that relationship within.
Ask yourself questions:
Is my ego leading my life or my soul? (In other words, am I letting fear control or love?)
If I were to admit to myself and the world what my soul longs for right now, what would it be?
Are you afraid of initiating the changes that your inner voice is asking you to make? Why?
Be very honest with yourself.
Without this relationship, we are always living in our heads, completely limited to what the outside world thinks, never connecting to our bodies, our life force, our emotions. WE MISS THE TRUE BEAUTY OF BEING HUMAN!
HERE IS YOUR SOUL MISSION:
Take a nice deep breath in and set your intention. (ie. I want to connect to my soul and hear how it communicates with me) And NOW LISTEN. Start noticing the different ways your soul is guiding you towards your intention. Don’t doubt it or think it’s a coincidence, believe in your inner wisdom and follow the guidance. Let yourself be led from your heart rather than your head.
This soul journey has changed my life and I hope to inspire you to meet your own soul and to start developing a relationship with your truth and your authentic self.
Your body is always talking to you, take the time to listen!
Much love,
Rachel xo
Rachel Benton is a Licensed Life & Embodiment Coach and a ThetaHealing Energy Practitioner. She helps women build their business in complete alignment with their truth and intuition and guides them to create a soulful life that FUELS and IGNITES them!
Rachel is also the branch director for Happy Healthy Women - Cambridge - Join the Facebook Group
Connect with her today:
Website
Instagram: @rachelbentonlifecoach
I am a shorebird writer. Distract me too often and ‘poof’, my day goes by with no calories in my metaphors. Fleshless ideas and rattling skeleton stanzas offer white noise which does little to keep me awake when unmet deadlines hover at midnight. Recognizing my shorebird work style one day a decade ago, I embarked on a voyage of self-discovery to understand and improve my desk time.
As a shorebird forages for sustenance, my mind ranges deep into the grey matter for metaphors, similes and compelling copy for my corporate clients or my own creative writing. Dog owners walk a beach maybe allowing their canines to chase birds forcing them into flight to escape the ‘predators’. It may be akin to a proud parent standing in awe of ‘Rex’ or ‘Zeus’ having ‘fun.’ It is important to compute the cumulative effect. All those lift-offs mean shorebirds are unable to consume enough calories to maintain life let alone replace calories expended during escape attempts. Kind of like my bank account falling behind.
Interruption Fatigue
A few months in on my voyage, I found myself ranting. Thanks to a 9-5 friend who texts me multiple times during the day. Add her messages to a few other friends, four siblings, one son, and work-related distractions and all the notifications morph into dogs nipping at the heels of my muse forcing her to abandon the shores of my imagination. My plan is to complete a daily average of three hours corporate tasks. My daily creative goal is to write three hours on fresh drafts, revisions, and/or submitting creative projects. Six steady hours is a small request.
Listening to an internet podcast on procrastination, one tidbit resonated. Every time we are interrupted at a task requiring concentration, we average 18 minutes to return to our uninterrupted workflow mode. Tally 15 texts and one can see how it takes a minimum of 10.5 hours at my desk to accomplish six hours of work. Add in the other distractions and my creative work is abandoned often fulfilling corporate obligations into the double-digit evening hours. I really do want to sip wine or tea on my couch at a reasonable hour reading a book while anticipating a savoury supper simmering on the stove and experiencing a work-life balance. Eating supper at a decent time turns me useless. Too many days, I work past 10:00P.M. nibbling on almonds to finish a job.
If you work at an office, you are in the majority who can go home and leave work behind. Solopreneurs and those who work at home often lack that option and struggle to establish and maintain a careful work-life balance. So if I avoid your call, please know it is not personal. I am trying to stay in the zone and desperately hope to step away from my computer at 5:00 – even 7:00 is a bonus.
I wonder how other writers, content creators and creatives maintain their attention span. If the buzz, trill, whistle, knock, vibrating cell phone notifications ding like Pavlov’s bell in your mind, like mine, what are we to do? Colleagues suggest turning the phone off. Wikipedia even has an entry called “interruption science.” Another helpful resource is: Interrupters Log: http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newHTE_94.htm
TRAINING MYSELF
A good suggestion and if a client should call, may be to return the call an hour later. Will it damage our professional relationship? Possibly. A potential client may be impatient or desperate and find an alternate writer on his next call. While I can reject calls from family or friends, my shorebird brain lifts off into empty space at the smallest distraction. I admit the trill of a text can turn me about-face and abandon an overdue bathroom break. This is my brain and ignoring distractions is not an option. Limiting them is my goal.
I have also known for a long time, I am not a calendar or day-timer type person and am unable to section my days or my brain in two hours on one project, and three hours on another. Initially, I need long uninterrupted spans of time to delve into a project. Once drafted, I can revise and edit in chunks. On the long-haul days, I give myself permission to take my personal accounts offline to concentrate on the bread and butter emails. Multiple free email accounts are easy, however, I resist the idea of two phones. With my phone on for potential clients, friends or family may each think he or she is only one or two blips.
TRAINING FAMILY AND FRIENDS
For those who work at an office, family and friends are more likely to save questions for after office hours. When your home is your office, you may need to ask your people to show the same restraint. The people who interrupt my workday fall into three camps. My roofer nephew says two seconds after the call he is placing the next shingle. Once this first camp knows the average 18 minutes I need to return to my uninterrupted thought pattern, they start sending an email or wait for me to call them.
I can also deal with the second camp who question why write, what is the purpose and refuse to see the creative placement of words on the page as a viable or legitimate career. The worst camp for me are those who assume because I am my own boss, I am free to do whatever I want whenever I want or stopping and starting whenever I want is as easy as saying hello, good-bye and hammering the next nail. The text that started this rant and cracked me in two was a friend asking at 7:34 A.M., "In your always busy lifestyle, are you running from something?"
I would never think of texting during her 9-5 work day to ask, “Are you running from something while you are earning a living?”
Time to kill the assumptions and educate a few folks. I really do not want to be up at midnight just because no one thinks of calling then. Oh wait, my friend knows I am still up late at night or early in the morning and will text, “r u up?” or “can you take a 30-second call?” It is up to me to state the boundaries.
Writers unite. Tell your 9-5 job friends, imagine they are paid for piecework similar to our projects and deadlines. They are no longer paid by the hour. Imagine if they didn’t have the luxury(burden) of finishing that piecework after 5 or after they put the kids to bed even if they wanted to because they are just too tired. After they have five days of incomplete projects and no paycheck, they will be barring and locking their doors, turning their phone off and avoiding chatty emails. Imagine being responsible for work products/piece work instead of steady paychecks for the finite work accomplished between your 9-5 hours. Welcome to the world of deadlines.
Knowing my work habits and creating a schedule that works for me is only the beginning. If I fail or neglect to respect my own work, it may be impossible to train family and friends to not call, text or email willy-nilly during my work day.
Maybe my friend asked if I was running because I made myself unavailable for the 30-second phone calls. Gloria Mark, a leader in interruption science, conducted a study on office workers. Quoted on Wikipedia, Mark revealed, “Once distracted, the average knowledge worker, takes nearly a half-hour to resume the original task.” I knew ’30 seconds’ derailed me. I was shocked to learn it took not just 18 minutes but close to a half-hour out of my productive work time. I have become aware it takes gargantuan effort to pull myself back to the keyboard and re-engage my brain in the paragraph or stanza or metaphor I was previously puzzling over and on the verge of capturing. So after four days of not answering her “r u running from something” text, I receive this one, “I think of you every day. Is part of the root of all this the subconscious need to prove yourself?”
Her intelligence and genuine caring are the basis of our friendship. And it was my irritation with her “r u running from something” that made me realize I am running. I am sprinting and out of breath in a mad dash towards myself and my own success. My chart of hours offers me a system that works in my brain. My mission to teach myself better work habits and put my work first during the days and not respond to every notification has shortened some of my days. It is a process. Never underestimate the power of giving yourself a gold star for the days you meet your goals.
SOLUTION
Oh and my friend, all I had to do was explain to her I am a shorebird writer and her texts are endangering my livelihood. For the most part, she remembers. It is human nature to think she is the only one. It still is up to me how much I produce and stay true to my creative goals and earn the essential dollars.
Reference link in the body of the story above
Interrupters Log: http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newHTE_94.htm
Learn more about Rusti:
Rusti L Lehay, a global editor and book and writing coach, created over 40 articles guiding writers to authordom. Witnessing writers find and speak in their own voice to serve the real boss, the audience, not the editor, is one of Rusti’s greatest joys. She offers bi-monthly online writing STAY-Treats and monthly lounges and teaches weekly creative writing classes. Her primary mission is to inspire, provide value and make writing fun and easy.
Links: https://linktr.ee/rustilehay
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I saw this quote by the awesome Brendon Burchard on Instagram today that I LOVED, really resonated with, and felt called to share:
"When you are standing in your full power, you are not a complainer."
Ohhhhh Friend! This sparked so much for me as I thought back to the days where I used to BATHE myself in a Victim Mentality. Ever been there? Maybe you're like: "I'm there right now and everything sucks". If so, you're not alone - but you should definitely read on!
A victim mentality refers to a state of mind in which a person feels helpless and as though the world is against them.
I was DEEP in this. So deep, that I would sit at my little pity party for one blaming this, that and all the things for why my life wasn't going as planned. As you can imagine - the only things that ever came of those days were more friction and frustration. Then - I got coaching, did some personal work, and learned how to shift that mindset into one that empowers me. That's when things opened up and everything started working IN my favor.
Here are 6 big things I learned that helped me make the shift...and a little further down, a resource that you'll love if you're feeling the need to step into a more empowered state as well.
1. Being a victim is a LEARNED HABIT that most of us grow up with.
2. There are many ways to be a victim, and if we do it in one area of our lives, chances are we do it in others.
3. To break free of the Victim Mentality takes work, and requires an attitude shift - but it's certainly possible.
4. Being a victim is not our natural way of being. It is not abundant, life-giving or free.
5. Victim Mentality is something we accept for ourselves and we can decide to live by a higher standard.
6. As long as we accept it, there will be those out there accepting that we are the victim as well, and strengthening our victim mindset right along with us.
The thing is, if we are comfortable in the Victim Mentality, we will use it so many ways when it comes to our physical, mental and emotional well-being. It becomes a crutch that actually hinders our growth.
The good news is - overcoming it and stepping into an empowered state will serve you, your relationships, your health and your business SO much more.
Oh, and that resource I promised you: One of my favorite pieces from Dr. Wayne Dyer that gives a simple way to start de-victimizing yourself. Take 5 minutes to listen to this and feel instant freedom - The Art of the Shrug.
In Happiness & Health,
Natalie Colalillo
Founder & CEO Happy Healthy Women
Instagram: @happy_healthy_nat
